Collection of Lame Jokes

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

Ouch...

 

[davenn]

I drink wine for medicinal reasons.
My doctor said I shouldn't keep things bottled up.

 

[davenn]

 

[fresh_42]

I drink wine for medicinal reasons.
My doctor said I shouldn't keep things bottled up.

Of course, drinking too much beer can make you nauseous. But let's be honest, after 5 liters of cocoa basically everyone throws up, too.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[martinbn]

Of course, drinking too much beer can make you nauseous. But let's be honest, after 5 liters of cocoa basically everyone throws up, too.

Just to extend your agony from the other thread, I will point out that nauseous means “causing nausea” while nauseated means “feeling sick.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[davenn]

View attachment 316222

haha ... haven't seen Andy Capp for years
always used to read those cartoons

 

[davenn]

A politician visited a remote town and asked the inhabitants what the government could do for them.
"We have two big needs,”
“First, we have a hospital but no doctor.”
The politician whipped out his mobile phone, spoke for a while and then said, “I have sorted it out. A doctor will arrive here tomorrow.
What is your other need?”
“Mobile phone reception in our town !"

BUSTED

 

[Wrichik Basu]

A politician visited a remote town and asked the inhabitants what the government could do for them.
"We have two big needs,”
“First, we have a hospital but no doctor.”
The politician whipped out his mobile phone, spoke for a while and then said, “I have sorted it out. A doctor will arrive here tomorrow.
What is your other need?”
“Mobile phone reception in our town !"View attachment 316231View attachment 316232View attachment 316233View attachment 316234

BUSTED

I bet this originated in my country. I've seen this a lot on WhatsApp.

 

[phinds]

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

​

 

[jack action]

(source)​

 

[DennisN]

 

[Orodruin]

A politician visited a remote town and asked the inhabitants what the government could do for them.
"We have two big needs,”
“First, we have a hospital but no doctor.”
The politician whipped out his mobile phone, spoke for a while and then said, “I have sorted it out. A doctor will arrive here tomorrow.
What is your other need?”
“Mobile phone reception in our town !"View attachment 316231View attachment 316232View attachment 316233View attachment 316234

BUSTED

 

[DennisN]

View attachment 316241
​

I've been into DIY Hifi myself, and had a good laugh when I saw this.
Therefore I posted it in a DIY Hifi group I'm in on Facebook.
It got 3 likes from group members, but after that the joke got deleted from the group. Maybe the group admin is a bit touchy.

Maybe it hit a nerve.

 

[Arjan82]

Elon Musk buys Twitter: "Let that sink in" ...

 

[fresh_42]

I've been into DIY Hifi myself, and had a good laugh when I saw this.
Therefore I posted it in a DIY Hifi group I'm in on Facebook.
It got 3 likes from group members, but after that the joke got deleted from the group. Maybe the group admin is a bit touchy.

Maybe it hit a nerve.

That joke explained to me why my speaker cables are so bombastic compared with the speaker cables in a computer case ...

 

[DennisN]

A little pep talk...

 

[phinds]

S O M E T I M E S <sigh>
Sometimes...when you cry... No one sees your tears.
Sometimes...when you are in pain... No one sees your hurt.
Sometimes...when you are worried...No one sees your stress.
Sometimes...when you are happy... No one sees your smile.
But fart just ONE time... And everybody notices!

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[fresh_42]

The gap is closing.

 

[fresh_42]

A Little 10-year-old girl was walking home, alone, from school one day, when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her.
After following along for a while, turns to her and asks,
"Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?"
"NO!" says the little girl as she keeps on walking.
The motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks,
"Hey little girl, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back."
"NO!" says the little girl again as she hurries down the street.
The motorcyclist pulls up beside the little girl again and says,
"Okay kid, my last offer! I'll give you 20 Bucks "and" a Big Bag of Candy if you will just hop on the back of my bike and we will go for a ride."
Finally, the little girl stops and turns towards him and Screams Out...

Spoiler

"Look Dad" "You're the one who bought the Honda instead of the Harley... YOU RIDE IT!"

(seen on https://www.facebook.com/AmazingWorld246)

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

"Who's on first?"

Who's currently letting the dog out. Who, who.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[BillTre]

 

[kuruman]

The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]