What do girls/women look for in men?

[twisting_edge]

this may be hard for young kids to understand and act on, but in my limited experience, almost all social interactions are initiated by women. all a man has to do is notice which women are interested in him and respond to them.

I used to marvel at the insecure guys who were so convinced that they could not get a date, that they ignored the obvious signs from attractive women who were trying to get them to notice them.

But notice the woman uses only "obvious signs". Almost never does she she take any sort of direct action. Why? I am convinced it is fear of rejection. They maintain plausible deniability at all times, since nothing they do is overt.

Moreover, a lot of them (esp. younger ones) like to play games. They display all those "obvious signs" just to see if they can get a response, then shut the guy down. Older women are not the least bit immune to that sort of behavior, although it is admittedly a little less common with them.

Now, tell all the guys once again just how "obvious" those "obvious signs" are, when in a significant number of cases the signs are utterly false. In fact, it is when the signs are clearest that they are most likely to be false.

If you don't think there's a lot of women like that out there, you're not very observant. Believe it or not, those women go to a great deal of effort to look and act just like all the others. They do not wear placards identifying their intent.

Here's another question for the women: is there even a single one of you who can honestly claim to have never once done that in your entire life?

 

[Astronuc]

Moreover, a lot of them (esp. younger ones) like to play games.

That applies to young people in general, although there are of course exceptions. My siblings and I were taught to be straightforward about matters - i.e. no games. My brother met a girl in high school and they got married during their sophomore year. My sister was pretty serious, and she didn't play games. I had to wait a few years for the right woman to come along, and although I did date, for me it was a matter of learning about the woman whom I was dating, since for me I was looking for a companion who might eventually be a wife.

this may be hard for young kids to understand and act on, but in my limited experience, almost all social interactions are initiated by women. all a man has to do is notice which women are interested in him and respond to them.

I used to marvel at the insecure guys who were so convinced that they could not get a date, that they ignored the obvious signs from attractive women who were trying to get them to notice them.

I observed as much when I was at university. Since I wasn't looking, a lot of female friends and acquaintances used to tell me above the love lives and the problems therewith. It was amazing. There were a lot of misperceptions on part of the men they dated or were interested in, but there were also misperceptions on part of the women (young ladies). The games and maneuvering were enough to wait patiently for the 'right' woman to come along - one who would be direct and straightforward with me and not play games (in contrast to twisting_edge's theory, which is ostensibly based on experience). And she eventually came along.

Actually I have found quite a few women who are no-nonsense and straightforward, but then it's perhaps a matter of age and maturity.

 

[JasonRox]

But notice the woman uses only "obvious signs". Almost never does she she take any sort of direct action. Why? I am convinced it is fear of rejection. They maintain plausible deniability at all times, since nothing they do is overt.

Why should they do everything?

THe woman of the world already do enough. If you need them to be more obvious, I doubt they'll be interested after that.

 

[Pyrrhus]

Why should they do everything?

THe woman of the world already do enough.

What do you mean Jason?

 

[JasonRox]

What do you mean Jason?

They are already obvious and in some cases take direct action, in term of obvious signs.

Why do guys want more than that? If a girl has to hold your hand through the relationship because the guy is too weak and fearsome of rejection, the relationship will never happen or the girl will fall for a guy who has some "balls".

I meet girls with boyfriends and half of the time they would leave/cheat on their boyfriend so they can have another guy. Why? The boyfriend lacks so many qualities and usually it's because they have no "balls".

I honestly believe that if I were single, and I wanted action, a girl that is taken is probably my easiest bet. It's sad.

Of course, the nice guy wins in the end. He gets the girl for the relationship, but then again, other guys get her when you're not around. Is that the kind of relationship you want?

You can be naive about it, but it seems to be truth, so there is no denying it. If you're in a relationship and you're the super nice guy, just wait until the wrong (or right guy) bumps into your girlfriend. You're screwed after that.

Have "balls" and confidence. That's the conclusion.

Note: I don't mean be a jerk or a little bit of a jerk. What I mean is don't be afraid to take the initiative to do something or say something. Guys think it's not nice to say... (nice guy) "You're hot! It really brings out the cleavage.", but in reality girls love it. It shows a sense of sexuality that a lot of girls want. Of course don't say comments like that to any girl. You have to learn through practice and COMMUNICATION when it's appropriate and when it's not. This is the nice guy syndrome. Too afraid to be sexual because apparently that's inapprioprate and not nice.

