Collection of Lame Jokes

[dextercioby]

Properly lame, big thumbs down for it.

 

[fresh_42]

My daughter is taking part in an experiment. She has to wear the Seahawks jersey for two weeks to find out how people react to it. She was spat on, beaten and mobbed. I wonder what will happen when she leaves the house.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[jtbell]

What do you call someone who emigrates from a certain Balkan country to the capital of New York state?

An Albanian Albanian.

 

[dextercioby]

The lamest part of the joke has to be the grammar.

 

[DrGreg]

The lamest part of the joke has to be the grammar.View attachment 314448

A contest where the winner is a loser?

ILLOGICAL! CANNOT COMPUTE!

(Computer* explodes in a puff of logic.)

*In case you're not familiar with this new-fangled concept of computer, it's a large box covered with flashing lights, spinning tape spools, paper tape readers and teletypes, and talks like a dalek.

 

[kuruman]

A contest where the winner is a loser?

If there are only two contestants in such a contest, who is the winner?

 

[jbriggs444]

A contest where the winner is a loser?

Dinner for Schmucks: "Which I nailed"

 

[Swamp Thing]

A contest where the winner is a loser?

ILLOGICAL! CANNOT COMPUTE!

If there are only two contestants in such a contest, who is the winner?

Reminds one of Russel's barber paradox.

 

[Borg]

View attachment 314461

Birds Aren't Real​

 

[DennisN]

Everything was better before. Stone age, for example, no bills, no IRS, and BBQ the whole time.

Yes. And before the wheel was invented there were fewer road accidents too!

 

[DennisN]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 314463

Heh heh. Had to think about that one for a moment...

 

[Ibix]

In case you're not familiar with this new-fangled concept of computer, it's a large box covered with flashing lights, spinning tape spools, paper tape readers and teletypes, and talks like a dalek.

ACHTUNG!
ALLES TURISTEN UND NONTEKNISCHEN LOOKENSPEEPERS!
DAS KOMPUTERMASCHINE IST NICHT FÜR DER GEFINGERPOKEN UND MITTENGRABEN! ODERWISE IST EASY TO SCHNAPPEN DER SPRINGENWERK, BLOWENFUSEN UND POPPENCORKEN MIT SPITZENSPARKEN.
IST NICHT FÜR GEWERKEN BEI DUMMKOPFEN. DER RUBBERNECKEN SIGHTSEEREN KEEPEN DAS COTTONPICKEN HÄNDER IN DAS POCKETS MUSS.
ZO RELAXEN UND WATSCHEN DER BLINKENLICHTEN.

 

[DennisN]

This one's a bit old, but still fun :

 

[kuruman]

ACHTUNG!
ALLES TURISTEN UND NONTEKNISCHEN LOOKENSPEEPERS!
DAS KOMPUTERMASCHINE IST NICHT FÜR DER GEFINGERPOKEN UND MITTENGRABEN! ODERWISE IST EASY TO SCHNAPPEN DER SPRINGENWERK, BLOWENFUSEN UND POPPENCORKEN MIT SPITZENSPARKEN.
IST NICHT FÜR GEWERKEN BEI DUMMKOPFEN. DER RUBBERNECKEN SIGHTSEEREN KEEPEN DAS COTTONPICKEN HÄNDER IN DAS POCKETS MUSS.
ZO RELAXEN UND WATSCHEN DER BLINKENLICHTEN.

I remember one of these signs on ye olde PDP-8 in the lab.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[BWV]

 

[Ibix]

Is there some obscure mate-in-$N$ for white there? Or is it just the combination of the stupidity needed to try to promote seven pawns and the genius needed to pull it off?

 

[fresh_42]

Is there some obscure mate-in-$N$ for white there? Or is it just the combination of the stupidity needed to try to promote seven pawns and the genius needed to pull it off?

Ne4 ++

 

[fresh_42]

Is there some obscure mate-in-$N$ for white there? Or is it just the combination of the stupidity needed to try to promote seven pawns and the genius needed to pull it off?

Black has more work:

1. ... , Qd1+
2. Nb1, Qb1:+
3. Kb1:, Qc1++

 

[fresh_42]

Spoiler: Caution! This one hurts!

 

[DennisN]

 

[artis]

Spoiler: Caution! This one hurts!

View attachment 314526

A wooden internal combustion engine also known as the "external combustion engine" after the first minute of running.

As long as you plant a tree afterwards the engine has combusted itself your carbon neutral in theory, way to go!

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 314347

Sofa So Good.

 

[artis]

View attachment 314506​

Who's the tow truck driver, Vin Diesel aka Dominic Toretto?

Drive it like you stole it , I guess.

 

[WWGD]

Domino effect

 

[WWGD]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[DennisN]

 

[WWGD]