Conflicted Feelings: Moving On from High School

[The_Professional]

Originally posted by Monique
I would be very shy about touching a guy who I like, any guy for that matter :P unless there already is a close relationship like a friendship which creates the opportunity to behave in such a way.

Hahaaaa so you won't touch a guy you like, not even once when you're on a date with him? I'm not buying it.

Let me translate: when you said close relationship, you mean more than just friendship. You're potentially considering him

Originally posted by Monique
Really, I think the touching thing is nonsense if you only occasionally meet in the hallway. You can look at body language though. Positioning of the feet, hand movements (is she touching her hair/face a lot when you talk to her?), or when you are sitting at the table: is she leading in towards you? Does she play with her hair? Are her arms crossed? Is her head supported by her hand and how. Does she look away a lot when you talk to her. If you are sitting with her for lunch, do you notice that you are sitting in the same positions with your arms/hands/etc. Does she smile a lot when you talk to her.

Again, communication is more than just words.

The touching thing is part of the buying signals a woman gives off, like the ones you've mentioned here. However, it doesn't mean that it's the only thing that a guy should look for...

 

[rick1138]

The brush by is significant though.

 

[Monique]

Originally posted by The_Professional
Hahaaaa so you won't touch a guy you like, not even once when you're on a date with him? I'm not buying it.

Let me translate: when you said close relationship, you mean more than just friendship. You're potentially considering him


The touching thing is part of the buying signals a woman gives off, like the ones you've mentioned here. However, it doesn't mean that it's the only thing that a guy should look for...

I am saying: there should be a situation in which touching is physically possible. I really can't think of a situation in which occasional contact is possible, except on a date ofcourse where you are focussed on that person and it should be pretty clear that you are there for the reason of attraction.

In the situation of Prudens, how would the girl show she likes him when standing in the hallway and asks him how's econ? I mean, seriously, shove his shoulder, take his hand, wipe a lash from his nose, it is too forward. I agree that IF contact takes place, it is a very clear signal something is going on, but the chances this is a primary signal of affection is very slim.

I agree that the brush is significant, if I like a guy and I am standing in the subway, I would try and get some attention by standing near the person.

If I like one of my fellow student collegues, I would not go and make physical contact without knowing the person, unless the relationship moves to a more comfortable level where it would feel natural, but that is already after all the other signals have passed the revenue and I get the idea the attraction is mutual.

Ofcourse, this is over-analyzed, I would never think about physical contact that much, but thinking about it, that is how it works for me.

 

[PrudensOptimus]

Originally posted by Monique
I would be very shy about touching a guy who I like, any guy for that matter :P unless there already is a close relationship like a friendship which creates the opportunity to behave in such a way.

Really, I think the touching thing is nonsense if you only occasionally meet in the hallway. You can look at body language though. Positioning of the feet, hand movements (is she touching her hair/face a lot when you talk to her?), or when you are sitting at the table: is she leading in towards you? Does she play with her hair? Are her arms crossed? Is her head supported by her hand and how. Does she look away a lot when you talk to her. If you are sitting with her for lunch, do you notice that you are sitting in the same positions with your arms/hands/etc. Does she smile a lot when you talk to her.

Again, communication is more than just words.

She always smiles when talking to me... But again, in my impression, she is a very happy girl.

I never talked to her very often, usually talks lasts not very long, and because she invited me to her club, I usually talk to her and meet her in the club. At the club, she acts like the boss, and I remember one time she threw at a rubber band at me because I was doing something else at the club, and she asked me if I needed a ride after the club.

From my memories last year, she likes to play with her hair and act "unnatural/unusual" in physics class, specially when talking to me. Again, as I mentioned earlier, she use to sit toward back of the room with her "Friends' circle(mostly guys)", until I walked in one day, and I sat in the front. Then sometime after that she moved up front, and sat next to me from then. I always thought she can't see well in the back, but... who knows?

Just today, she came into my class and gave posters to other members (less active) of the club, but didn't give me one(i didn't know what she gave until after class, I was talking to my friends.); but, she waved, smiled, and said hi to me and walked out. Not sure if that's a sign or not, but let's hope it is a good sign.

