Collection of Lame Jokes

[jtbell]

The animals at the zoo have been gossiping about the latest arrival: "Can you believe what the new gnu knew?!"

 

[Isaacsname]

How does a dairy cow go when it sneaks off the farm ?

Pasturize

 

[QuarkCharmer]

What do neutrinos wear when they ride horses?

Spoiler

massless chaps

 

[DaveC426913]

What do neutrinos wear when they ride horses?

Spoiler

massless chaps

Oh.

I didn't get it at first, so I Googled the phrase.

I got it. I got retinal scarring is what I got.

Thank you QuarkCharmer for that.

 

[QuarkCharmer]

Oh.

I didn't get it at first, so I Googled the phrase.

I got it. I got retinal scarring is what I got.

Thank you QuarkCharmer for that.

I didn't think that anyone would have to google that one!

 

[maggiemaeu]

why do we drive on the parkway and park on a driveway?
i think that one technically belongs to the stupidest questions.

 

[Isaacsname]

What's the difference between an accordian and an onion ?

Nobody's going to cry if you cut an accordian into tiny pieces.

 

[DaveC426913]

I didn't think that anyone would have to google that one!

I know what they are, I just didn't make the connection. Obvious in retrospect.

 

[lisab]

What do neutrinos wear when they ride horses?

Spoiler

massless chaps

...hilarious...!

 

[Lisa!]

PS: Is there any lame pics thread? Anyway if I'm ruining this thread with these pics, please let me know!​

 

[Isaacsname]

A neutrino was arrested for exceeding the speed limit recently, but they had to let it go...

...

 

[IMP]

I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there are decimal points involved.

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Doctor.
Doctor who?
Just "The Doctor".


--------


zombie kitteh sez: i can has brains?

 

[HeLiXe]

I saw this on a professor's office door today and probably laughed more than most would
http://halloween.tipjunkie.com/wp-content/halloween-thumbs/if-the-broom-fits-ride-it-printable.jpg

 

[jtbell]

With the new iPhone out, we can expect Siri to contribute a lot of lame jokes. Here are a couple that I've read about recently:

Q: Can you tell me a bad joke?

Siri: Two iPhones walk into a bar ... I forget the rest.

-----

Q: How much wood can a woodchuck chuck?

Siri: 42 cords.

-----

Q: Who's on first?

Siri: That's right.

 

[Lancelot59]

With the new iPhone out, we can expect Siri to contribute a lot of lame jokes. Here are a couple that I've read about recently:

Q: Can you tell me a bad joke?

Siri: Two iPhones walk into a bar ... I forget the rest.

-----

Q: How much wood can a woodchuck chuck?

Siri: 42 cords.

-----

Q: Who's on first?

Siri: That's right.

There's already a website for this stuff:
http://garbagesirisays.com/

[PLAIN]http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltdn1zVpNe1r4h7kbo1_500.png[PLAIN]http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltdy96kEZm1r4h7kbo1_500.png

 

[Isaacsname]

When a blind person touches sandpaper, do they interpet static ?

 

[WhoWee]

When a blind person touches sandpaper, do they interpet static ?

That's a bit rough - even coarse - and quite abrasive.

 

[Isaacsname]

That's a bit rough - even coarse - and quite abrasive.

Apologies then, I never meant to rub you the wrong way.

 

[WhoWee]

Apologies then, I never meant to rub you the wrong way.

No worries - hardly scratched the surface.

 

[Lancelot59]

No worries - hardly scratched the surface.

Now that that has been smoothed over, let's tell a joke.

 

[WhoWee]

Now that that has been smoothed over, let's tell a joke.

Not to be glossy, but a friction-less transition to real humor might require joke buffers:

http://www.google.com/search?aq=0&oq=joke+buffer&gcx=w&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&q=joke+buffers

 

[FlexGunship]

For the love of science, STOP!

(Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/-jon-/2239916961/)

 

[dacruick]

Impressive banter above.

 

[WhoWee]

For the love of science, STOP!

(Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/-jon-/2239916961/)

I guess NOW we all know what the sandpaper would sound like?

 

[HeLiXe]

Now that that has been smoothed over, let's tell a joke.

 

[Isaacsname]

You guys are going to wear me down if this keeps up.

 

[Lancelot59]

You guys are going to wear me down if this keeps up.

Sorry, I didn't mean to grind on your nerves.

 

[Borek]

I don't recall any joke that was polished that long

 

[jtbell]

You guys are going to wear me down if this keeps up.

Illegitimi non carborundum.

 

[Isaacsname]

This thread goes against the grain of anything decent.

 

[Isaacsname]

Whats Mork from Ork's favorite SI unit ?

The Nanoometer

 

[QuarkCharmer]

Whats Mork from Ork's favorite SI unit ?

The Nanoometer

What's Mike Tyson's favorite unit of mass?

Spoiler

The slug.

 

[Isaacsname]

A sheet of paper wraps around a bar...

 

[HeLiXe]

Whats Mork from Ork's favorite SI unit ?

The Nanoometer

lololz