Note: In the end, their "obvious signs" are obvious, so I don't see where twisting_edge is getting all this.

 

[DaveC426913]

this may be hard for young kids to understand and act on, but in my limited experience, almost all social interactions are initiated by women. all a man has to do is notice which women are interested in him and respond to them.

Since time eternal, women have always "chased men until the men caught them".

 

[Evo]

Here's another question for the women: is there even a single one of you who can honestly claim to have never once done that in your entire life?

I have NEVER done that. NEVER.

You've really met a lot of rotten women.

I'm not a rotten woman.

Buy me a ruxpin.

 

[mathwonk]

mr. edge, your post reveals the fear of being (dis)liked by women that makes it hard to get dates. perhaps you are chasing the flashy, superficial types, and ignoring the real women who appreciate you.

 

[Moonbear]

Here's another question for the women: is there even a single one of you who can honestly claim to have never once done that in your entire life?

I have NEVER done anything like that. Why are there some men who seek to characterize all women as lying, conniving, dishonest people? Catching someone's attention is only the first step, keeping their interest once you start talking to them is the next. If you have a really negative attitude about women, they're going to lose interest really quickly once you start talking to them, even if they thought you were very cute across the bar.

this may be hard for young kids to understand and act on, but in my limited experience, almost all social interactions are initiated by women. all a man has to do is notice which women are interested in him and respond to them.

I think it comes down to finding the cases of mutual attraction. Both sexes send signals of interest, and either can act on it. There's also room for misinterpreting signals on both sides...did s/he just wink at you, or at the person standing behind you, or is their contact lens just irritating their eye?

The biggest hindrance is fear of rejection. Once you realize that there's nothing to fear, that nobody tatoos your forehead with "REJECTED" every time you get turned down, there's no harm in just asking. Honest, I've never known anyone who wasn't at least a little flattered by someone expressing interest in them, even if they weren't available, looking, or interested back. And, sometimes, even if someone isn't interested in you for dating/romantically, by striking up a conversation, you still might wind up being good friends. And if they aren't at all interested, what have you lost? If anything, you at least know you didn't let a good opportunity slip past you, and you'll continue living your life just like you did before you asked...without ever talking to them again.

The only time I'd advise extreme caution and not just asking directly if you aren't really sure the other person is interested back is in the workplace. Relationships at work are tricky from the start, but they do happen. It's just that you can't avoid working with that person if things turn out awkward or you break up later, etc.

 

[Astronuc]

. . . and ignoring the real women who appreciate you.

Allow me to rephrase, and being somewhat uncertain about THE woman who does really appreciate you.

Apparently, she can be very intimidating. However, trust me, she is really cool.

 

[Astronuc]

That's awesome

You realize that now you have to "get back" at her

Jason should have told the woman in question that he is a male stripper, and invited her to a club.

 

[Math Is Hard]

I think it comes down to finding the cases of mutual attraction. Both sexes send signals of interest, and either can act on it. There's also room for misinterpreting signals on both sides...did s/he just wink at you, or at the person standing behind you, or is their contact lens just irritating their eye?

Thanks for saying that, MB. There's been quite a few times in my life when I thought I was just being friendly to a guy and then found out later he had interpreted it as some kind of signal. There's a guy who works in my building and when I used to see him in the elevator we would say hello, make small talk. One day I was getting some lunch at a local joint and we were in line together and he suggested we sit together for lunch. So we did and it was pleasant. No big deal.
A few months later I was having dinner with someone who works in his office and she mentioned the guy and said, "Oh, you know he thinks you have the hots for him. He says he can just tell".
WHAAAAA?!?
That just really ticked me off. I have been frosty to him ever since. I want to make sure I am very clear with my "signals".

 

[mathwonk]

it was perhaps rude of me to pick on someone else. let me tell a story of my own.

i was on a plane with to an unpleasant seeming woman, who perhaps did not wish to hear my complaints of my bad day. then a young man sat between us and began to ask me about myself. i thought he was charming and enjoyed our conversation greatly.

then he turned to the woman and struck up a delightful conversation with her. she was clearly intelligent and interesting, but i hadn't noticed.

after he got off we continued to chat, enjoying each other very much.

we create our own world, and people respond to us like chameleons, with a reflection of what we ourselves bring to the situation.

