Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

 

[jtbell]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 352776

I remember the sign written in a gravestone " I told you I was sick".

 

[DrGreg]

I remember the sign written in a gravestone " I told you I was sick".

The comedian Spike Milligan wanted "I told you I was ill" on his gravestone, but the church authorities would not permit it. But they did allow "Dúirt mé leat go raibh mé breoite" which is Gaelic for the same phrase.

Ref : http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/southern_counties/3742443.stm

 

[WWGD]

The comedian Spike Milligan wanted "I told you I was ill" on his gravestone, but the church authorities would not permit it. But they did allow "Dúirt mé leat go raibh mé breoite" which is Gaelic for the same phrase.

Ref : http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/southern_counties/3742443.stm

Edit: He could have tried in the US:

 

[berkeman]

 

[gmax137]

Brain freeze? That one took me an embarrassingly long time...

 

[nsaspook]

 

[phinds]

After I explained my life style to a nutritionist acquaintance of mine, she said

If you would just quit drinking so much Coke and switch to tea you could easily lose at least 70% of the joy in your life.

 

[WWGD]

 

[nuuskur]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[berkeman]

 

[jtbell]

But what was that wheelbarrow carrying before he sat in it?

 

[DaveC426913]

But what was that wheelbarrow carrying before he sat in it?

Almost certainly air.

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

I REALLY love this one:

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 352891

Brian: You're all individuals!
Crowd, in chorus: Yes, we're all individuals!
Brian: You're all different!
Crowd, in chorus: Yes, we're all different!
One guy at the back: I'm not.
- Monty Python

 

[Orodruin]

Brian: You're all individuals!
Crowd, in chorus: Yes, we're all individuals!
Brian: You're all different!
Crowd, in chorus: Yes, we're all different!
One guy at the back: I'm not.
- Monty Python

 

[WWGD]

 

[dwarde]

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 352812

Just be careful which one you grab when you're hungry.

 

[davenn]

 

[jtbell]

Today's the day! Grab a hot dog, dig out its innards, fill it with scotch, and have a happy hollow weenie!

 

[phinds]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[dextercioby]

I hope this one's allowed.

 

[Orodruin]

 

[WWGD]