- #2,836
dkotschessaa
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Two supercomputers?
That's cray cray!
That's cray cray!
Collection of Lame Jokes
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In summary: It's a humor that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness. It's not for everyone.Not a fan of surrealism, I take it?In summary, surrealism is an art form that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness, often producing incongruous imagery or effects. It may not be appreciated by everyone, but for those who do, it can be quite humorous.
- #2,837
Ibix
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A man walks into a bar with a crocodile on a leash. "Do you serve foreigners here?" he asks the bartender.Kevin McHugh said:NoTwo eggs and a piece of toast walk into a bar and the toast says"I'd like to buy my two friends a drink." The bartender says "I'm sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."
"Er... yes, sir. Er... equalities legislation, you know..."
"Good. A pint for me and a foreigner for my crocodile here."
- #2,838
Psinter
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I want to know what is the secret of Victoria.
- #2,839
Pepper Mint
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You mean the womenswear https://www.victoriassecret.com/ in New York ?Psinter said:
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- #2,840
Psinter
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You know it!Pepper Mint said:You mean the womenswear https://www.victoriassecret.com/ in New York ?
I like your cubone. ♥
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- #2,841
davenn
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OK you lot, you asked for it ! ... don't say you weren't warned
https://scontent-syd1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13139095_1446125402080705_7136497526394434_n.jpg?oh=9be067ed4a09ff488da207d54b00eca0&oe=57A318F2D
https://scontent-syd1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13139095_1446125402080705_7136497526394434_n.jpg?oh=9be067ed4a09ff488da207d54b00eca0&oe=57A318F2D
- #2,842
Borg
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Not everyone has the bread for a suitcase like that.davenn said:OK you lot, you asked for it ! ... don't say you weren't warned
https://scontent-syd1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13139095_1446125402080705_7136497526394434_n.jpg?oh=9be067ed4a09ff488da207d54b00eca0&oe=57A318F2D
- #2,843
davenn
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hahaha good response
- #2,844
jtbell
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- #2,845
davenn
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ohhh dear ...
https://scontent-lax3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13179180_804522663012518_1816825525115751260_n.jpg?oh=fe58ba6187b75c57707b125629715554&oe=57E60C34
https://scontent-lax3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13179180_804522663012518_1816825525115751260_n.jpg?oh=fe58ba6187b75c57707b125629715554&oe=57E60C34
- #2,846
mfb
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He is so versatile!
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
- #2,847
ProfuselyQuarky
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lol! I need that on a t-shirt!davenn said:
- #2,848
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davenn said:
Laughing gas doesn't exist.
There is nothing between N to O.
- #2,849
mfb
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NO, no laughing gas for you, because nitric oxide is poisonous.
- #2,850
davenn
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sorta lame one liners ...
1.) Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2.) A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve You, but don't start anything."
3.) Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4.) A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5.) A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
6.) Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
7.) "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."
8.) An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
9.) Déjà Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
10.) I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
11.) A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't sir, I've cut off your arms!"
12.) I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
13.) Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says Dam!"
14.) Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
15.) A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
16.) A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain, and they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
17.) Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
18.) There was once a man who sent ten puns to the Pun Master, with the hope that they would satisfy him. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
1.) Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2.) A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve You, but don't start anything."
3.) Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4.) A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5.) A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
6.) Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
7.) "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."
8.) An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
9.) Déjà Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
10.) I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
11.) A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't sir, I've cut off your arms!"
12.) I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
13.) Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says Dam!"
14.) Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
15.) A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
16.) A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain, and they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
17.) Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
18.) There was once a man who sent ten puns to the Pun Master, with the hope that they would satisfy him. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
- #2,851
Pepper Mint
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I like this one most, it's more than being lame actually.
- #2,852
DrGreg
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Don't bother telling a pun to a kleptomaniac. Kleptomaniacs take things literally.davenn said:
- #2,853
Pepper Mint
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DrGreg said:
Hilarious!- #2,854
jtbell
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A baseball umpire once got into a huge argument with a player and ejected him from the game. That player happened to be his son's favorite... and his son had been watching the game on TV. So when the umpire got home, his son snubbed him and refused to sit on his lap like he usually did. In other words:
The son never sits on the brutish umpire.
The son never sits on the brutish umpire.