 

[Evo]

Thanks for saying that, MB. There's been quite a few times in my life when I thought I was just being friendly to a guy and then found out later he had interpreted it as some kind of signal. There's a guy who works in my building and when I used to see him in the elevator we would say hello, make small talk. One day I was getting some lunch at a local joint and we were in line together and he suggested we sit together for lunch. So we did and it was pleasant. No big deal.
A few months later I was having dinner with someone who works in his office and she mentioned the guy and said, "Oh, you know he thinks you have the hots for him. He says he can just tell".
WHAAAAA?!?
That just really ticked me off. I have been frosty to him ever since. I want to make sure I am very clear with my "signals".

That's because you're hot. Men like to imagine that attractive women want them. If you happen to accidently glance in their direction, you're flirting with them.

 

[mathwonk]

math is hard, i do not think the guy you mention misinterpreted your intentions. If he really thought you were expressing interest in him, he would have just asked you out, instead of bragging to someone that you were attracted to him. there may be hope for him, but his behavior there was very immature.

i am reminded of a woman i worked with as a youngster who confided that her date had accused her of being a prude. With a very unprudelike look, she said if that was what he thought, then that was indeed the impression he would get from her from then on.

people who really like women just go after them or hang out with them. insecure people talk to their friends about what it would be like to have women like them.

 

[Ronnin]

That's because you're hot. Men like to imagine that attractive women want them. If you happen to accidently glance in their direction, you're flirting with them.

I had to explain this to one of the women in my class just the other day. She had recently just become available due via divorce. She said men all over the place keep trying to ask her out. She is just one of these naturally flirtatious people who laughs at all the jokes and does the touchy feely thing. I explained to her that most men will take ANY, no matter how slight, indication of interest to act. It isn't our fault we are simply playing the odds that one of the many attempts may pan out. I'm a shy guy and had to have a woman all but ask me out to get me to take that chance versus possible rejection. So ladies, please take pitty on us poor males, be friendly but if your not interested please find a way to make that clear up front or else just assume your eventually going to have some kind of pickup work done on you.

 

[Math Is Hard]

That's because you're hot. Men like to imagine that attractive women want them. If you happen to accidently glance in their direction, you're flirting with them.

ha ha I wish. I think it is because he is an actor, and just a weensy bit conceited. L.A. guys! Sheess!

 

[radou]

Male-female relations are basically an extremely simple thing. But people tend to make it extremely complicated. Who doesn't, deserves deep admiration.

 

[Astronuc]

Thanks for saying that, MB. There's been quite a few times in my life when I thought I was just being friendly to a guy and then found out later he had interpreted it as some kind of signal. There's a guy who works in my building and when I used to see him in the elevator we would say hello, make small talk. One day I was getting some lunch at a local joint and we were in line together and he suggested we sit together for lunch. So we did and it was pleasant. No big deal.
A few months later I was having dinner with someone who works in his office and she mentioned the guy and said, "Oh, you know he thinks you have the hots for him. He says he can just tell".
WHAAAAA?!?
That just really ticked me off. I have been frosty to him ever since. I want to make sure I am very clear with my "signals".

. . . , and just a weensy bit conceited.

I was going to mention that. Certainly there are those men who are conceited (same goes for some women). Clearly someone who walks around telling people, "I know he/she (i.e. person of opposite gender, or maybe same in some cases) has the hots for me", is definitely conceited.

At the same time, there are guys and women who have been waiting for someone to pay attention to them, and they may over-react (to varying degree).

People are complex and come with all sorts of histories (aka baggage, issues, histories, . . . ) and it takes time to learn about someone.

A basic question is "How does one tell if someone's attention is friendly/cordial as opposed to being more serious, as is in "I really want to get to know you." It isn't easy.

 

[Math Is Hard]

I don't think other women are like this but this is the type of behavior I exhibit when I am attracted to someone. Imagine if you will..

The guy I have a crush on enters the elevator. We are alone. I can't look him in the eye because I am overcome with shyness. Almost paralyzed. We ride in silence to the 6th floor, his stop. Just as he starts to exit, I mutter something in an attempt to make conversation and it comes out like, "shirt...nice" and then, waving goodbye to him, I clumsily spill most of my latte on myself. Then the doors close and I realize complimenting the shirt was rather stupid because he's the UPS guy, and oh, DAMMIT!

