Collection of Lame Jokes

[jhae2.718]

Don't yell at the guy, we all know that biology is a joke

I mean, if they publish stuff like this:
http://fliptomato.wordpress.com/200...cher-discovers-integration-gets-75-citations/
(ok, it was a medical "researcher", but it counts as biology)

I love how the guy names it after himself...

 

[Amazon]

There's a big calculus party, and all the functions are invited. ln(x) is talking to some trig functions, when he sees his friend e^x sulking in a corner.

ln(x): "What's wrong e^x?"
e^x: "I'm so lonely!"
ln(x): "Well, you should go integrate yourself into the crowd!"
...e^x looks up and cries, "It won't make a difference!"

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

(don't yell at me because it's a biology joke)

It could be a computer joke.

 

[jhae2.718]

Longest song in the world*: $\aleph_0$ bottles of beer on the wall

*Assuming that a bottle of beer is a discrete object and is an element of N

 

[HeLiXe]

There's a big calculus party, and all the functions are invited. ln(x) is talking to some trig functions, when he sees his friend e^x sulking in a corner.

ln(x): "What's wrong e^x?"
e^x: "I'm so lonely!"
ln(x): "Well, you should go integrate yourself into the crowd!"
...e^x looks up and cries, "It won't make a difference!"

 

[EternityMech]

my jokes were the best

 

[lisab]

There's a big calculus party, and all the functions are invited. ln(x) is talking to some trig functions, when he sees his friend e^x sulking in a corner.

ln(x): "What's wrong e^x?"
e^x: "I'm so lonely!"
ln(x): "Well, you should go integrate yourself into the crowd!"
...e^x looks up and cries, "It won't make a difference!"

Lololol...nice

 

[lisab]

my jokes were the best

Ah, but were they the lamest?

 

[Borg]

Into which this thread has now been assimilated. Resistance is futile.

I agree.

 

[jtbell]

A Borg walks into a bar.

Bartender: "What'll you have?"

Borg: "Everybody on this planet. Resistance is futile."

(I've been watching too much Star Trek lately, thanks to the nightly re-runs of TNG on one of my local TV stations.)

 

[Borg]

A Borg walks into a bar.

Bartender: "What'll you have?"

Borg: "Everybody on this planet. Resistance is futile."

(I've been watching too much Star Trek lately, thanks to the nightly re-runs of TNG on one of my local TV stations.)

I need to seriously consider this for my signature.

 

[HeLiXe]

Don't yell at the guy, we all know that biology is a joke

I mean, if they publish stuff like this:
http://fliptomato.wordpress.com/200...cher-discovers-integration-gets-75-citations/
(ok, it was a medical "researcher", but it counts as biology)

The first sentence made me laugh and the last one almost killed me LOL

 

[Darken-Sol]

i put spot remover on my dog, now he's gone.

 

[lisab]

i put spot remover on my dog, now he's gone.

 

[HeLiXe]

 

[cobalt124]

This is from my eldest son:

"I joined a new club, apparently its going to be the latest craze - blindfold plane spotting. In the end I only went once, I didn't see it taking off.".

 

[Lisa!]

[PLAIN]http://cdn.imgfave.com/image_cache2/1302942571473427.jpeg

 

[WhoWee]

What did the chicken say to the duck?





Don't mess with my peeps.

 

[jtbell]

A few days ago while driving to campus (unusually, because I normally walk), I swerved to avoid a turtle in the middle of the street. This got me wondering:

"Why did the turtle cross the road?"

Because it was hungry, and looking for some chicken.

 

[WhoWee]

A few days ago while driving to campus (unusually, because I normally walk), I swerved to avoid a turtle in the middle of the street. This got me wondering:

"Why did the turtle cross the road?"

Because it was hungry, and looking for some chicken.

What do truck drivers call turtles who cross the road?




Speed bumps.

 

[IMP]

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

 

[lisab]

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

Lol...that's not lame!

 

[IMP]

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

 

[cobalt124]

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

Two fish in a tank. One says to the other "Do you know how to drive this thing?".

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

Two fish in a tank. One says to the other "Do you know how to drive this thing?".

"Let's try this button."
*cannon fires*
"Oops! There goes that building."

 

[HeLiXe]

Two fish in a tank. One says to the other "Do you know how to drive this thing?".

 

[HeLiXe]

What did the chicken say to the duck?





Don't mess with my peeps.

 

[Darken-Sol]

why don't cannibals eat clowns? they taste funny

 

[Alfi]

The difference between kids and cannibal kids.

What's for dinner Mom?

What's for dinner? Mom?

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

People who eat vegetables live on planets and moons around Vega.
Because they're Vegans.

 

[FlexGunship]

People who eat vegetables live on planets and moons around Vega.
Because they're Vegans.

Flag on the play!

 

[Darken-Sol]

chuck norris doesn't do push ups he is actually pushing the world down

 

[Isaacsname]

chuck norris doesn't do push ups he is actually pushing the world down

I heard that's why we have tides...

 

[cobalt124]

Lame Shakespeare Quote:

"Tubby, or not tubby. Fat is the question".

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

chuck norris doesn't do push ups he is actually pushing the world down

There's a whole thread for those.
https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=177805