- #2,626
jmneutr0nn3
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
Collection of Lame Jokes
- Thread starter quddusaliquddus
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In summary: It's a humor that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness. It's not for everyone.Not a fan of surrealism, I take it?In summary, surrealism is an art form that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness, often producing incongruous imagery or effects. It may not be appreciated by everyone, but for those who do, it can be quite humorous.
- #2,627
jtbell
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Where did the Lone Ranger take his garbage?
To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump!
To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump!
- #2,628
WildHYDRA
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Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?
To get to the same side...
To get to the same side...
- #2,629
Psinter
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Here's a funny, yet a little lame, quote I found:
- #2,630
X89codered89X
- 154
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How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. They are very efficient and not very funny.
One. They are very efficient and not very funny.
- #2,631
Enigman
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- #2,632
Borek
Mentor
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Official Polish small business register:
https://prod.ceidg.gov.pl/CEIDG/cei....aspx?Id=e82735cd-bc2b-4ac0-8bac-a1dc54d8c013
(I am listed somewhere there as well).
https://prod.ceidg.gov.pl/CEIDG/cei....aspx?Id=e82735cd-bc2b-4ac0-8bac-a1dc54d8c013
(I am listed somewhere there as well).
- #2,633
Psinter
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Text messaging
Girlfriend text message: When exactly do you plan to come back home?! It's late! *angry*
Answer to text message (somehow trying to sound like a sir): Oh my cherished lady. It is of great regret to inform you that I need to spend some more time with my preeminent friends for we need to finish a very important business. But agonize not. In a few minutes I will bestride the Taku Winds in direction of our renowned mansion and share this wonderful night under the warmth of your most precious beauty and admirable presence. Please receive my most heartfelt apologies, my exalted baroness. As proof I attach an image of my illustrious friend and I discussing very important matters. As you can admire, I am very exasperated from being asunder from you. I hold with great vehemence our conjoining in our $100 million mansion tonight.
http://img.izifunny.com/pics/20120415/640/feel-like-a-sir-14-pics_14.jpg
Girlfriend text message: When exactly do you plan to come back home?! It's late! *angry*
Answer to text message (somehow trying to sound like a sir): Oh my cherished lady. It is of great regret to inform you that I need to spend some more time with my preeminent friends for we need to finish a very important business. But agonize not. In a few minutes I will bestride the Taku Winds in direction of our renowned mansion and share this wonderful night under the warmth of your most precious beauty and admirable presence. Please receive my most heartfelt apologies, my exalted baroness. As proof I attach an image of my illustrious friend and I discussing very important matters. As you can admire, I am very exasperated from being asunder from you. I hold with great vehemence our conjoining in our $100 million mansion tonight.
http://img.izifunny.com/pics/20120415/640/feel-like-a-sir-14-pics_14.jpg
- #2,634
nuuskur
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Very important business, evidently :P
- #2,635
DivergentSpectrum
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the bartender says "sorry, we don't serve tachyons here"
a tachyon walks into a bar.
a tachyon walks into a bar.
- #2,636
Oliver12345
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A photon walks into a bar and ask if they have a room to rent, the bartender says "yeah sure would you like a hand with your bags?" The photon replies "it's okay I'm traveling light!"
- #2,637
nuuskur
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A man asks a woman on the street: Hey there, lady, where do you come from?
She replies: From the beauty salon.
To which the man replies: Oh, was it closed?
She replies: From the beauty salon.
To which the man replies: Oh, was it closed?
- #2,638
LameJokesDaily
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What kind of bees make milk?
boobies
So Bert goes up to Ernie and says, "want some ice cream?" Ernie replies, "Sherbert."
What does a gay horse eat?
Haaaaaaay
What do three gay horses eat?
Hay Hay Haaay
And what do lesbian horses eat?"
(in a really deep voice) hay.
"What did you eat under there?" "Under where?" "YOU ATE UNDERWEAR?!"
A book just fell on my head.
I've only got myshelf to blame.
"Did you hear about the circus fire? It was intense."
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.
What goes "Ooo"?
A cow with no lips.
Two cows are passing their day in the pasture when one cow says to the other, "are you afraid of getting this mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "why the hell would I care? I'm a helicopter."
two cannibals eating a clown, one turns to the other and asks, 'does this taste funny to you?'
Two irishmen walk out of a bar.
Sure, it could happen...
Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?
Fo' drizzle.
What's the difference between a robber and a peeping tom?
A robber snatches your watch...
Wanna hear a dirty joke?
A man fell in a puddle.
Wanna hear a clean joke?
A man had a bath with bubbles.
Wanna hear a dirty joke?
Bubbles is a man.
What's red and invisible?
No tomatoes.
more of these at http://lamejokesdaily.com
boobies
So Bert goes up to Ernie and says, "want some ice cream?" Ernie replies, "Sherbert."
What does a gay horse eat?
Haaaaaaay
What do three gay horses eat?
Hay Hay Haaay
And what do lesbian horses eat?"
(in a really deep voice) hay.
