What do girls/women look for in men?

[DaveC426913]

It would be nice to have someone that would just leave me alone. I'd like to date the invisible woman.

You're in luck. You have 3 billion who are willing to do just that.

 

[Huckleberry]

You're in luck. You have 3 billion who are willing to do just that.

Yeah, that is good news! But I don't think you should count them all. I don't mess around with committed women, even if it's me they want to be committed to.

I want a life-long uncommitted relationship.

 

[J'adore]

I want a life-long uncommitted relationship

good luck with that

 

[DavoH]

Physical Attraction

So tell me , my partner says she doens't find people physically attractive and yet goes for personality and that's what makes her become attracted to that person...

Surely ... there must be some kind of physical attraction... if you got two guys one who is scruffy , dirty looking doesn't clean their teeth but is a really funny guy and has a great personality and one who is average to good looking, clean tidy and has a nice smile...who you going to choose to talk to and possibly form a relationship with...

Your thoughts please...

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

When I was in scouts, I met some very nice girl scouts.

When I was a young man I was a girl scout. I asked my wife what women look for in a man. She said "Can't you tell? They look for someone who is stupid, fat, ugly and poor."

 

[Moonbear]

So tell me , my partner says she doens't find people physically attractive and yet goes for personality and that's what makes her become attracted to that person...

Surely ... there must be some kind of physical attraction... if you got two guys one who is scruffy , dirty looking doesn't clean their teeth but is a really funny guy and has a great personality and one who is average to good looking, clean tidy and has a nice smile...who you going to choose to talk to and possibly form a relationship with...

Your thoughts please...

There's a big difference between someone who doesn't even brush his teeth and not choosing someone based on appearance first. You can't find someone's appearance totally repulsive and develop an attraction for them, if that's what you're asking. It just means it's not the first thing you notice about them, that a somewhat average person who would generally just blend into the crowd rather than have a flock of women drooling over him as he walks past can become very attractive if they have the right personality. It's much easier to consider a relationship with someone who has an amazing personality and bland looks than someone who has amazing looks and a bland personality.

 

[Astronuc]

I agree with Moonbear.

there must be some kind of physical attraction... if you got two guys one who is scruffy, dirty looking doesn't clean their teeth

There are two (separate) attributes herein - attractiveness (or physical appearance) and hygiene.

 

[DavoH]

OK point taken. Let me phrase it another way. My partner says , she wasnt attracted to me physically first off but as time went on and she got to know me she fell in love with the person inside and NOT the exterior person. she loves me for who I am and not what I look like. Now to me...that sounds a bit odd as I think women (like men) must surely have some kind of physical attraction first off or they wouldn't find out about the person within..is that a fair statement? It also , i might add, makes me feel that she doesn't find me attractive physically which is one of the things that's important to me in a relationship or i might find myself wearing jeans , t-shirt and cap and not really making any effort to look nice for her.

 

[Astronuc]

OK point taken. Let me phrase it another way. My partner says , she wasnt attracted to me physically first off but as time went on and she got to know me she fell in love with the person inside and NOT the exterior person. she loves me for who I am and not what I look like. Now to me...that sounds a bit odd as I think women (like men) must surely have some kind of physical attraction first off or they wouldn't find out about the person within..is that a fair statement? It also , i might add, makes me feel that she doesn't find me attractive physically which is one of the things that's important to me in a relationship or i might find myself wearing jeans , t-shirt and cap and not really making any effort to look nice for her.

Well, we're at a disadvantage of not knowing her or you, so we could only speculate, which would not be helpful. I think the vast majority of people do respond to visual stimulation as well as auditory. If both of you are satisfied with the relationship, why worry?

