What do girls/women look for in men?

[PrudensOptimus]

I think there is a fundamental difference between girls and women. And therefore they look for different things in men.


Give me your thoughts(especially if you are female):



What do girls/women look for in men?

Does a man's personal achievement/career goals mean anything to a girl? To a woman?

 

[Moonbear]

I'm going to assume that by "girl" you mean teenagers (just to clarify some sort of age range). Yes, maturity changes what one looks for in the opposite sex (I think the same is true for teen boys vs adult men). Teenage girls pretty much are just looking at who is "cute." Once one reaches adulthood and matures more (not really a magic switch that happens at 18, but something gradual and at different ages for different people), a man's achievements, intelligence, goals, worth ethic become more important. Though, again that depends on the individual. Some women will always put appearances ahead of all other traits, and some will always put intelligence or work ethic ahead of all other traits.

 

[Evo]

I agree, most teenage girls are looking for a "cute" guy. Of course, who is "cute" differs greatly from one girl to another. I also looked for "smart" guys, and if he read a lot of science fiction, that was an added bonus.

 

[JasonRox]

I think Evo and Moonbear summed it up just right.

 

[hypatia]

I{woman}always look for a good sense of humor first. Then I look at how he treats other people, and how others treat him. Then I look at how he spends his free time.
I was lucky to meet someone who got A+ in all of those...so I married him!
So for me, career means very little, but when I was 20 it was a whole different story.

 

[Astronuc]

How about . . . .

trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly,
courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful,
thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent.

 

[Moonbear]

How about . . . .

trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly,
courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful,
thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent.

Sounds like you're describing a dog.

I also agree with Hypatia that sense of humor is important, but I also think that ties in with intelligence (in the broad sense of the term, not necessarily in an IQ-constrained definition)...you're more likely to "get" or appreciate someone's sense of humor if you're compatible at an intellectual level.

 

[theCandyman]

Wow, you remembered all of the law in order as well. Unfortunatly, the girls seemed to think less of me and my friends while we were in Boy Scouts.

 

[Astronuc]

Sounds like you're describing a dog.

I also agree with Hypatia that sense of humor is important, but I also think that ties in with intelligence (in the broad sense of the term, not necessarily in an IQ-constrained definition)...you're more likely to "get" or appreciate someone's sense of humor if you're compatible at an intellectual level.

Actually theCandyman recognized it, the twelve attributes of the Scout Law - it describes that to which a Boy Scout should aspire.

Those are also good qualities for a husband as well as a dog.

 

[DaveC426913]

How about a man who knows what he wants?

That's the number one I've most often heard women look for.

 

[Astronuc]

Wow, you remembered all of the law in order as well. Unfortunatly, the girls seemed to think less of me and my friends while we were in Boy Scouts.

When I was in scouts, I met some very nice girl scouts.

Our scout troop was somewhat atypical. Our scout leaders used to bring 6-packs of beer on camping trips, and I and a few other older scouts (15+) would join the leadership meeting and drink beer.

 

[rhuthwaite]

I look for a man whos got a sense of humour, is intellegent and hard working (sometimes hard to find), some one who actually will go out of his way once in a while (I don't want to always make the sacrifice), someone I can have a great time with. I do think past achievements count for something.

 

[Astronuc]

I think there is a fundamental difference between girls and women. And therefore they look for different things in men.

Boys look for different things than men. There is a difference between young and old - it's called experience. People pass through stages, and perhaps the most difficult stage is the one between adolescencs and adulthood. Some make the transition quickly, some take a long time, and some never make it.

As for what a woman wants, that depends on the woman. Each person has different wants and needs, based on different initial conditions and different histories.

My wife gave me a birthday card recently which has the following:

I love your strength,
for you are the wind to my sails.

I love your dependability,
for being there without fail.

I love your integrity
for the honorable path you take.

I love your free spirit
for the adventure of life you make.

I love your courage,
for you bring out the braver side of me.

I love you,
for everything you are
means the world to me.


I signed on for a lifetime with this woman.

