Collection of Lame Jokes

[DennisN]

Some more medieval jokes...

...and a Grim Reaper joke:

 

[davenn]

https://www.google.com/maps/@44.7383506,-63.3042651,18z/data=!5m1!1e1?entry=ttu

WOW I had to go look

 

[jack action]

A little Facebook humor....
Q: How many people does it take to change a lightbulb in a Facebook group?
• 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.
• 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
• 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
• 17 purists who use candles and are offended by light bulb discussions.
• 6 to argue over whether it's 'lightbulb' or 'light bulb'.
• Another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid.
• 22 to tell THOSE 6 to stop being jackasses.
• 2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is 'lamp'.
• 15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that 'light bulb' is perfectly correct.
• 249 to post memes and gifs (several are of someone eating popcorn with the words added, “I’m just here for the comments.”)
• 19 to post that this page is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a light bulb page.
• 11 to defend the posting to this page saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant here.
• 12 to post F.
• 8 to ask what F means.
• 16 to post 'Following' but there's 3 dots at the top right that means you don't have to.
• 3 to say "can't share"
• 2 to reply "can't share from a closed group"
• 36 People to post pics of their own light bulbs.
• 15 People to post "I can't see S$%^!" and use their own light bulbs.
• 6 to report the post or PM an admin because someone said "f÷×$"
• 4 to say "Didn't we go through this already a short time ago?".
• 13 to say "Do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".
• 1 to bring politics into the discussion by adding that (insert politician of choice) isn't the brightest bulb. This usually takes place within the first three comments.
• 50 more to get into personal attacks over their political views.
• 5 admins to ban the light bulb posters who took it all too seriously.
• 1 late arrival to comment on the original post 6 months later and start it all over again.

 

[jack action]

I should have Czech'd beforehand.

 

[jtbell]

Should have hired one who was Finnish.

 

[jtbell]

This morning I saw an interview with Seymour Nussenbaum, an artist from New York. After D-Day, he was part of the "ghost army" that set up inflatable tanks, dummy soldiers etc. in northern France to decoy German spy planes away from the real army.

These operations were classified military secrets until decades after the war ended.

Interviewer: "So when your family and friends asked you what you did in the war, what did you tell them?"

Nussenbaum: "I blew up tanks."

 

[Arjan82]

Interviewer: "So when your family and friends asked you what you did in the war, what did you tell them?"

Nussenbaum: "I blew up tanks."

Must be the best pun ever...

 

[DrGreg]

"I blew up tanks."

In an episode of Dastardly and Muttley, Dick Dastardly asks Muttley to blow up his beach ball. Muttley throws a bomb at it.

 

[jtbell]

Dick Dastardly asks Muttley to blow up his beach ball. Muttley throws a bomb at it.

That sounds like something Hymie the robot would do on Get Smart.

"Kill the lights, Hymie."

Pulls out his pistol and...

 

[berkeman]

 

[jack action]

 

[phinds]

 

[Gifovaco]

Lamest joke you know ...

A new firearm just for terrorists.

 

[DrGreg]

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

 

[docnet]

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

What could you do ambidextrously that you can't do now?
Edit: lol the joke went right over me at first

 

[jack action]

I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.

He said no.

 

[jack action]

How do non-binary people kill other people?

Spoiler: Answer

They/Them

Spoiler: What?!

They-slash-them

 

[jack action]

 

[phinds]

 

[jack action]

Thinking of you @phinds

 

[Gifovaco]

How do non-binary people kill other people?

Spoiler: Answer

They/Them

Spoiler: What?!

They-slash-them

With a Hex {adecimal}

 

[jack action]

 

[Gifovaco]

View attachment 346648​

You could walk up on folks grinning and say "Hi, My name is Smiley"

 

[Bystander]

"Hi, My name is Smiley"

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0074564/?ref_=nm_flmg_c_80_act

 

[fresh_42]

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0074564/?ref_=nm_flmg_c_80_act

Interesting comment.

"Agents force a former con man to help them nab a corrupt politician." (imdb.com)

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

I decided to eat healthy this morning so I didn't eat any bacon with my milk and eggs. I made an omelet by adding some flour, a bit of brownie mix, and a little sugar. Here's what I ate.

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

 

[Gifovaco]

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0074564/?ref_=nm_flmg_c_80_act

Yup... Now... haha ...

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0074564/?ref_=nm_flmg_c_80_act

Yup, cool... Here.. just for haha (me and my own self)...

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

Should have hired one who was Finnish.

They were getting a Lapp dance.

 

[WWGD]

To the person who invented zero: Thanks for nothing.

 

[fresh_42]

To the person who invented zero: Thanks for nothing.

I consider it a highlight in human history. The first time someone had the idea to name something that wasn't there. Brilliant! The downside of this thought is, that I bet it was an accountant.

 

[BillTre]

The first time someone had the idea to name something that wasn't there.

Isn't that what nothing does?