 

[Moonbear]

OK point taken. Let me phrase it another way. My partner says , she wasnt attracted to me physically first off but as time went on and she got to know me she fell in love with the person inside and NOT the exterior person. she loves me for who I am and not what I look like. Now to me...that sounds a bit odd as I think women (like men) must surely have some kind of physical attraction first off or they wouldn't find out about the person within..is that a fair statement? It also , i might add, makes me feel that she doesn't find me attractive physically which is one of the things that's important to me in a relationship or i might find myself wearing jeans , t-shirt and cap and not really making any effort to look nice for her.

Well, it would be odd if she didn't find you at all physically attractive, and would be worrisome. You'd have to ask her that, though, because we can't answer for her. More likely, she fell in love with your personality first, THEN grew more physically attracted. If you read all the similar threads around here (there are several about relationships, dating, attraction, etc.), you'll notice that this is common for women, or at least women looking for relationships and not "play dates."

Most men I've dated, I haven't been physically attracted to when I first met them. I haven't been repulsed either, but nothing stood out as "WOWZA!" if you know what I mean. They were "just guys." It was their personality that caught my attention and held that attention, and then they sort of grew on me until I thought they were the best thing since sliced bread. I've only gone after a guy solely for appearance once, and that was because I wasn't looking for a relationship at the time, just a little fun while getting over a breakup...he was in a similar situation so it worked for both of us. We had very little in common in terms of personality, so it would never have worked out as anything more, just a feel good pick-me up before moving on again.

I don't know if personality would be enough to turn a troll into Prince Charming because I've never been in that situation. Regardless of what someone might think of themselves and their own self-esteem issues, there really are very few people who are completely repulsive physically as long as they maintain personal hygiene. There are only a few who will stand out as drop dead gorgeous too. The rest are all simply ordinary, which is to say perfectly normal. It's personality that makes them stand out as someone special. And, once someone has fallen in love with you, it really doesn't matter if you wear t-shirts and jeans or custom-tailored suits, they're attracted no matter what (doesn't mean they won't appreciate when you put yourself together nicer, just that they aren't with you for such superficial reasons).

 

[DavoH]

thanks guys. Its helped me understand a little better i think. :)

 

[pitot-tube]

Women look for anything in a man that makes them feel comfortable (and what makes a woman feel comfortable depends on who she is to a large extent)and if he's good fun too then that's a bonus.Girls notice the fun side of a man more than women and are less objective about whether or not the man is good for their self-esteem,personal development etc.

 

[rewebster]

A very few women flirt out of borement too--just to see what will happen and see how far the guy will jump.

 

[binzing]

Back to the beginning of the thread. From my perspective (15 yo male) I hate being smart, because all the girls care about is how a guy looks and not personality it really sucks.

 

[Cyrus]

Looks don't mean squat. Learn this early on binzing.

 

[binzing]

I already know it, its just frustrating when they blow you off or even go on the offensive to make you feel like sh**.

 

[Cyrus]

Then you need to learn how to talk to women.

 

[binzing]

I meant it in that, while just being myself and not even talking to them. There have been multiple girls that tell their friends crap about me. It doesn't make sense. There needs to be a revolution in human interactions among high-intelligence people. Lord knows we need more smart people to help solve the world's problems.

 

[RonL]

Reguardless of how good you might be, there will be people that might dislike, or resent you.
If you can be a good friend, then most likely you will have friends, of both sexes.
Don't misuse or abuse people, physically or mentally, and you will get along well in life.
As far as world problems are concerned, we have all the smart people needed, and have lots of documents from those already gone.
Applying what we know, and living as we should, would take care of all problems. (changing human nature, possible, but not likely)

Just my .02

Ron

 

[Moonbear]

I already know it, its just frustrating when they blow you off or even go on the offensive to make you feel like sh**.

That's because you're 15, and they're 15 too, and still immature. Don't sweat it. Nobody at 15 is looking for a long-term relationship or their life partner to settle down, so if most of them are obnoxious, just wait it out and talk to the few who aren't like that. I wasn't even allowed to start dating until I was 16 (that was still fairly common when I was that age, and maybe there's some good wisdom to that practice since even at 16 you don't really know what you're looking for, but it's a good age to start learning how dating works).

