Collection of Lame Jokes

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In summary: It's a humor that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness. It's not for everyone.Not a fan of surrealism, I take it?In summary, surrealism is an art form that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness, often producing incongruous imagery or effects. It may not be appreciated by everyone, but for those who do, it can be quite humorous.
  • #14,386
My study concluded Russian Roulette is not dangerous. 100% of all respondents survived it!
 
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Physics news on Phys.org
  • #14,387
An elderly lady has just finished discussing the arrangements for her late husband's funeral, and the director of the mortuary asks her if there's anything else they can do to honor the dearly departed, anything at all. She tells him, "Well, I hate to mention it. I chose that black suit because it was the most expensive one he had, but blue was really his color. I first met him in a blue suit, and he wore blue when we married. If you could buy him a really nice blue suit to be buried in, I'd appreciate it greatly. I know that's over and above what we discussed, so take this." She hands him a blank check and he tells her he'll do his best.

The next day the viewing starts and the elderly lady is very pleased to see her husband in a very stylish blue suit. She thanks the funeral director and compliments his choice. He assures her it was his pleasure, and then returns the blank check. The lady objects, saying, "But that's a really nice suit! Aren't you going out of pocket for it?"

"Madam, by a complete coincidence, another woman wanted her deceased husband buried in a black suit instead of a blue one. One of my assistants remarked on how both men were about the same size, so it was the easiest thing in the world to just swap their heads!"
 
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  • #14,388
Should I push someone off.jpg
 
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  • #14,389
1671862956757.png
 
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  • #14,390
I have been told I often think outside of the box.
Except the box is the one you keep random screws, receipts and buttons in you're too afraid to throw out.
 
  • #14,391
I'm pretty sure I saw this kid on The Godfather. Didn't he say something about leaving the gun but taking the cannolis?

1671934275515.png
 
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  • #14,392
The IRS sends their auditor (a nasty little man) to audit a synagogue.
The auditor is doing all the checks, and then turns to the Rabbi and says, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles."
"Yes," answered the Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked.
"A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up. When we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker and every now and then, they send us a free box of candles."
"Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his question actually had a practical answer.? So he thought he'd try another question, in his obnoxious way...
"Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs from the matzo?
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up the crumbs, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a free box of matzo balls."
"Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?"
"Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to the IRS ."
"To the IRS ?" questioned the auditor in disbelief.
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, "directly to The IRS ...And about once a year, they send us a little prick like you.”
 
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  • #14,393
1671979374510.png
 
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  • #14,394
FB_IMG_1671991450538.jpg
 
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  • #14,395
20221225_183151.jpg
 
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  • #14,396
Merry Christmas from the cat:

xmascat.jpg
 
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  • #14,397
I got some hair on my Chinese food. I told the lady: " I said ' Lo Mein', not ' Rogaine'".
 
  • #14,398
Screenshot 2022-12-26 at 9.24.09 AM.png
 
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  • #14,399
1671999742949.jpg
 
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  • #14,400
Dang it!
 
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  • #14,401
DaveC426913 said:
Dang it!
You owe Dennis 5 guineas. :wink:
 
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  • #14,402
20221227_013640.jpg
 
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  • #14,403
20221227_003921.jpg
 
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  • #14,404
1672130507378.png
 
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  • #14,405
1672130547629.png
 
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  • #14,406
FB_IMG_1672133159095.jpg
 
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  • #14,407
berkeman said:
You owe Dennis 5 guineas. :wink:
Fowl play imo.
 
  • #14,408
20221227_131619.jpg
 
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  • #14,409
20221227_131642.jpg
 
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  • #14,410
20221227_003953.jpg
 
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  • #14,411
Did you hear Santa was stuck in a chimney for hours this year? He had to be freed by emergency services, and I hear there were some after effects. He's got Claustrophobia.
 
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  • #14,412
20221227_235756.jpg
 
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  • #14,413
20221227_235723.jpg
 
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  • #14,414
Screenshot 2022-12-28 at 10.04.40 AM.png
 
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  • #14,415
Screenshot 2022-12-28 at 11.22.40 AM.png
 
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  • #14,416
Screenshot 2022-12-28 at 12.31.02 PM.png
 
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  • #14,417
It was sooo cold last weekend...

[peanut gallery] How cold was it, JT?

It was sooo cold, the goats froze!

goat.jpg
 
  • #14,419
1672304171508.png
 
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  • #14,420
1672312578907.png
 
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