It means being there through thick and thin,
in sickness and in health, for rich or poor,
for better or for worse, till one of us ceases to be.

My job is to catch her if she falls, and better yet,
be there so she doesn't fall.

We had our ups and downs, but we stay together.

I care about her, and she cares about me.
She is my friend, and I hers.

 

[Artman]

I did not date much in High School. I was younger than my class and didn't really know many girls in the classes below mine. It always astounded me the jerks that girls dated the most in school. The thing the girls seemed to gravitate to was self confidence (otherwise I could not explain how some of the lumps with ears that played football could find dates).

IMHO, as intelligence becomes more of an asset (college, work force) the nerds gain confidence and women find them more attractive.

 

[mathwonk]

this reminds me of a phrase garrison keillor once used, "the myth of male attractiveness".

some women may look for a man who attracts them, especially young women, but just as often, a man can appeal to a woman by supporting her. I.e. a woman appreciates a person who helps her achieve her aspirations and dreams, as much as she falls over for a man who has achieved his.

have you seen sophia loren's husband of a lifetime, carla ponti? she said no to cary grant.

Anyone, no matter how plain, can be entertaining, supportive, and enabling to his partner, and intelligence is an asset here in trying to understand how to make ones partners life better and happier.

Even just paying judicious compliments, and refraining from unkind criticism, makes a man surprizingly attractive.

In the earlier, immature days, maybe seeming cute or exciting is key, but anyone clever can pretend to be exciting (did you see "true lies"?). It is hard to pretend to be nurturing.

It helps to like women, and to really care about your own partner, as people like being liked. [liking them is different from desiring them.]

An amusing film, that not everyone likes, is Don Juan de Marco, ostensibly about seduction, but the (old, fat, bald) Marlon Brando character shows late romantic growth by saying to his wife: "I want to know what your hopes and dreams are, that got pushed aside while i was thinking about myself." His astonished (and still beautiful) wife Faye Dunaway, responds "I thought you'd never ask!"what do you think of these thoughts, ladies?

 

[Artman]

Any nerd, no matter how plain, can be entertaining, supportive, and enabling to his partner, and intelligence is ana sset here in trying to understand how to make ones partners life better and happier.

I agree with this. But I found that most of the girls didn't mind being a friend/mother figure/lab partner, but not a date to this type (unless they were also in the nerd classification). So when their jock boyfriends used them and dumped them, they had someone to turn to. (Do I sound bitter?)

I actually found a great girl in high school who I later married and am still happily married to today (although Evo and I share a purely Platonic relationship that my wife would not in any way mind).

 

[Evo]

Also, geeks/nerds need to believe that when a woman tells them she finds them attractive, she's serious.

When I tell a guy I find him attractive, they answer that they've never considered themselves attractive, never had women find them atractive, therefore, I must be lying. AAARRRGGGHHH. I'm NOT other women.

I think David Deutsch is a hottie.

 

[mathwonk]

Evo hit an important note: your woman is not just another women. she wants to be noticed and appreciated for who she is.

and by the way evo, may we older dudes suggest you forget, at least temporarily, about the guy who can't be bothered with dating you because you live far away? you don't need that.

perhaps many of you are in the young dating stages of life. at those stages, many things go as learning experiences. Guys like me are talking about making life choices.Dating should just be fun, and harmless. Even if one seems invisible to women who fall for neanderthals, this will pass. I recall a geeky phi beta kappa in college who never dated. A few years later, as grad students, when he was a star, i enviously saw him walking with a gorgeous young woman who only had eyes for him. he even looked relatively stylish and certainly confident in her reflection.

 

[mathwonk]

by the way, for guys who lament that the airhead with the great figure chooses christian (him) over cyrano (you) [see roxanne, with steve martin], you may be better off not having her bear your offspring, as your kids would perhaps never get into the college of their choice [unless they are recruited by the coach].

 

[bkvitha]

courage, trust, compassion, brilliance
a good physique is considerable! lolx


btw evo, just a girl to another----we need someone who is THERE for us!
so do men/boys----they need their girl to be there fo them too---i think!