 

[JasonRox]

Then you need to learn how to talk to women.

Exactly!

I hate the whole... I'm smart but girls don't like smart. That's bull****. You can look good and be smart too! I'm smart, look good, flirty with girls and girls like me.

People think I'm dressed up everyday now. But honestly, it's just winter fashion for me. I like to stay borderline gay when it comes to looking good to be honest. Girls like gay guys who look good, so I look good but ain't gay.

Then just like Cyrus said, talk to girls! Learn to talk to them!

Note: It my mind the girls aren't doing anything wrong. It's the guys that lack social skills. They're practically exploiting their interests and most guys don't see it. That's just brutal.

 

[rewebster]

The first thing is: you better know 'who' you are--then go after what you want---

There's no sense in going after a woman who only likes guys with a 'bad boy' mentality if you're not a 'bad boy'.---

 

[moonkeeps]

What women look for

I think that in a primitive sense, women are naturally programmed to respond to a man who has these traits:

#1.) Intelligent - we don't want to have kids with a stupid man (bad for survival)

#2.) Loyal - we don't want to have kids with a man who is going to leave. (If you want to turn a woman's sex drive OFF - let her find you doing porn, comparing her to other women, flirting, etc.) If a woman doesn't feel secure, she doesn't want to have sex - it's biological. Ditto sexism - because even a hot woman will feel insecure, or capable of aging out of being hot enough to keep her man. If a woman is somewhat interested in a man, and he makes her feel like she's his ideal woman, it will be hard for any other man to compete with him for her attention.

#3.) Romantic - (see above.)

#4.) Laid back sense of confidence - Women don't want to deal with a guy who is a bottomless pit of insecurity - or a mixed bag of hot-headed temper. Easygoing men get the girls. Why? They seem to be more stable, desirable mates.

#5.) Promise of a future. A man without goals and a work ethic has nothing to offer a woman. Huge turnoff. Every woman wants a man with potential to be a success.

#6.) Kindness - Not just to her, but to her friends, his family, her family, and everyone else. As long as a guy is strong and secure, NICE GUYS actually finish first with women. (It's' the insecure nice guys who are pathetic and turn women off.)

Good looks help - but a guy doesn't have to be good looking - as long as he takes reasonable care of his body, dresses appropriately, and looks like he actually looks in a mirror and cleans himself up accordingly every day.

 

[ChiiCeres]

It varies

There are so many different things that women in general look for in males and most of it depends on: (a) what the woman wants. (b) How they are raised. (c) Why they feel that way. Also you have to take into account that people in general have different interest. You can find poeple that have more than one thing in commen but you can't stereotype. There are also many other things that vary on this topic.

In conclusion this is an unanswerable question because women vary. You can only get a majority and a minority answer. There is no exact.

 

[ChiiCeres]

I think that in a primitive sense, women are naturally programmed to respond to a man who has these traits:

#1.) Intelligent - we don't want to have kids with a stupid man (bad for survival)

#2.) Loyal - we don't want to have kids with a man who is going to leave. (If you want to turn a woman's sex drive OFF - let her find you doing porn, comparing her to other women, flirting, etc.) If a woman doesn't feel secure, she doesn't want to have sex - it's biological. Ditto sexism - because even a hot woman will feel insecure, or capable of aging out of being hot enough to keep her man. If a woman is somewhat interested in a man, and he makes her feel like she's his ideal woman, it will be hard for any other man to compete with him for her attention.

#3.) Romantic - (see above.)

#4.) Laid back sense of confidence - Women don't want to deal with a guy who is a bottomless pit of insecurity - or a mixed bag of hot-headed temper. Easygoing men get the girls. Why? They seem to be more stable, desirable mates.

#5.) Promise of a future. A man without goals and a work ethic has nothing to offer a woman. Huge turnoff. Every woman wants a man with potential to be a success.

