Collection of Lame Jokes

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In summary: It's a humor that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness. It's not for everyone.Not a fan of surrealism, I take it?In summary, surrealism is an art form that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness, often producing incongruous imagery or effects. It may not be appreciated by everyone, but for those who do, it can be quite humorous.
  • #1,821
Borek said:
I don't recall any joke that was polished that long

:smile:
 
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  • #1,822
Borek said:
I don't recall any joke that was polished that long

It's really fine grain humor.
 
  • #1,823
Physics? I know nothing about physics but here I do enjoy the Gritty humor
 
  • #1,824
Sitting Bull had to ride a rental Ox while his Bison was in the shop.

After a few days, he noticed the interior of his thighs were getting chapped.

He paused one day and thought to himself ; " This is quite the corundum, I have a fond emory of sitting on something smoother than an oxide ".
 
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  • #1,827
WhoWee said:
Son of Sand Paper or the Masked Finisher?

We can hope he'll deliver a smooth finish to this thread once and for all.
 
  • #1,828
Hey, what did the banana say to the bunch ?

" I'll see you guys later, I gotta...
































...go to the store to get a sock "
 
  • #1,829
Isaacsname said:
We can hope he'll deliver a smooth finish to this thread once and for all.

It was getting a little rough.
 
  • #1,830
Sand paper you say... I thought it was a map of the Sahara
 
  • #1,831
Masochists make scratch-n-sniff stickers out of sandpaper.
 
  • #1,832
Isaacsname said:
Masochists make scratch-n-sniff stickers out of sandpaper.

Would that be un-nerving or de-nerving?
 
  • #1,833
OldChap said:
Sand paper you say... I thought it was a map of the Sahara

It also doubles as a grooming brush for your pet rock. :-p
 
  • #1,834
Isaacsname said:
It also doubles as a grooming brush for your pet rock. :-p

:smile::smile::smile:
 
  • #1,835
Isaacsname said:
It also doubles as a grooming brush for your pet rock. :-p

I think it would give it a sandy finish.
 
  • #1,836
Balls - interesting observation.

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL..
2 The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
3 The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4 The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
5 The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.

And...

6 The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.

THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:

The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

-----------

In Washington DC they must play with marbles,..apparently.
 
  • #1,837
Isaacsname said:
Balls - interesting observation.

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL..
2 The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
3 The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4 The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
5 The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.

And...

6 The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.

THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:

The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

-----------

In Washington DC they must play with marbles,..apparently.

Is an American football - really a ball?

I'd better brush up on the definition - scratch the surface a bit.
 
  • #1,838
[STRIKE]I would mention scientists and Buckeyball, but I'm sure that would warrant me an insta-ban.[/STRIKE]

I did not even think that. No. It was, um, Penguino!
 
  • #1,839
WhoWee said:
Is an American football - really a ball?

It's a ball; it's just not a spherical ball.
 
  • #1,840
DaveC426913 said:
It's a ball; it's just not a spherical ball.
(trying to keep the sand paper going)





All I know is once the surface is smooth - it's harder to handle.
 
  • #1,841
Oh, I guess I could belt out a few more given the opportunity.
 
  • #1,842
Arnold Zander, an obscure 1930's Chicago baker, was facing a rough lawsuit from a rival competitor concerning the name of a cookie, Pecan Sandies. He was really stuck on the cookie as it was a top seller, so he decided to cave in and rename it. He went back and forth in his mind,... and forth and back some more,... quarts of sweat literally poured from his brow...as he discarded mental inclusions in search of clarity...

"... Hhhmmmm ...crunchy crumblies ?...naaah...crispie snappers ?...no...hmmm...Zander's Crumbles ..?...maybe...wait,.. "

" I've got it ! "..." Brittle Zanders " he whispers to himself smoothly with a glint in his eye.

A few weeks go by, business is brisk, friction with the rival was gone, things were almost too good, as Arnold hardly had time to close up shop and get to his son's school in time to pick him up.

He's ready to rush out the door in a mad dash, when his old friend Ed comes running up frantically.

" Oh man, I am so glad to see you, my kid's throwing a tantrum, I left him in the car around the corner, you got anything left ? "

Arnold, reluctantly, steps aside as Ed runs in and tugs the lightcord.