- #2,855
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Q: The most favorite song of all golfers?
A: The first cut is the deepest.
... or was it boxer ...
A: The first cut is the deepest.
... or was it boxer ...
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- #2,856
256bits
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has this one been done?
Seasoned lumberjack walks into the lumberjack store and says to the salesman, "
At my age I need something better than my axe to chop trees. I can now do only 2 cords of wood by swinging my axe. I need something better for my tired bones."
Salesman eyes him up. "You look like pretty strong fellow. With this model," showing him a 20-inch chain saw, " you are certainly to do double that - 4 cords a day and you will be home for supper. Every single client swears by it."
Some more discussion, and the impressed lumberjack buys the chainsaw.
Three days later, the lumberjack marches into the store in a rage. "You sold me a piece of junk! 1-1/2 cords is all I could get."
The salesman is perplexed. "If it is a faulty model, I can give you your money back, or exchange. Let me see the machine."
Having the chainsaw, the salesman pulls the cord, and it comes to life.
The lumberjack exclaims. "What's that noise?"
Seasoned lumberjack walks into the lumberjack store and says to the salesman, "
At my age I need something better than my axe to chop trees. I can now do only 2 cords of wood by swinging my axe. I need something better for my tired bones."
Salesman eyes him up. "You look like pretty strong fellow. With this model," showing him a 20-inch chain saw, " you are certainly to do double that - 4 cords a day and you will be home for supper. Every single client swears by it."
Some more discussion, and the impressed lumberjack buys the chainsaw.
Three days later, the lumberjack marches into the store in a rage. "You sold me a piece of junk! 1-1/2 cords is all I could get."
The salesman is perplexed. "If it is a faulty model, I can give you your money back, or exchange. Let me see the machine."
Having the chainsaw, the salesman pulls the cord, and it comes to life.
The lumberjack exclaims. "What's that noise?"
- #2,857
jtbell
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Mother: So what did you all do in Sunday school today?
Little girl: We learned about God and Cheez-Its.
Little girl: We learned about God and Cheez-Its.
- #2,858
davenn
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ohhh dear ...
https://scontent-syd1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13226939_10154085000681291_6582447191622101317_n.jpg?oh=707e8490950aa97564763d9bf729034c&oe=57C7F51B
https://scontent-syd1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13226939_10154085000681291_6582447191622101317_n.jpg?oh=707e8490950aa97564763d9bf729034c&oe=57C7F51B
- #2,859
jtbell
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Q: Why is the mycology course the most popular elective in the biology department?
A: The professor who teaches it is a real fun guy.
A: The professor who teaches it is a real fun guy.
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And I thought it was because the course takes place in the magic mushroom.jtbell said:
- #2,861
davenn
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jtbell said:
hahahaha ( I had to google mycology
)- #2,862
Ibix
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Why did the toadstool feel squashed?
There wasn't mushroom
There wasn't mushroom
- #2,863
Pepper Mint
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I watched a TV show last night and burst into laugh when the comedian said "Never sit on your own stool".
- #2,864
Pepper Mint
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davenn said:
Oh uhm...yeah.
- #2,865
KaleLetendre
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Andy said:
Andy...chill
- #2,866
KaleLetendre
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What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
Bison [emoji23][emoji106][emoji23][emoji106][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]
Bison [emoji23][emoji106][emoji23][emoji106][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]
- #2,867
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Q: Why are mathematicians bad politicians?
A: They keep to get stuck after the division in "divide and conquer".
A: They keep to get stuck after the division in "divide and conquer".
- #2,868
Ibix
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Why does nobody laugh at cow jokes?
They've herd them all before.
They've herd them all before.
- #2,869
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Come out, joke! You're closed in!Ibix said:
No, said the joke, I'm in the majority!
- #2,870
256bits
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Bazooka Joe bubblegum - the gum was lame and the jokes were lame.
Remember this one
Bazooka Joe - Andy. Why is you nose all red?
Andy - I got stung smelling a b-rose.
Bazooka Joe - Andy. There is no "b" in rose.
Andy - There was in this one.
Remember this one
Bazooka Joe - Andy. Why is you nose all red?
Andy - I got stung smelling a b-rose.
Bazooka Joe - Andy. There is no "b" in rose.
Andy - There was in this one.