Collection of Lame Jokes

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In summary: It's a humor that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness. It's not for everyone.Not a fan of surrealism, I take it?In summary, surrealism is an art form that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness, often producing incongruous imagery or effects. It may not be appreciated by everyone, but for those who do, it can be quite humorous.
  • #1,261
AlephZero said:
Nope. The mathematician didn't know what a cow was, but he did know about fields.

We think the cow is somewhere in a field with an uncountably infinite number of dimensions right now, but the mathematician is still figuring out how to use the axiom of choice to find it again.

:smile:
 
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  • #1,262
My physics teacher was just saying "we love the chain rule". First I thought of "we love Katamari", then I remembered Full Metal Jacket.

This is my chain rule. There are many like it but this one is mine.
 
  • #1,263
So, who exactly goes to grad school anyways? I mean, I never had any trouble doing things like [itex]\nabla\!\mathbf{f}[/itex], and yet people go to a special school just to learn one operation??
 
  • #1,264
You got it wrong, grad school means they spend their time grading exams. Ask any grad student if you doubt.
 
  • #1,265
Borek said:
You got it wrong, grad school means they spend their time grading exams.

:smile: That's what I heard :p
 
  • #1,266
Borg said:
Just look for the cow pi. :rolleyes:

Or, find out if the standard lion-finding methods also work on cows.

(Google "math joke lion sahara" if you don't know what I'm talking about).
 
  • #1,267
AlephZero said:
(Google "math joke lion sahara" if you don't know what I'm talking about).
Well, this thread comes up so it goes into an infinite loop. :-p
 
  • #1,268
How to artificially create a black hole.

1. Dig a pit into the ground.
2. Step away.
3. Is it black?
4. You have successfully made a black hole!
 
  • #1,269
Borek said:
You got it wrong, grad school means they spend their time grading exams.

That's seems fair enough. The gradding procedure is finding which students have potentials.

[PUN]Insert something about circulation here[/PUN]
 
  • #1,270
Living with a woman is like living in a null space.
All my money gets mapped to zero.
 
  • #1,271
Lancelot59 said:
Living with a woman is like living in a null space.
All my money gets mapped to zero.

What a coincidence...the same destination as her sanity :p
 
  • #1,272
HeLiXe said:
What a coincidence...the same destination as her sanity :p

I think that goes both ways. :rolleyes:
 
  • #1,273
Hydrogen and oxygen are out having drinks and gold walks in. They say "eh you, get out of the bar"
 
  • #1,274
Amazon said:
Hydrogen and oxygen are out having drinks and gold walks in. They say "eh you, get out of the bar"

HA! I get it. I've heard a few good jokes that use a similar trick but I can't remember them at the moment.
 
  • #1,275
"It's a plane figure," Tom said flatly.
"99 is almost 100," said Tom roughly.
"1,3,5,7," Tom said oddly.
"Space is an infinite set of points," Tom said distantly.
"They are mirror images," reflected Tom.
"Consider a linear 2-dimensional universe", Tom's teacher said plainly.
"Not I", Tom replied unimaginatively.
"Why not?", she asked initially.
"We haven't discussed the addition problems", Tom said nonplused.
"I don't know what (b^2 - 4ac) equals and I don't care!" said Tom indiscriminately...
 
  • #1,276
micromass said:
"It's a plane figure," Tom said flatly.
"99 is almost 100," said Tom roughly.
"1,3,5,7," Tom said oddly.
"Space is an infinite set of points," Tom said distantly.
"They are mirror images," reflected Tom.
"Consider a linear 2-dimensional universe", Tom's teacher said plainly.
"Not I", Tom replied unimaginatively.
"Why not?", she asked initially.
"We haven't discussed the addition problems", Tom said nonplused.
"I don't know what (b^2 - 4ac) equals and I don't care!" said Tom indiscriminately...

:smile: This is good stuff! I should send it to my English professor :D
 
  • #1,277
Astronaut: I've been to Venus and back!
Skeptic: What are you trying to pull?
Astronaut: Some gees.
 
  • #1,278
lolololll
 
  • #1,279
Pick-up lines

What’s your sine? Well it must be pi/2 because you’re the 1 ;)

You must be Windows 95 because you got me so unstable
 
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  • #1,280
Amazon said:
Pick-up lines

What’s your sine? Well it must be pi/2 because you’re the 1 ;)

You must be Windows 95 because you got me so unstable

HA! I'm tempted to try them.
 
  • #1,281
Lancelot59 said:
HA! I'm tempted to try them.

You must be extremely charismatic, that you can do the pickup equivalent of lighting a cigar with a 100 dollar bill... :biggrin:
 
  • #1,282
DaveC426913 said:
You must be extremely charismatic, that you can do the pickup equivalent of lighting a cigar with a 100 dollar bill... :biggrin:

I wish I was that rich.
 
  • #1,283
A scientist and his friend walk into a bar. The scientist says, "I'll have a cup of H2O." His friend said, "I'll have a cup of H2O, too." Then he died.

Duct tape is like the force. They both have a dark side and a light and come in handy when you're kidnapping a princess
 
  • #1,284
This joke intentionally left blank.
 
  • #1,285
lololol good one lol
 
  • #1,286
FtlIsAwesome said:
This joke intentionally left blank.

For the course evaluation for the chemistry lab I have, I wrote "This field intentionally left blank." in the additional comments box... :biggrin:
 
  • #1,287
Amazon said:
A scientist and his friend walk into a bar. The scientist says, "I'll have a cup of H2O." His friend said, "I'll have a cup of H2O, too." Then he died.
That's good.

I memorized this one from my childhood:

There once was a lad who drank some water
Poor lad, he is no more
For what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4


But yours is way better.
 
  • #1,288
[PLAIN]http://cdn.imgfave.com/image_cache/1301971571557888.jpeg[/CENTER]​
 
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  • #1,289
A neutron walks into a bar...

and orders a drink. "How much?" he asks,
the bartender says “For you, no charge."



Two atoms walk into a bar, one turns to the other and says, "I believe I lost an electron". The other atom says, "are you sure?" to which the first atom replies. "im positive".



A photon bumps into a electron, and the electron asks "where are you going why the rush?" The photon replies "I have mass." The electron says "I didnt know photons had mass." The photon replies "I'm catholic."
 
  • #1,291


A virus walks into a bar. The bartender sneers "We don't serve your kind here!" So the virus replaces the bartender and says "now we do."

Credit: Brian Malow

(don't yell at me because it's a biology joke)
 
  • #1,292


Jack21222 said:
(don't yell at me because it's a biology joke)

It's a BIOLOGY joke! What are you thinking?! We have standards here! :biggrin:
 
  • #1,293


micromass said:
You'll find thousands more in our lame jokes thread!

Into which this thread has now been assimilated. Resistance is futile.
 
  • #1,294


jtbell said:
I...Resistance is futile.

(If < 1 Ω)
 

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