#6.) Kindness - Not just to her, but to her friends, his family, her family, and everyone else. As long as a guy is strong and secure, NICE GUYS actually finish first with women. (It's' the insecure nice guys who are pathetic and turn women off.)

Good looks help - but a guy doesn't have to be good looking - as long as he takes reasonable care of his body, dresses appropriately, and looks like he actually looks in a mirror and cleans himself up accordingly every day.

I agree, you make a good point. Your opinion on this subject makes enuogh sense that it generalizes what MOST women want without being stereotypical. However, as it may be true that women are naturaly programmed to respond to certain features men have, it still varies. Heritage, environmental, social, cultural, etc, also come into play with the way human minds develop. Hence, the form of different opinions, personalities, likes and dislikes, turn-offs and turn-ons. So the answer to this question is as varied as the people who ask it.

 

[Tsu]

I look for a man who doesn't wear dresses.

 

[W3pcq]

I think women are naturally attracted to men who are sure of themselves. Not men who brag, but men who are confident. Maybe a natural evolutionary trait. They want someone who looks like they have control over their lives, not just someone who follows. I guess you could say they are attracted to leaders in general.

 

[turbo]

I look for a man who doesn't wear dresses.

Wait! I can change!

 

[smashingtime]

1. Self-confidence, or at least someone who's at ease with being himself
2. Sense of humor
3. Honesty
4. Good hygiene

we're not asking for much :)
these factors--especially self-assurance--weigh more than good looks in my book. i dated this guy once who ranked 10 on the hottiness scale, but he kept asking for my approval on every single thing & had a habit of twitching nervously. it got tiring after a while.

 

[mike10522]

so is it still possible for someone like me who isn't the best looking guy in fact if i had to say i would say my looks are mostly below average but i take my school work and work very seriously also been told by many people and friends i am very kind. so how can i "attract" a girl that i am attracted to.

note* women i am attracted too are also very serious about their work and you have women who are blond with their chest hanging out you i am not attracted to those kinds of women for me attraction is most likely me getting along with them but there is this one woman i have known for about 9 months now but how can i get her to attract me or notice ...:shy: i mean also standing next to her i get nerves and ya... you get the point

 

[cristo]

so is it still possible for someone like me who isn't the best looking guy in fact if i had to say i would say my looks are mostly below average but i take my school work and work very seriously also been told by many people and friends i am very kind. so how can i "attract" a girl that i am attracted to.

note* women i am attracted too are also very serious about their work and you have women who are blond with their chest hanging out you i am not attracted to those kinds of women for me attraction is most likely me getting along with them but there is this one woman i have known for about 9 months now but how can i get her to attract me or notice ...:shy: i mean also standing next to her i get nerves and ya... you get the point

You can't make someone be attracted to you (in my opinion anyway), but presumably what you mean is trying to get someone to notice you. I'd say just go and strike up a conversation with the girl in question. There's not really much anyone can say to you unless you know you and your situation, though.

 

[rewebster]

You can't make someone be attracted to you (in my opinion anyway), but presumably what you mean is trying to get someone to notice you. I'd say just go and strike up a conversation with the girl in question. There's not really much anyone can say to you unless you know you and your situation, though.

money and/or fame seems to still 'do it' for some men for some women to 'gaga' over

 

[Focus]

4. Good hygiene

we're not asking for much :)

I think you are contradicting yourself.

 

[DaveC426913]

so is it still possible for someone like me who isn't the best looking guy

Definitely. Smashingtime has it. A smile, a scintillating conversation and some confidence are what attract women.

 

[offtheleft]

I seem to have a minute problem with girls for some reason. Most of the time they're only interested in me for "fun" and it has put quite a dent in my self esteem. I'd like to find out where I'm going wrong, you know? Even lately, as soon as I mention to a girl that I'm not so interested to rushing into things, I never hear from her anymore. Is it just a college thing or something?