Collection of Lame Jokes

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In summary: It's a humor that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness. It's not for everyone.Not a fan of surrealism, I take it?In summary, surrealism is an art form that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness, often producing incongruous imagery or effects. It may not be appreciated by everyone, but for those who do, it can be quite humorous.
  • #17,011
A SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE IN VANCOUVER READS:
We will heel you.
We will save your sole.
We will even dye for you.

A SIGN ON A BLINDS AND CURTAIN TRUCK:
Blind man driving.

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix.

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels.

On a Septic Tank Truck:

Yesterday's Meals on Wheels.

At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.

On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed.

On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout.

On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts.

In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action."

On a Maternity Room door
"Push. Push. Push."

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!

At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.

In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait.

At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank Heaven for little grills.

In a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak.

And the best one for last:
Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck: Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises
 
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  • #17,012
Btw., does anybody know who sang: "Objects In The Rear View Mirror May Appear Redder Than They Are"? Was it Meet Doppler?
 
  • #17,013
FB_IMG_1697215795061.jpg
 
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  • #17,014
With everything going on in the world these days, this one is especially appropriate to lighten the mood:

solve-problems-without-violence.jpg
 
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  • #17,015
Jesus & Rick Astley.jpg
 
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  • #17,016
_nc_ohc=crc2VgzSmf8AX9vc2aq&_nc_ht=scontent-fra3-2.jpg
 
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  • #17,017
dextercioby said:
It's the alligator in the back he needs to worry about - they're extremely litigious. It's where the word "allegation" comes from.

(Tip o' the hat to Rich Hall and Jeremy Hardy on QI for that one.)
 
Last edited:
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  • #17,018
I had to read a couple of these a few times to get the joke but I promise you they are all there.

HMM ... I've tried posting this image at several sizes by it always shows up here in this small size.
1697315572747.png
 
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  • #17,019
Here is one for @berkeman :

_nc_ohc=a6ryyH-FoGIAX-0l_dd&_nc_ht=scontent-fra3-1.jpg


1697327561332.png
 
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  • #17,020
_nc_ohc=_QYOKfRt0QQAX8CPW-9&_nc_ht=scontent-fra3-2.jpg
 
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  • #17,021
I hear that a recent bestseller about poltergeists is simply flying off the shelves.
 
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  • #17,022
_nc_ohc=W96Ko4Yp9AcAX9EB2PS&_nc_ht=scontent-fra5-2.jpg
 
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  • #17,023
Swamp Thing said:
I hear that a recent bestseller about poltergeists is simply flying off the shelves.
I couldn't put it down.
 
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  • #17,024
_nc_ohc=m4UZKogLgIAAX82-fUo&_nc_ht=scontent-fra5-2.jpg
 
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  • #17,025
Screenshot 2023-10-15 at 6.09.14 PM.png
 
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  • #17,027
Shouldn't the YouTube show front view the camera is positioned?
 
  • #17,028
The laws of optics are different in Flatland.
 
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  • #17,029
1697429114802.png
 
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  • #17,030
 
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  • #17,031
Screenshot 2023-10-16 at 6.23.33 AM.png
 
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  • #17,033
FB_IMG_1697470178047.jpg
 
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  • #17,034
_nc_ohc=kiOHpSsWbSYAX-Hy4OH&_nc_ht=scontent-fra3-1.jpg
 
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  • #17,035
_nc_ohc=2SlRvjVB7KQAX8gDUS7&_nc_ht=scontent-fra3-1.jpg
 
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  • #17,036
1697505393988.png
 
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  • #17,037
1697523602038.png
 
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  • #17,038
_nc_ohc=akyrwxdMZBsAX-_B4Gu&_nc_ht=scontent-fra5-1.jpg
 
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  • #17,039
FB_IMG_1697565781799.jpg
 
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  • #17,040
We are doomed!

_nc_ohc=HJ1wck2ZwWkAX9X0j3o&_nc_ht=scontent-fra5-1.jpg
 
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  • #17,041
If it said NEWWOKLLIM you'd be in real trouble...
 
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  • #17,042
Proof:
On a clear day you would see this:
( Higfhlight emphasis and contrast enhancement )

1697575864196.png

Rain washes the pollutants out, and you see this :
View attachment 1697576065816.webp
Case closed.
 
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  • #17,043
YLTSENOH I don't get EKOJ
 
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  • #17,044
1697587066719.jpeg
 
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  • #17,045
1697587202892.png
 
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