 

[Evo]

courage, trust, compassion, brilliance
a good physique is considerable! lolx


btw evo, just a girl to another----we need someone who is THERE for us!
so do men/boys----they need their girl to be there fo them too---i think!

What, you mean just physically? That is so shallow and lacking to me. I need someone emotionally and intellectually "there" for me, they can physically be on another planet. A loving relationship is 95% in the heart and mind, for me. I can find "anyone" to physically be with, that's not a loving, or emotionally satisfying relationship as far as I'm concerned.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Isn't the possibility of a great relationship worth the effort to develop it? Is nothing better than the possiblity that you may have met the right person, you're just going to have to take it a bit slower until the logistics are worked out? I don't get this "if i can't have it all now, I don't want it".

I find this exasperatingly common among men. Can someone explain this mentality? There is no hurdle I would be unwilling to overcome for the right person. What are the chances that your perfect match just happens to live within 20 miles of you? If that's true, my perfect match has 4 legs, hooves, horns and a tail.

I just finished a book about body language that cited studies that mainatained that communication is about 70% dependent on body language and paralanguage* over a mere 30% for the actual words people use.

*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paralanguage

If you can't actually be in someone's presence and see how they carry themselves, and hear how they express themselves in real-time, non-edited reality, you are lacking roughly 70% of the information you'd have about them in person.

We are attracted to people's personal "texture", the ambiance they create, more than anything else, and not being able to experience that in person means there is only a fragment of a relationship.

 

[mathwonk]

a friend of mine found the right woman, married her, and commuted from his job in rome, to nyc to see her, while she worked at her ny job. they have been together now 20+ years.

 

[zoobyshoe]

a friend of mine found the right woman, married her, and commuted from his job in rome, to nyc to see her, while she worked at her ny job. they have been together now 20+ years.

One still in Rome the other in NY?

 

[Evo]

I just finished a book about body language that cited studies that mainatained that communication is about 70% dependent on body language and paralanguage* over a mere 30% for the actual words people use.

That's where web cams come in. I find that people I meet in person are EXACTLY as I perceived them over the internet. When I met them in person, it felt like I'd been with them all my life. I guess some people are more perceptive than others.

 

[zoobyshoe]

That's where web cams come in. I find that people I meet in person are EXACTLY as I perceived them over the internet. When I met them in person, it felt like I'd been with them all my life. I guess some people are more perceptive than others.

I've never done this, but I think webcam conversations would convey body language and paralanguage better than any means other than being in the person's actual presence. It would be way more informative than talking on the phone. It could, indeed, happen that two people meet on the net, progress to telephone, then webcam, then meet and get married. It probably has happened.

However, I hope you can see that this might seem artificial to some people compared to the normal way of meeting them first in person and progressing to a relationship from there with the constant option of actually being able to get together with them in person to interact in a normal, non-technological setting. We're talking about a romance/love relationship here: there's just no substitute for actually being with the person.

 

[turbo]

We're talking about a romance/love relationship here: there's just no substitute for actually being with the person.

Right on the money. I might have been able to meet someone on-line (had the Internet been in service back when when I was programming with punch-cards ) but I doubt that I could have actually fallen in love with a person remotely, even with that fancy movin'-picture technology. In person, it's pretty easy to "read" a potential mate to see if they are truly attracted to you. If you say something nice to a woman, and she flushes slightly or if her pupils dilate a bit when you smile at her, or a million other little things, she's interested. In that case, don't sweat it - just be yourself, and she'll get comfortable and try to know you better. And ladies, most guys are interested in women who are interested in THEM. We're like dogs - you don't have to lavish attention on us to get our loyalty, just be nice. You don't have to look like a supermodel or a movie star to get a guy to like you - just pay some attention to him. If he has a special interest or hobby (riding motorcycles, astronomy, fly-fishing, playing blues guitar, gardening, and faceting gemstones are some of mine), show some interest. You might end up in a nice relationship, but if not, at least you will have another friend (can't have too many of them!) who could introduce you to a "keeper", and you might have fun in the meantime trying new things.

