Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 298995​

And it is real: https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=recursion

Googling "askew" is another easter egg.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[BillTre]

What did the police find when they dusted Chris Rock's face?

Fresh prints.

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ibix]

A friend was at a family funeral when he suddenly realized that he wasn't sure he'd put his phone in silent. Since his text message sound was someone knocking on a door then asking in a weird voice "is there anybody there?", he decided to check as a matter of urgency.

Collective opinion among my friends is that this guy and his phone are invited to all our funerals...

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[jack action]

 

[dextercioby]

I just heart in a romantic movie: (Him to her) „You were breathtaking”. My mind on the spot came with a pun: „You were bad breath#taking”.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[artis]

And other huge companies like McDonalds and KFC started in a kitchen

 

[artis]

Manual on how to start your VW lawn mower


And a better version of a lawn mower

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[phinds]

--Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupe melons and no one asks, "What the Hell is wrong with you?”

--When the pool re-opens, due to social distancing rules, there will be no water in lanes 1, 3, and 5.

--When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.

--Just once, I want the username and password prompt to say, “Close enough.”

--If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I’m self employed. We’re having a meeting.

--I envy people who grow old gracefully. They age like a fine wine. I’m ageing like milk: Getting sour and chunky.

--I hate it when I can’t figure out how to operate the iPad and my tech support guy is asleep. He’s 5 and it’s past his bedtime. Today’s 3 year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud.

 

[DennisN]

Medical diagnosis:

Something is fishy with the currency:

 

[jack action]

What has two butts and kills people?

Spoiler: Answer

An assassin

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[ergospherical]

 

[BillTre]

 

[Melbourne Guy]

I remember as a kid, my dad got fired from his job as a road worker for theft. I refused to believe he could do such a thing, but when I got home, the signs were all there.

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[phinds]

DEEPLY cringe-worthy but I just can't help myself:

Price of gas in France ------ A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, "Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings--- I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh

See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else.

I put it here because I figured I had nothing Toulouse

 

[artis]

 

[ergospherical]

 

[pinball1970]

Since its pf...

 

[pinball1970]

topology section

 

[WWGD]