Collection of Lame Jokes

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In summary: It's a humor that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness. It's not for everyone.Not a fan of surrealism, I take it?In summary, surrealism is an art form that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness, often producing incongruous imagery or effects. It may not be appreciated by everyone, but for those who do, it can be quite humorous.
  • #2,066
http://a4.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/397557_308600239173774_100000714007923_1004846_1697206467_n.jpg
 
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  • #2,067
The answers are typed with the text in reverse.



Question:

What is a young sheepda called?








Answer:

adbmal a


-----------------------------------------


Question:

Why do mathematicians grow their plants
in boxes?








Answer:


.stoor erauqs teg ot tnaw yehT
 
  • #2,068
:smile: checkitgain: use the SPOILER tag (icon looks like an eye) in the advanced text editor.
 
  • #2,069
Drakkith said:
Was that all your stuff outside on the lawn this morning?

Lancelot59 said:
Or mysteriously missing with a big black stain on the lawn?

Oh heck no! She is much more devious than that! :biggrin: Luckily I can sleep with one eye open.
 
  • #2,070
Ivan Seeking said:
Oh heck no! She is much more devious than that! :biggrin: Luckily I can sleep with one eye open.

If you need a dog house I might be able to get you some good quality Canadian lumber.
 
  • #2,071
An Irishman walks past a bar
 
  • #2,072
:smile: Faith 'n beggorah, I actually lol'd.
 
  • #2,073
Question: Do I believe in premarital sex?

What a silly question! Not only do I believe in it, it can easily be shown to be far more likely to exist than postmarital sex.
 
  • #2,076
God is love. So you and I are about to make God, baby!
- Stephen Colbert
 
  • #2,077
There is a standard joke in either Iowa, or possibly New Hampshire, that references the personal contact voters get with Presidential candidates.

What do you think of Romney?

I don't know yet. I've only met the man twice.
 
  • #2,078
See, Bo, we call those Tea Dogs. But they don't like to play like the other dogs.

ht_president_barack_obama_dog_bo_ll_120130_wblog.jpg
 
  • #2,079
Engineers' New Conversion Table

1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram

6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong

7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling

8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon

9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz

10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower

11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line

12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake

13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone

14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles

15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle

16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds

17. 52 cards = 1 decacards

18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton

19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen

20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche

21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin

22. 10 rations = 1 decoration

23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration

24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram

25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms

26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League

27. 100 Senators = Not 1 decision
 
  • #2,080
Ivan Seeking said:
Engineers' New Conversion Table

1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram

6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong

7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling

8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon

9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz

10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower

11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line

12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake

13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone

14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles

15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle

16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds

17. 52 cards = 1 decacards

18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton

19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen

20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche

21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin

22. 10 rations = 1 decoration

23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration

24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram

25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms

26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League

27. 100 Senators = Not 1 decision

I found that amusing. Did you come up with that yourself?
 
  • #2,081
Newton never went to toilet. If he had, gravity would have been discovered much earlier.
 
  • #2,082
Lancelot59 said:
Did you come up with that yourself?

Heck no. :biggrin: It was copied from an email.
 
  • #2,083
This is mine:
------------



A man was arrested and convicted for washing clothes
without separating the colors.


He was sent to prism.
 
  • #2,084
Engineers' New Conversion Table is great!
4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

Hahahaha...
Also, sent to prism for not separating the colors... wonderful.

Speaking of prison... The energizer bunny was arrested. He was charged with battery.
 
  • #2,085
It has long been said that one should beware of Greeks bearing gifts. The question Europe faces now, is whether to trust Greeks bearing debts.
 
  • #2,086
A buffalo goes to his first day of school. As he walks away the mother says, "Bison!"
 
  • #2,087
What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

A buffalo is a North American plains mammal.

A bison is wot an Ohstrahlian woshes is 'ands in.
 
  • #2,088
DaveC426913 said:
What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

A buffalo is a North American plains mammal.

A bison is wot an Ohstrahlian woshes is 'ands in.
:smile:
 
  • #2,089
There was a young woman who lived in a shoe. She didn't have any children, but she knew what to do.
 
  • #2,090
Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do two rights make?

... The first airplane.
 
  • #2,091
Given that Republicans have long accused Obama supporters of believing him to be Christ, it is now clear to me that the world really will end this year, just as some have predicted using the Mayan calendar. Obviously, Obama’s reelection in November will be no less than the long prophesied, second coming of Christ. According to the Bible, his second term will last 1000 years.
 
  • #2,092
Ivan Seeking said:
Given that Republicans have long accused Obama supporters of believing him to be Christ, it is now clear to me that the world really will end this year, just as some have predicted using the Mayan calendar. Obviously, Obama’s reelection in November will be no less than the long prophesied, second coming of Christ. According to the Bible, his second term will last 1000 years.

Lol!
 
  • #2,093
Ivan Seeking said:
Given that Republicans have long accused Obama supporters of believing him to be Christ, it is now clear to me that the world really will end this year, just as some have predicted using the Mayan calendar. Obviously, Obama’s reelection in November will be no less than the long prophesied, second coming of Christ. According to the Bible, his second term will last 1000 years.

tsk, tsk, tsk...shame, shame, shame (insert 'wink' - it's not in the menu?)
 
  • #2,094
WhoWee said:
tsk, tsk, tsk...shame, shame, shame (insert 'wink' - it's not in the menu?)
#11: :wink:
(or simply type : wink :)
 
  • #2,095
Anna Blanksch said:
Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do two rights make?
Three rights make a left.
 
  • #2,096
Jimmy Snyder said:
Three rights make a left.

So does seven. Two rights make an about turn.
 
  • #2,097
I did something today that I don't think I've done since 2nd grade.
I finished a book in one day. 190 pages!

Jim Clifton: The Coming Jobs War

63% of me strongly agreed with 85% of his conclusions
16% of me strongly disagreed with 8% of his conclusions
10% of me thought 2% was just his biased opinion
and
11% of me had no comment

---------------------------------
Jim Clifton is CEO for the Gallup Organization
 
  • #2,098
What did the sheep say to his clone?

...I am ewe!
 
  • #2,099
OmCheeto said:
I did something today that I don't think I've done since 2nd grade.
I finished a book in one day. 190 pages!

Jim Clifton: The Coming Jobs War

63% of me strongly agreed with 85% of his conclusions
16% of me strongly disagreed with 8% of his conclusions
10% of me thought 2% was just his biased opinion
and
11% of me had no comment

---------------------------------
Jim Clifton is CEO for the Gallup Organization

I think that the margin of error is likely to be pretty large for a poll of one.
 
  • #2,100
Anna Blanksch said:
What did the sheep say to his clone?

...I am ewe!

Works better with HER clone.
 

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