Collection of Lame Jokes

[Psinter]

Hahahaha! I so remember this from the other day. Various radio stations have been copying it. Glad you could find the original and share it.

 

[jtbell]

 

[OmCheeto]

https://scontent-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc1/t1.0-9/1002028_460069430782116_1016006956_n.jpg​

 

[strangerep]

Ships in bottles are made by retired gynecologists.

Oh yuk. You just made me wonder what retired proctologists do... (?)

 

[drizzle]

http://cdn.themetapicture.com/media/funny-sign-closed-short-staff.jpg

 

[drizzle]

I kind of think it's so cute.

 

[jmneutr0nn3]

What did one fish say to the other? If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.

 

[2sin54]

What lights up a football stadium?
A football match.

 

[Nick O]

 

[Adjoint]

http://www.gagful.com/uploads/2011_11/1320688553_Batman_is_too_busy_with_the_World_Cup_gag.jpg

 

[Adjoint]

What did one fish say to the other? If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.

And what did the fish say when it hit the wall?
Dam!

 

[jmneutr0nn3]

And what did the fish say when it hit the wall?
Dam!

LoL. Here's another lame joke about anteaters:

Why don't anteaters get sick? Because they're full of anty-bodies.

 

[johnqwertyful]

How many combinations of "u" Pokemon are there from a set of "i" Pokemon?

 

[collinsmark]

LoL. Here's another lame joke about anteaters:

Why don't anteaters get sick? Because they're full of anty-bodies.

 

[jmneutr0nn3]

Finally, you thought that this joke was funny. Was it really?
Another one:
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!

 

[TheDemx27]

Two drums and a cymbal fall off a truck. Badum TSSS

 

[dkotschessaa]

What's Bruce Lee's favorite drink?

Spoiler

Wataaaaaah!

 

[davenn]

Today's Jokes

A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
"We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied.
"She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50...and I get $43 back from Medicare..

-------------------------------------

There is a real shortage of ammunition at the moment in the UK but this morning I lucked in and managed to find a local Gun Shops where I was able to buy several cases of ammo. On the way home I stopped at the petrol (gas) station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde was filling up her car at the next pump. She looked at the ammo in the back of my Land Rover and said in a very sexy voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, Big Guy...Would you be interested in trading sex for ammo?" So, I thought about it for a few seconds and then I asked, "What kinda ammo you got?"


cheers
Dave

 

[jmneutr0nn3]

What's Bruce Lee's favorite drink?

Spoiler

Wataaaaaah!

Wasn't that his favorite verbal expression before and during fight? I notice that in some of his films.

 

[jimmywhite]

Black and white on 16 wheels. What's this?

This zebra on roller skates.

 

[Bandersnatch]

What's small, red and knocks on the window?

A baby in the oven.

 

[jmneutr0nn3]

A lame joke about octopus: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten- Tickles!

 

[Nick O]

Back in Calculus 1, someone asked the professor what his favorite math joke was. He said, "Let epsilon be less than zero."

 

[dkotschessaa]

Back in Calculus 1, someone asked the professor what his favorite math joke was. He said, "Let epsilon be less than zero."

After two semesters of analysis, reading this hurts my brain!

 

[Ibix]

I've been cleaning up my inbox. This one isn't really topical anymore, but during the whole "CERN results suggest neutrinos may be superluminal" thing, I got the following email exchange:

Friend 1: The barman says "Get out! We respect the laws of causality in here!" Then a neutrino walks into the bar.
Friend 2: Friend 1, have you thought of making a joke about the superluminal neutrinos?
Friend 1: I feel like making up a joke. Does anyone have any ideas?

 

[jmneutr0nn3]

Another lame joke to share: What do prisoners use to call each other? Cellphones!

 

[256bits]

Nothing like a good super sex joke.
What? You will have the soup!

 

[MostlyHarmless]

What if, the last line, of the last book of Harry Potter was, "And then Harry woke up, in the cupboard under the stairs."

 

[jmneutr0nn3]

Why don't you ever shower with a Pokemon? -Because it will Pikachu! (Peek At You)

 

[Nick O]

How many combinations of "u" Pokemon are there from a set of "i" Pokemon?

I like this one.

 

[Borek]

One of Polish publishing houses specializing in linguistics offers "Klingon for beginners" with "recordings by native speakers".

 

[jmneutr0nn3]

What did one fish say to the other? If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.

 

[dkotschessaa]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/t1.0-9/10462800_573460759424893_7457467475562386534_n.jpg

 

[jmneutr0nn3]

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him ... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Wow... did Gandhi really suffered from halitosis and calluses on his feet in real life?

Another lame joke to add:
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
“No thanks, I’m traveling light.”

 

[WWGD]

Changing my diet has helped me become regular; I now evacuate at 7a.m every day. Unfortunately, I wake up at 8 .