Collection of Lame Jokes

[ergospherical]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

 

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[Ivan Seeking]

View attachment 286066

What that doesn't tell you is how many people drank from their batteries 50 years ago. Have you seen any 50 year old batteries that still have acid in them?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

In regard to Covid 19, for heard immunity there is an audio version of the vaccine.

 

[WWGD]

 

[jack action]

 

[WWGD]

 

[strangerep]

Hmm,... it took me a while to understand why that's a joke.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

About 30 years ago I managed to borrow a human-sized, primitive robot that had been used for a police, drug education program. It was propelled; had movable arms and a head that turned. It had a sound system as well as a video system that allowed me to see what the robot sees. This was all secretly remote controlled. I refurbished it and used it for a Cub Scout summer space camp. And it was an amazing thing to watch. Morgon the Vorgon came to life. Some kids would even run up and hug him and tell him they loved him. So much fun!

Finally the camp ended and Morgon was loaded up standing in the back of my truck. I tied off ropes to stabilize him. And soon I found my self driving slowly down Main Street with Morgon. So I grabbed the audio and switch it onto high volume. Morgon's head began turning side to side in a panic as he cried out "Help! Help! I'm being abducted!"

I could see people on the sidewalks bursting into laughter.

An interesting note: That same week, President Clinton announced that we had found evidence for primitive life on Mars. Morgon the Vorgon made the announcement. So that would have been 1996. Hard to imagine those kids would all be around 35-38 now.

 

[Keith_McClary]

Things you can say

I knew that.

 

[Keith_McClary]

front door of the school

I know some who just walked out the back door.

 

[mfb]

Hmm,... it took me a while to understand why that's a joke.

In this economy?

 

[Filip Larsen]

I don't get it. He is clearly not wearing socks in his sandals so why is she looking like that??

 

[jack action]

Sad news.

I broke up with my girlfriend Lorraine because I was seeing another girl named Claire Lee.

But the good news is that I can see Claire Lee now that Lorraine is gone.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Sad news.

I broke up with my girlfriend Lorraine because I was seeing another girl named Claire Lee.

But the good news is that I can see Claire Lee now that Lorraine is gone.

But you were seeing Claire Lee already.

 

[jack action]

Does anybody know where a guy can find a person to hang out with, talk to, and enjoy spending time with?

Asking for a friend.

 

[256bits]

I've been really impressed with the guy who cleans toilets in our building. He has a real can do attitude.

Ha ha . He's number 2 in the business!

 

[256bits]

Does anybody know where a guy can find a person to hang out with, talk to, and enjoy spending time with?

Asking for a friend.

Too subtle.

Nontheless.
A Bff you can find at the SPCA - lots of eager friends to choose from.

 

[Keith_McClary]

Looks Good on Paper by Dan Collins for July 17, 2021​

 

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[256bits]

View attachment 286157

What are the skyscrapers?

 

[strangerep]

What are the skyscrapers?

Kamikaze terrorist moth traps?

 

[strangerep]

I don't get it.

I interpreted it to mean that he's deliberately embarassing his daughter in the eyes of every person on the way to school, and then in front of the whole school.

He is clearly not wearing socks in his sandals

He's not wearing socks in order to maximise the free distribution of his foot pong.

so why is she looking like that??

Because she's standing really close to his feet.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Bezos is due to be delivered to space in two days. However if he joined Amazon Prime he could be there this afternoon.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

View attachment 286163

Yuck! You never wear pizza with donuts.

 

[fresh_42]

Yuck! You never wear pizza with donuts.

... or fruit loops.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

... or fruit loops.

You never wear fruit loops in the summer.

 

[DrGreg]

I saw a trailer on TV today for a Laurel & Hardy film to be shown next week. Apparently Laurel & Hardy are working as pest controllers.

Man​	Why are you drilling holes in my floor?
Laurel​	To let the mice in.
Man​	Then why are you putting corks in the holes?
Laurel​	To stop them getting out.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I saw a trailer on TV today for a Laurel & Hardy film to be shown next week. Apparently Laurel & Hardy are working as pest controllers.

Man​	Why are you drilling holes in my floor?
Laurel​	To let the mice in.
Man​	Then why are you putting corks in the holes?
Laurel​	To stop them getting out.

I still remember an old 3 Stooges gag where they wanted access to some event but couldn't get in unless they had press passes. So they went into the men's restroom and took the "Press" sign from something like the towel dispensers. Each Stooge grabs a sticker and put it in his wallet. Then they each pass through security while displaying their passes:
Press
Press
Pull

I must have thought that was freaking hilarious when I was 8 or so because it's about the only joke I remember from them.