Collection of Lame Jokes

[DennisN]

 

[DennisN]

I just found a fun page with "demotivators": Demotivators - the Motivational Posters for the Rest of Us!

And here is a page with pictures in higher resolution: https://despair.com/collections/all

Two examples:

 

[phinds]

and another I've always liked ...

 

[DennisN]

Oh my god, this one is also hilarious:

 

[pinball1970]

Oh my god, this one is also hilarious:

View attachment 299837

Four love reactions in a row? They were THAT good! Edit , now the post makes sense

 

[pinball1970]

Oh my god, this one is also hilarious:

View attachment 299837

Is that it's young Dennis? Some of the mothers do that.
Yeah scrap that. It's too big, it's eating it. Nature is horrific.

 

[DennisN]

Is that it's young Dennis?

I don't know. Biology is not one of my strengths (even though I'm interested in animals).
Yes, it's a horrific picture, but the text is so funny.

 

[jack action]

View attachment 299832

Sadly, this is exactly what happened to Mount Rushmore:

Each president was originally to be depicted from head to waist, but lack of funding forced construction to end on October 31, 1941.

A model at the site depicting Mount Rushmore's intended final design after Jefferson was relocated and "before funding ran out"

 

[DennisN]

Sadly, this is exactly what happened to Mount Rushmore

Ok. But I still think that construction is rock solid.

 

[pinball1970]

Sadly, this is exactly what happened to Mount Rushmore:

THAT would have been something. National trust crap would have stopped us Brits from doing similar.

 

[DennisN]

National trust crap would have stopped us Brits from doing similar.

Don't be sad. You've got the amazing British Museum. It's full of British, eh, sorry, I mean... foreign stuff.

(I've been to the museum once, but it was only a quick visit)

Edit: I'm actually a big fan of British history. I once traveled through England, Wales and Scotland with a friend where we visited a lot of cool historical places. We even went to the Orkney Islands. There has been a lot happening on the British Isles through history, and with a very interesting mix of cultures, I think. I still remember that tour fondly, it was one of the very best I've done.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Melbourne Guy]

"So," I asked my programmer friend, "how can I tell if this code is badly written?"
"No comment!"

 

[Oldman too]

 

[pinball1970]

Is that it's young Dennis? Some of the mothers do that.
Yeah scrap that. It's too big, it's eating it. Nature is horrific.

My faith in the animal kingdom is restored. Notice the male of the species (cat fish) does this.
( Not for egalitarian reasons though if you have read the Selfish Gene)

https://www.britannica.com/science/mouthbreeder

“mouthbreeder, any fish that breeds its young in the mouth. Examples include certain catfishes, cichlids, and cardinal fishes. The male of the sea catfish Galeichthys felis places up to 50 fertilized eggs in its mouth and retains them until they are hatched and the young are two or more weeks old.”

 

[BillTre]

Fish in the mouth of mouth brooders are much smaller:

A better term is mouth brooder.
They don't breed in the mouth (that I know of) but eggs/fry are there for protection (that's brooding) after the breeding.

 

[Baluncore]

RIP https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gastric-brooding_frog

 

[DrClaude]

View attachment 299882

The check is for 0.002$. I don't get it.

 

[pinball1970]

The check is for 0.002$. I don't get it.

the pi and sum part?

 

[DennisN]

At the pub, beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

 

[WWGD]

Sperm bank - the only bank in the world where "frozen assets" are a good thing...

And you can't write checks. Or make nightly deposits ( without getting arrested).

 

[Delta Prime]

At the pub, beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

 

[pinball1970]

The check is for 0.002$. I don't get it.

Or is that a maths joke? If it is I don't get it!

 

[gmax137]

Or is that a maths joke? If it is I don't get it!

The picture shows
$e^\rm{i \pi}$, which is -1
but the text evaluates
$e^\rm{2 \pi}$, which is 535.49...

So I think there's something wrong with the check. Or the joke.

 

[Borg]

A farmer had 196 cows in his field.

Spoiler: How many did he have when he got them to the barn?

When he rounded them up, he had 200.

 

[collinsmark]

View attachment 299882

The check is for 0.002$. I don't get it.

There's some good Internet history behind this. This was in response to an Internet meme/phenomenon for its time (a time before even Facebook was particularly popular).

By the way, the cheque/check signer is Randall Munroe, the very same Randall Munroe as the author of webcomic xkcd that we all know and love. Munroe wasn't involved in the actual incident, but the image of the check/cheque was his humorous response to it.

[The text under the check/cheque in the image is wrong. That must have been added by somebody else. The original joke is that the amount of the check is for 0.002 - 1 + 1 dollars = $0.002. Whoever wrote the text underneath misinterpreted the $i$ as 2.]

The incident -- a recorded phone call -- is where Verizon customer service does not know the difference between 0.002 dollars and 0.002 cents.

Here's an article about it:
https://consumerist.com/2010/02/23/...nce-between-difference-between-002-and-00002/

And here is the whole customer service phone call which was recorded. Fair warning, it's all of funny, frustrating, and infuriating, altogether.

 

[Delta Prime]

I always wear a stethoscope when I frequent the advanced electronic engineering laboratory just in case there is a medical emergency, I
can teach my peers a valuable lesson
about making assumptions.

 

[DennisN]

I (or someone else) may have posted this one before, but I think it's so funny it's worth repeating:

The Little Engine Keeps It Real:

Two more on the topic:

 

[Oldman too]

This ones self explanatory.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[jtbell]

"So you're an exorcist, that's interesting. When you travel for an exorcism, do you get paid per diem?"

"No, I get paid per demon."

 

[WWGD]

There's some good Internet history behind this. This was in response to an Internet meme/phenomenon for its time (a time before even Facebook was particularly popular).

By the way, the cheque/check signer is Randall Munroe, the very same Randall Munroe as the author of webcomic xkcd that we all know and love. Munroe wasn't involved in the actual incident, but the image of the check/cheque was his humorous response to it.

[The text under the check/cheque in the image is wrong. That must have been added by somebody else. The original joke is that the amount of the check is for 0.002 - 1 + 1 dollars = $0.002. Whoever wrote the text underneath misinterpreted the $i$ as 2.]

The incident -- a recorded phone call -- is where Verizon customer service does not know the difference between 0.002 dollars and 0.002 cents.

Here's an article about it:
https://consumerist.com/2010/02/23/...nce-between-difference-between-002-and-00002/

And here is the whole customer service phone call which was recorded. Fair warning, it's all of funny, frustrating, and infuriating, altogether.

Serenity Now! I had to spend around 5 months trying to cancel the automatic renewals on some web hosting I never actually used.

 

[artis]