Collection of Lame Jokes

[davenn]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[davenn]

 

[phinds]

 

[WWGD]

Now, after the movie " Oppenheimer", a new trend on movies about the lives of physicists. Next up is one about Heisenberg. But you can't know both the time of the movie and where it's playing.

 

[topsquark]

Now, after the movie " Oppenheimer", a new trend on movies about the lives of physicists. Next up is one about Heisenberg. But you can't know both the time of the movie and where it's playing.

Heavens! At this rate, by the time they get to my movie, I'll be dead!

-Dan

 

[collinsmark]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[phinds]

OK, on this one, I'll do it myself:

 

[nsaspook]

Q: What's the difference between a quantum mechanic and an auto mechanic?
A: A quantum mechanic can get his car into the garage without opening the door.

 

[fresh_42]

Q: What's the difference between a quantum mechanic and an auto mechanic?
A: A quantum mechanic can get his car into the garage without opening the door.

I have seen pictures of people achieving this without being a quantum mechanic.

 

[Ibix]

Q: What's the difference between a quantum mechanic and an auto mechanic?
A: A quantum mechanic can get his car into the garage without opening the door.

https://www.physicsforums.com/threads/collection-of-science-jokes-p2.847743/post-6253093

 

[nsaspook]

I have seen pictures of people achieving this without being a quantum mechanic.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[DennisN]

 

[DennisN]

 

[DennisN]

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 333035

"Sure, just let me off at the pyramid."

 

[jtbell]

Q: What's the difference between a quantum mechanic and an auto mechanic?
A: A quantum mechanic can get his car into the garage without opening the door.

A2: A quantum mechanic can get his car into his two-car garage by going through both doors simultaneously.

 

[DrGreg]

A2: A quantum mechanic can get his car into his two-car garage by going through both doors simultaneously.

Whereas a relativistic mechanic can get two cars into a one-car garage by going fast enough.

(But not for very long, and not everyone will agree that he's achieved it.)

 

[fresh_42]

Whereas a relativistic mechanic can get two cars into a one-car garage by going fast enough.

(But not for very long, and not everyone will agree that he's achieved it.)

A relativistic mechanic can't get past the door!

 

[jack action]

 

[topsquark]

View attachment 333259​

My Dad always wanted to ditch his career as a High School History teacher and play the triangle for the Boston Pops.

(Of course, he also gave up watermelon for Lent every year...)

-Dan

 

[Ibix]

A relativistic mechanic can't get past the door!

At $\frac{\sqrt 3}2c$ (needed for a length contraction factor of 2), he is coming through your garage door. Or his atomised remains are, anyway.

 

[DennisN]

Trolling airplanes...
...a quite unusual but creative hobby...

An artist trolling planes:

(from https://www.boredpanda.com/funny-trolling/)

 

[DaveC426913]

A2: A quantum mechanic can get his car into his two-car garage by going through both doors simultaneously.

There was this gynecologist who walked away from his career to go take up a new trade as an auto repair man.

He drew crowds every time he worked on a car, disassembling and re-assembling the engine entirely through the tailpipe.

 

[DaveC426913]

Apologies. That was lazy design.
I should have parameterized it for greater reusability.

There was this [profession] who walked away from his career to go take up a new trade as an auto repair man.
He drew crowds every time he worked on a car, [activity].

| profession | activity |
| gynecologist | disassembling and re-assembling the engine entirely through the tailpipe |
| proctologist | lubing up and saying, 'Now just try to idle' |
| general practitioner | grabbing the muffler and saying 'Turn your head and backfire' |

 

[fresh_42]

 

[topsquark]

View attachment 333306

This thread should be deleted for its "toxic" content.

-Dan

 

[fresh_42]

This thread should be deleted for its "toxic" content.

-Dan

I don't get it. Is that a pun about Britney's mental health problems? Or a criticism about "fake news" on the internet? Or a hint that irony doesn't transport well on the internet?

 

[Ibix]

I don't get it. Is that a pun about Britney's mental health problems? Or a criticism about "fake news" on the internet? Or a hint that irony doesn't transport well on the internet?

Toxic is a song by Britney Spears, in the video for which she wears the outfit pictured in your post.

View attachment 333306

For info, the first commercial flight was indeed on January 1st 1914. Total complement was one pilot and one passenger in an unenclosed cabin. https://www.space.com/16657-worlds-first-commercial-airline-the-greatest-moments-in-flight.html

 

[jack action]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 333328​

I liked my Hungarian prof's( in the Pittsburgh area)" You have a friend in Transylvania "

 

[berkeman]

Total complement was one pilot and one passenger in an unenclosed cabin. https://www.space.com/16657-worlds-first-commercial-airline-the-greatest-moments-in-flight.html

Little-known fact -- That first paying passenger Tony Jannus was the great-grandfather of San Francisco 49ers quarterback and wunderkind Brock Purdy!

 

[DennisN]

I was browsing Amazon.de (German Amazon) for a compass and found one with a good rating.
But I got uncertain after I read this customer review... it seems dangerous to wear the compass around the neck:

But I'll be careful... I will buy it and put the compass in my pocket instead.