" Hey neato, is that some sort of fancy Chinese rope or something ? "

" No, it's a braid, Ed, my kid made it in school, can you hurry up ? "

Ed runs over to the cookie case.

" Brownies and cookies ? Aw man...That's all you got left ? "

" Look ", says Arnold, " I don't have all day man, I got to pick up my kid too. "

" Now, make up your mind, what do you want ? "

" Brownies or Brittle Zanders ? "
 
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  • #1,843
Isaacsname said:
" Brownies or Brittle Zanders ? "

:crickets chirping:

...I don't get it...:confused:
 
  • #1,844
Isaacsname said:
In Washington DC they must play with marbles,..apparently.

By the time they get to Washington, they've lost all their marbles. :rolleyes:
 
  • #1,845
DaveC426913 said:
:crickets chirping:

...I don't get it...:confused:

Hahahaha...this why I'm never taking you rattlesnake hunting.

I hid at least 10 gems in there, start with the phrase " orbital sanders " and go from there.

looool. :smile:
 
  • #1,846
Isaacsname said:
Hahahaha...this why I'm never taking you rattlesnake hunting.

I hid at least 10 gems in there, start with the phrase " orbital sanders " and go from there.

looool. :smile:

LAAAAAAAAAME! So it fits in here perfectly I guess. That's actually nicely well hidden in there.
 
  • #1,847
This thread is so grating.
 
  • #1,848
Lancelot59 said:
LAAAAAAAAAME! So it fits in here perfectly I guess. That's actually nicely well hidden in there.

I'm drawing from my interest in what I refer to as " linguistic illusions ", also mondegreens, nonce words, etc. Check out the lyrics to Mairzy Doats. Things like this are used as a gauge of restored cognitive function in patients with severe brain trauma.

-

Also years of experience polishing BS.....borosilcate glass. I'm glad you guys can appreciate that I came up with this from scratch.

...somebody help me,...I can't stop.
 
  • #1,849
What's the integral of [tex]\frac{1}{cabin}[/tex]? It's not a log cabin, it's a houseboat. You forgot to add the C.
 
  • #1,850
DaveC426913 said:
:crickets chirping:

...I don't get it...:confused:

I'm sure everything will get clearer if you just go over it a few times..

:smile:
 
  • #1,851
Lancelot59 said:
What's the integral of [tex]\frac{1}{cabin}[/tex]? It's not a log cabin, it's a houseboat. You forgot to add the C.

:-p
 
  • #1,852
Isaacsname said:
I'm sure everything will get clearer if you just go over it a few times..

:smile:

I have. It hasn't.Anyone?

Anyone?

Bueller?
 
  • #1,853
Isaacsname said:
Arnold Zander, an obscure 1930's Chicago baker, was facing a rough lawsuit from a rival competitor concerning the name of a cookie, Pecan Sandies. He was really stuck on the cookie as it was a top seller, so he decided to cave in and rename it. He went back and forth in his mind,... and forth and back some more,... quartz of sweat literally poured from his brow...as he discarded mental inclusions in search of clarity...

"... Hhhmmmm ...crunchy crumblies ?...naaah...crispie snappers ?...no...hmmm...Zander's Crumbles ..?...maybe...wait,.. "

" I've got it ! "..." Brittle Zanders " he whispers to himself smoothly with a glint in his eye.

A few weeks go by, business is brisk, friction with the rival was gone, things were almost too good, as Arnold hardly had time to close up shop and get to his son's school in time to pick him up.

He's ready to rush out the door in a mad dash, when his old friend Ed comes running up frantically.

" Oh man, I am so glad to see you, my kid's throwing a tantrum, I left him in the car around the corner, you got anything left ? "

Arnold, reluctantly, steps aside as Ed runs in and tugs the lightcord.

" Hey neato, is that some sort of fancy Chinese rope or something ? "

" No, it's abraided my kid made it in school, can you hurry up ? "

Ed runs over to the cookie case.

" Brownies and cookies ? Aw man...That's all you got left ? "

" Look ", says Arnold, " I don't have all day man, I got to pick up my kid too. "

" Now, make up your mind, what do you want ? "

" Brownies orbital sanders? "

:rolleyes:
 
  • #1,854
Knock knock!
 
  • #1,855
FlexGunship said:
Knock knock!

Knock knock!
 

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