"What did you eat under there?" "Under where?" "YOU ATE UNDERWEAR?!"
A book just fell on my head.
I've only got myshelf to blame.
"Did you hear about the circus fire? It was intense."
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.
What goes "Ooo"?
A cow with no lips.
Two cows are passing their day in the pasture when one cow says to the other, "are you afraid of getting this mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "why the hell would I care? I'm a helicopter."
two cannibals eating a clown, one turns to the other and asks, 'does this taste funny to you?'
Two irishmen walk out of a bar.
Sure, it could happen...
Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?
Fo' drizzle.
What's the difference between a robber and a peeping tom?
A robber snatches your watch...
Wanna hear a dirty joke?
A man fell in a puddle.
Wanna hear a clean joke?
A man had a bath with bubbles.
Wanna hear a dirty joke?
Bubbles is a man.
What's red and invisible?
No tomatoes.
more of these at http://lamejokesdaily.com
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- #2,639
LameJokesDaily
- 2
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Don't trust atoms.. They make up everything.
- #2,640
edward
- 62
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A man started to notice that every time he passed gas it went "Honda". This went on for over a month and every time there was a "Honda" sound.
He went from doctor to doctor trying to find out what was wrong. Eventually a doctor referred him to an old school Asian doctor. The new doctor told the man: "You have abscess in mouth need pull tooth".
The man said to the doctor; "So I need to go to a dentist". The doctor said no I pull tooth now. A few weeks went by and the man noticed that when he passed gas it no longer went; "Honda".
Perplexed he went back to the Asian doctor and asked how pulling the tooth could have possibly cured his unusual problem. The doctor paused for a moment and said ; "Abscess make the fart go Honda" ..... <(@^@)>
He went from doctor to doctor trying to find out what was wrong. Eventually a doctor referred him to an old school Asian doctor. The new doctor told the man: "You have abscess in mouth need pull tooth".
The man said to the doctor; "So I need to go to a dentist". The doctor said no I pull tooth now. A few weeks went by and the man noticed that when he passed gas it no longer went; "Honda".
Perplexed he went back to the Asian doctor and asked how pulling the tooth could have possibly cured his unusual problem. The doctor paused for a moment and said ; "Abscess make the fart go Honda" ..... <(@^@)>
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- #2,641
Enigman
- 640
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Two wrongs don't make a Right but Three Rights Do Make a Left .
- #2,642
Psinter
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Look! He's escaping like the adult he is!
- #2,643
jtbell
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Today's weather tip:
If it's raining cats and dogs, be careful not to step in a poodle.
If it's raining cats and dogs, be careful not to step in a poodle.
- #2,644
Borg
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Must be a poodle day. I got this in my inbox this morning - Poodle Attack.jtbell said:
- #2,645
Psinter
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They say: "You are what you eat."
I must be a boiled chicken then... and rice.
I must be a boiled chicken then... and rice.
- #2,646
Borg
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Did you hear about the redneck who was racing with a pop-up camper?
They called him Trailer Swift.
- #2,647
dkotschessaa
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Lameness warning: You may die from the lameness of this joke that I made up while walking the dog yesterday...
Did you that they built a campground they built next to the marine wildlife sanctuary? They had to make separate areas, for all in tents and porpoises.
::bows:
-Dave K
Did you that they built a campground they built next to the marine wildlife sanctuary? They had to make separate areas, for all in tents and porpoises.
::bows:
-Dave K
- #2,648
dkotschessaa
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Should have known it sort of existed... http://www.theoceanadventure.com/kids page/Jokes-Whale.html
::cries::
::cries::
- #2,649
AMenendez
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Girl, are you sin(x)? Well, I'm cos(x); why don't you get on top of me so that we can make tan(x)? ;)
- #2,650
Psinter
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I realized I shouldn't be racist. That's why I equally hate everyone in the world. *grumpy* 
- #2,651
nuuskur
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that's an interesting solutionPsinter said:I realized I shouldn't be racist. That's why I equally hate everyone in the world. *grumpy*
- #2,652
Enigman
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Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.
- #2,653
jtbell
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- #2,654
Ibix
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What's the difference between a coyote and a flea?
One howls on the prarie; the other prowls on the hairy.
One howls on the prarie; the other prowls on the hairy.
- #2,655
Psinter
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Just heard a woman say: "He made such intense eye contact... I love that man."
Which of course made me think of...
Eye Contact
duh
EDIT: To complete the combo, here is some more...
Which of course made me think of...
Eye Contact
duh
iContact
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- #2,656
Psinter
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【Shakespeare】
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- #2,657
Psinter
- 278
- 787
Two lame jokes:
- Rights were violated? Thank goodness I'm a lefty.
- I'm not gay, but my boyfriend is.
- #2,658
DaveC426913
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This isn't very funny; lots of girls have this prob- ohhhhhhhhhhIgetit.Psinter said:
- #2,659
OmCheeto
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- #2,660
Ibix
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From my son's book:
Why can't pirates play cards?
Why can't pirates play cards?
They're sitting on the deck.