 

[arildno]

Male-female relations are basically an extremely simple thing. But people tend to make it extremely complicated.Who doesn't, deserves deep admiration.

Thank you!

 

[matthew baird]

Hmm this is a very interesting conversation. I have had so many comments come into my mind since I began reading this thread, I can't remember all of them. Misinterpreting signals, I think, is a huge stumbling block. It seems that everyone has certain histories/baggage/etc that changes how they act, some may be conceited, and thus always think that when they meet another for the first time they automatically like them or are attracted to them. Others are very shy, even when they percieve signals they don't act, when this happens the person sending the signals feels as if they just don't like them, when in reality they may like them a lot. Relationship themselves can be very simple and easy, but making them happen is another story. Everyone is so very different, the way we percieve things creates the complications.

 

[Evo]

I don't think other women are like this but this is the type of behavior I exhibit when I am attracted to someone. Imagine if you will..

The guy I have a crush on enters the elevator. We are alone. I can't look him in the eye because I am overcome with shyness. Almost paralyzed. We ride in silence to the 6th floor, his stop. Just as he starts to exit, I mutter something in an attempt to make conversation and it comes out like, "shirt...nice" and then, waving goodbye to him, I clumsily spill most of my latte on myself. Then the doors close and I realize complimenting the shirt was rather stupid because he's the UPS guy, and oh, DAMMIT!

Next time compliment him on his choice of colors.

 

[Math Is Hard]

Next time compliment him on his choice of colors.

*wipes monitor*

 

[matthew baird]

Math is hard,
Seriously that story is funny! Myself, as the UPS guy in this situation, would definitely realize your intentions. For me at least, it is easy to pick up on shy girls thoughts. When you can tell that they are nervous because they say something that doesn't quite make sense (aka telling the ups guy he has a nice shirt lol) obviously they have that initial attraction.

 

[JasonRox]

I don't think other women are like this but this is the type of behavior I exhibit when I am attracted to someone. Imagine if you will..

The guy I have a crush on enters the elevator. We are alone. I can't look him in the eye because I am overcome with shyness. Almost paralyzed. We ride in silence to the 6th floor, his stop. Just as he starts to exit, I mutter something in an attempt to make conversation and it comes out like, "shirt...nice" and then, waving goodbye to him, I clumsily spill most of my latte on myself. Then the doors close and I realize complimenting the shirt was rather stupid because he's the UPS guy, and oh, DAMMIT!

One day, the guy will notice the signal and walk right back in the elevator.

 

[arildno]

Well I have noticed that the cutest men in New York happen to be firemen.

Agreed. Just look at these Dutch fire-fighters!
http://www.at5.nl/img/blobs/04/10606776310.120286861713904__data_fotos_Fotogallerijen_Gay_Canal_Parade_2003_Fullsize_Zwanikken_Firemen.jpg

 

[Evo]

Not fair. The best men are either

1) Unavailable

2) Gay

3) Emotionally damaged

 

[matthew baird]

WHAT WHAT evo??!
I consider myself to be quite the catch. I am not taken/gay/or emotionally damaged...well I guess I once was emotionally damaged because of unfortunate events but I am now very strong, I learned from everything that happened.

 

[Ronnin]

Seems to be a lot of negativity in this tread. Ladies cheer up, anything worth it, is worth waiting for.

 

[Evo]

WHAT WHAT evo??!
I consider myself to be quite the catch. I am taken/gay/or emotionally damaged...well I guess I once was emotionally damaged because of unfortunate events but I am now very strong, I learned from everything that happened.

Then you fall into category 4 - you don't exist.

 

[arildno]

Then you fall into category 4 - you don't exist.

No, he's just confused about himself.

 

[NateTG]

Not fair. The best men are either
1) Unavailable
2) Gay
3) Emotionally damaged

It's not fair. Women only want things they can't have.
(Did you forget #4. Have lousy taste in women?)

I get the impression (and this is certainly true for me) that people generally don't have a good idea of what they're looking for. Both men and women seem all to willing to get involved with people that are a poor fit.

 

[arildno]

It's not fair. Women only want things they can't have.

FREUDIAN ALERT!

 

[Evo]

It's not fair. Women only want things they can't have.
(Did you forget #4. Have lousy taste in women?)

Oh, forgot that one, let's make that number 5.