Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

The pink box is Midol. Not a good sign.

Your dol(l)? The one you put the pins on? ;).

 

[Ivan Seeking]

True: A father told his 18 yo son that he can either send him off to college, or buy him a backhoe.

That really ticked me off. My father never offered to buy me a hoe. Heck, I couldn't even have girls in my room.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Hornbein]

"How long you been here oldtimer?"

"You see those hills over there son?"

"Ahm...yes."

"They were here when I came."

 

[davenn]

speaking of wives and their anger ...

 

[Ivan Seeking]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 289741

Does it cost extra to order the same truck for your neighbor's pool?

 

[jack action]

What's the best thing about Switzerland?

Spoiler: Answer

I don't know but their flag is a huge plus.

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[nsaspook]

View attachment 289643​

https://meaww.com/nicolas-cage-drun...ed-with-staff-looked-like-homeless-man-549058

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[DennisN]

A very funny angry note to a neighbor (in Swedish, but I have translated it to English below):

Translation:

"
Stronger than Thor

When you come home after midnight and when you leave at six in the morning,
you prove your strength and make a Japanese earthquake seem insignificant
in comparison with the shakings you produce.

Thor with his hammer Mjölnir during a berserk suddenly seems like a toddler
with a baby rattle when we are affected by the incredible thunder you make
during your ravages.

I am in one way happy that you let your inner thunder affect your door and
not your dog or your partner, but sadly it affects your neighbors who are
abruptly woke up from their dreams of a peaceful Christmas.

Take it easy. You won't make time anyway to do the things you are about to do.

Greetings from the neighbor on 4th floor
"

 

[jack action]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

John Hinckley Jr was released from all restrictions for shooting President Reagan.

Jodie Foster said she's impressed.

Holy Cow! That was 40 years ago! That isn't funny!

 

[Ivan Seeking]

On a related note, Foster will be appearing in a remake of the movie that made her famous, called Uber Driver.

 

[BillTre]

 

[phinds]

My kind of glasses

 

[phinds]

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[jack action]

 

[WWGD]

 

[DrClaude]

I don't get it.

Students were using "death in the family" as an excuse to skip the lecture.

 

[kuruman]

Students were using "death in the family" as an excuse to skip the lecture.

I have two anecdotes about this.

A few years after I started teaching, I noticed a correlation between grandmother (very rarely grandfather) mortality and in-class hourly tests. So a week before the test I started telling the class, "It seems that grandmothers' deaths have something to do with my hourly tests. Now is a good time to call grandma and tell her that until the day of the test not to cross the street alone, to stay home as much as she can, and to eat bland food." Magically, grandmother mortality dropped to zero.

When I mentioned this to an older colleague, he remarked that it's a well-known correlation. He told me that it is good practice to call Student Services in the Dean's office and have them put the excuse on the record. Once a student claimed that his grandmother had died and it turned out that it was for the third time! Student Services called him in for an explanation since most people have only two grandmothers. The student mumbled something about the deceased being his widower grandfather's second wife who "was like a mother" to him. It didn't wash.

 

[jack action]

What starts with an 'O', ends with 'nions', and sometimes makes you cry?

Spoiler: Answer

Opinions