 

[mathwonk]

someone remarked they thought men more easily satisifed with beautiful but dull women. I think not. These men will soon drift from such one dimensional women.

And a dull person has less ability to appreciate intelliegence, so both may drift. There is nothing so attractive as intelligence, to an intelligent
person.

I mean real intelligence, not just brightness, often mixed with egotism. I include insight plus wisdom.

 

[mathwonk]

real intelligence includes modesty. even the great feynman was victimized by a modest government scientist, who fed him the scoop on the O - rings.

Feynman, sure of his own brilliance, took the bait, assuming all the while only he was bright enough to solve the mystery. In truth, only he was insulated enough from the bureaucracy, to be able to tell the truth that others knew very well.

so he became a pawn, the more easily because of his own arrogance.

people with a sound knowledge of human psychology can outwit even more brilliant persons by playing on their weaknesses.

who then is more intelligent?in yoga, one is taught to control ones desires. thus one tries to make it it harder to be controlled by them, or by others. such self knowledge is said to be an essential part of real intelliegnce.

 

[zoobyshoe]

who then is more intelligent?

Kramer from Seinfeld.

 

[mathwonk]

great example. a straightforward, no nonsense person with no hidden agenda, and a certain wacky honesty, forthcoming even about his own lies miscues and subterfuges. everyone pays him at least grudging respect, and he always gets the girl.

 

[Astronuc]

a friend of mine found the right woman, married her, and commuted from his job in rome, to nyc to see her, while she worked at her ny job. they have been together now 20+ years.

I have known couples who lived separately on opposite coasts. They kept their particular jobs and one or the other would commute on weekends. That's doable, but certainly not for everyone.

Seven years ago, I met a woman who lives about 4200 miles (7000 km) away. Had I been single at the time, I would have probably moved there to live. She and I have a close friendship, and in some ways, she is one of my best friends. We share many personal and professional interests, including love of languages, music and art.

If I was single now, and I found someone and it seemed like we were moving into a relationship that might lead to marriage, I'd definitely make every opportunity to see her in person, as much as possible, even if it meant flying periodically there, e.g. the mid-west, west coast, Europe, Australia/NZ. I put a lot of effort in relationships.

 

[Moonbear]

I have known couples who lived separately on opposite coasts. They kept their particular jobs and one or the other would commute on weekends. That's doable, but certainly not for everyone.

I've known people who have done that too, but usually while one was still in school and the other starting a job. Once they both were out of school, they moved back together again. It was a sacrifice they both made to be apart so that they could get their educations and build a better future together, and tolerable only because they knew it was temporary.

As for Artman and his bitterness about girls not noticing the nice, smart, non-jocks in high school, that works both ways too. I had very few dates in high school, and primarily from fellow "geeks." I wasn't very confident about myself in high school, and was a bit overweight (not fat, but enough that I didn't have the skinny body that my classmates with lots of dates had), and definitely out of shape (I did my best to avoid gym class). Things change. A guy I dated while I was in grad school used to joke that we'd probably have completely avoided each other, or even hated each other, had we met in high school.

 

[mathwonk]

i seldom or never had any dates in high school, and extremely few in college. some of us are just late bloomers. when i became a dater in grad school, and learned something abut women, i.e. that they are people and not strange beings from another planet, I realized that as far back as high school, girls had been trying to get me to invite them out, but i was too obtuse to notice, or too frightened and insecure to believe it.

i waS WORRIED ABOUT WHAT THEY THOUGHT OF ME. news flash: people do not spend much of their time thinking about you - they are mostly thinking about themselves.

so what? life is long. all things come to him who waits, if he does not die first.

i am incredibly glad i had not met anyone by the time i did meet my wife, as she is perfect for me. more than i deserve. we have been married now 34 years.one suggestion: once you find HER, try not to let her get away.

 

[mathwonk]

veritablement.

as you say, youngsters may be unable to benefit from oldsters advice.

but if someone out there is wise, i remark that my only regret in social experiences is that I could have been kinder and more thoughtful of the people I met.