Collection of Lame Jokes

[Orodruin]

 

[docnet]

View attachment 346085

Mr.Lovenstein's cartoons can be so relatably dark

 

[DennisN]

 

[davenn]

 

[Borg]

Clearly, one of them ran faster than the other two.

 

[davenn]

When you just want to play your guitar but your dad is that guy from Pink Floyd

 

[fresh_42]

When you just want to go out but that guy from Pink Floyd plans a concert

 

[berkeman]

 

[BillTre]

 

[phinds]

Woodworking humor:

 

[DennisN]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[phinds]

 

[topsquark]

View attachment 346180

...and one in each coat, one in each backpack...

Oh! That was for my migraines. Sorry!

-Dan

 

[fresh_42]

...and one in each coat, one in each backpack...

Oh! That was for my migraines. Sorry!

-Dan

Seems I'm not the only one who has ibu and asa within reach.

 

[jtbell]

Woodworking humor:

View attachment 346168

IMO "Beech, beech, beech" would have been better.

 

[davenn]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 346221

If you can do it, it reflects badly on you

 

[fresh_42]

If you can do it, it reflects badly on you

.ʇɥƃᴉɹ ǝɹɐ noʎ pᴉɐɹⅎɐ ɯ╻I

 

[jack action]

 

[jbriggs444]

.ʇɥƃᴉɹ ǝɹɐ noʎ pᴉɐɹⅎɐ ɯ╻I

My mother, a second grade school teacher, developed the useful skill of reading children's handwriting upside-down.

[My useless skill is reciting the alphabet backward]

 

[berkeman]

[My useless skill is reciting the alphabet backward]

I dunno, it might be pretty amusing during DUI tests...

 

[Borg]

I dunno, it might be pretty amusing during DUI tests...

I used to be able to do that and had the opportunity to use it that way once. No, I wasn't drunk.

 

[berkeman]

I used to be able to do that and had the opportunity to use it that way once. No, I wasn't drunk.

LOL. How did the officer take it?

 

[Borg]

I had been asked to recite the alphabet and screwed it up because I had been practicing it backwards. When I messed up, he asked if I had been drinking and I explained that I had been practicing it in reverse. He then asked me to do it that way, I got it right and he sent me on my way.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

.ʇɥƃᴉɹ ǝɹɐ noʎ pᴉɐɹⅎɐ ɯ╻I

¡ǝʅʅᴉꟽ ǝᴉzɐɹ⅁

¡sʞɹoʍ ʅʅᴉʇs ʞʍɐɥɹǝʌoH ɹoʇɐʅnɔʅɐϽ uoᴉɥsnϽ ɹᴉ∀ ʇⅎɐɹɔɹǝʌoH ǝɥꓕ .snoᴉɹǝs uɐɥʇ ʎuunⅎ ǝɹoɯ ʎʅʅɐnʇɔɐ ʇnq ǝnʅɐʌ ʅɐɔᴉuɥɔǝʇ ⅎo ʎʅʅɐɯɹoⅎ ǝɹɐ ʇɐɥʇ sʞuᴉʅ uᴉ pǝʇsǝɹǝʇuᴉ osʅɐ ɯ╻I ʍou ʇɥƃᴉɹ pɐǝɹ puɐ ǝǝs uɐɔ noʎ s∀ .ʍouʞ ǝɯ ʇǝʅ ǝsɐǝʅd ʻsɹoʇɐʅnɔʅɐɔ ǝuᴉʅuo ⅎo ʇsᴉʅ ʎɯ oʇ pǝppɐ ǝq uɐɔ ʇɐɥʇ spunodɯoɔ ʅɐɔᴉɯǝɥɔ ɹo sƃoʅɐʇɐɔ ʅɐɔᴉƃoʅoᴉq .ƃ.ǝ ʻsǝƃɐdqǝʍ - ɔᴉⅎᴉʇuǝᴉɔs ʎʅqɐɹǝⅎǝɹd - ʎuɐ ʍouʞ noʎ ⅎI .pǝʞoʌoɹdun ʎʅƃuᴉɯǝǝs ʇsǝnbǝɹ ʎɯ puǝs oʇ ǝʌɐɥ I os ǝsɐɔ ǝɥʇ ʇ╻usɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ʻʎʅǝʇɐunʇɹoⅎuՈ .pǝʞsɐ ǝʌɐɥ pʅnoʍ ǝuoǝɯos ʇɐɥʇ pǝdoɥ I ʻʅʅǝϺ

Last time upside down, I promise. Thanks for reading!

Spoiler: for those who don't need brain jogging

Well, I hoped that someone would have asked. Unfortunately, this wasn't the case so I have to send my request seemingly unprovoked. If you know any - preferably scientific - webpages, e.g. biological catalogs or chemical compounds that can be added to my list of online calculators, please let me know. As you can see and read right now I'm also interested in links that are formally of technical value but actually more funny than serious. The Hovercraft Air Cushion Calculator Hoverhawk still works!

Grazie Mille!

 

[berkeman]

 

[jtbell]

More cowball!

 

[nsaspook]

 

[fresh_42]

More cowball!

View attachment 346252

Cow Lottery:

 

[phinds]

An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

 

[davenn]

 

[jtbell]

Cow Lottery:

View attachment 346256

The winner depends on where the cow patties land, right?