Collection of Lame Jokes

[phinds]

There are two kinds of people in this world: those that finish what they start and

 

[DennisN]

Two more from Gary Larsons "The Far Side":

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[BillTre]

Born just before a game?
Or his moment sharing occurred just before the game.

 

[WWGD]

Born just before a game?
Of his moment sharing occurred just before the game.

Or maybe having her was the game.

 

[256bits]

Ame is a little young to be preg.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[DennisN]

Jurassic calendars:

 

[WWGD]

 

[DennisN]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[jtbell]

Jurassic calendars:

View attachment 292979

I bet the last day of March has "asteroid strike".

 

[phinds]

View attachment 292706

Wife's Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.
I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.
Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.
I asked him what was wrong. He said. "Nothing".
I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him.
He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.
Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep. I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

Husband's Diary:
A one-foot putt. Who the hell misses a one-foot putt?...

 

[fresh_42]

Tee at hole one. Pouring rain.
"Can you imagine? My wife asked me to go to the bakery in this weather!"

 

[fresh_42]

Women spend more time thinking what men think than men actually spend thinking.

 

[DennisN]

One of my friends just posted a hilarious picture on facebook.

I've translated it from Swedish to English, but you won't get the joke unless you are familiar with Swedish culture.

Norrland is the northernmost part of Sweden, and one of the things that is often said about people from Norrland is that many of them make their own alcohol (which is illegal). I'm sure there are similar stories around the world, so the joke could probably be rewritten for other cultures.

 

[WWGD]

US guy: "Do people carry bottled water in their trunks?"

UK guy: " No, it's difficult to swin that way".

 

[phinds]

Women spend more time thinking what men think than men actually spend thinking.

Yep. That was the post that headed my "dairy" reply

 

[fresh_42]

Yep. That was the post that headed my "dairy" reply

Yeah, happens when you remember a good pun but don't remember where it was.

 

[phinds]

View attachment 292706

Yeah, happens when you remember a good pun but don't remember where it was.

We all do it sometimes here on PF and over on the Wood Barter forum where I also spend a lot of time. I even had one case where a friend of mine from Australia sent me a joke cartoon in an email and when I posted it here I discovered that it had already been posted just a couple of days earlier.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[BillTre]

Issues of categorization:

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[DennisN]

 

[ergospherical]

Just watched 127 hours - I thought Dwayne Johnson's performance was exceptional.

 

[WWGD]

Just watched 127 hours - I thought Dwayne Johnson's performance was exceptional.

That joke's just too abstract for me.

 

[collinsmark]

That joke's just too abstract for me.

I had to look it up. I think the movie, 127 Hours, involves somebody's arm stuck in a "rock" or something like that. It also might have been a reddit meme circa 2013.

 

[WWGD]

I had to look it up. I think the movie, 127 Hours, involves somebody's arm stuck in a "rock" or something like that. It also might have been a reddit meme circa 2013.

I think it was just a piece of a rock. That's why the called it " Prudential". Which is the name of Dwayne's son.