And, btw, if touching is a sign, then... there's this girl who likes to touch me all the time in class... but i only like one girl, so...

 

[The_Professional]

I would go for the girl who likes you. Because this crush you have right now isn't going anywhere. Plenty of time got wasted over-analyzing and thinking about her and the mind is a terrible thing to waste.

 

[PrudensOptimus]

Originally posted by rick1138
The brush by is significant though.

Brush By?

 

[motai]

I still am confused as to why the girls in my school are always going out with these losers who disrespect them! These guys are jerks who harass girls, physically and verbally, yet they still have girlfriends.

I wonder how these guys were able to have girlfriends in the first place, and I dont. It demoralizes me; as I am among the top in my class, I am athletic (ran 10 miles yesterday, on cross country and track teams), and active in music (7th year playing the clarinet).

Is there any insight on this type of perplexing behavior? Do girls seem to gravitate towards the more dysfunctional guys?

 

[Junior Ivan]

Try this dude
Ask Men

 

[The_Professional]

If that's not really who you are, don't act like a jerk just to be a jerk, or because you think you'll get ladies that way. It doesn't work and it's the opposite of confidence.

 

[Monique]

Originally posted by motai
I still am confused as to why the girls in my school are always going out with these losers who disrespect them! These guys are jerks who harass girls, physically and verbally, yet they still have girlfriends.

I wonder how these guys were able to have girlfriends in the first place, and I dont. It demoralizes me; as I am among the top in my class, I am athletic (ran 10 miles yesterday, on cross country and track teams), and active in music (7th year playing the clarinet).

Is there any insight on this type of perplexing behavior? Do girls seem to gravitate towards the more dysfunctional guys?

The reason is very clear, the jerks give the girls attention and ask them out, the nerds are locked up in their inner brain world and are too shy to approach a girl. This is a remark in general and is not meant as a remark to anyone here! But if you feel offended, that might mean it applies to you.

 

[The_Professional]

This is the classic Jerks vs. Nice Guys question. A female initially responds to male strength qualities in a man. So this jerks, no matter how cocky they may seem, get the girls because of their no-care attitude plus if they're really good looking he could easily get away with it. And as mentioned on a previous post, they're not afraid to lay their egos on the line. The female sees this man as fun, strong and independent.

This goes back to the time when women are huddled in caves and the man had to go out and slay the sabre toothed tiger for food. It's the man's job to ask a woman out, show her a fun time etc.. that's the way it is and that's the way it's going to be.

 

[PrudensOptimus]

I wonder why she invited me to her club... And is a club with bunch of girls... I thought I would see a bunch of her boyfriends, turned out no guys are there... just me.

 

[Monique]

You are stationary, an observer, apparently she has already undertaken action to befriend you, now how about the other way around?

You say she sometimes comes over to you and asks how's econ. Do you ever walk over to her and ask how she's doing? Do you?

 

[PrudensOptimus]

Originally posted by Monique
You are stationary, an observer, apparently she has already undertaken action to befriend you, now how about the other way around?

You say she sometimes comes over to you and asks how's econ. Do you ever walk over to her and ask how she's doing? Do you?

Umm, not a lot. And umm, you mean she don't like me anymore ? :(

 

[Monique]

How is she supposed not to like you anymore if there was never a relationship to start with? It is up to you to make her like you, you have to be active and undertake action. Let her notice that you like her!

 

[PrudensOptimus]

Originally posted by Monique
How is she supposed not to like you anymore if there was never a relationship to start with? It is up to you to make her like you, you have to be active and undertake action. Let her notice that you like her!

How am I suppose to do that? Jump up to her and say "I love you baby?" rofl, that would look pretty absurd.

 

[Monique]

Girls LOVE attention (I do anyway) give compliments on her hair if when she wears it differently than normal.

How you let her know you like her? Well, it is all very subtle and giving advice is hard. A stare that lasts a little longer than normal should be a good sign. Be carefull of where you are staring at though

Be helpfull, get close so that physical contact is possible.

Actually, there was once this guy in class that I think had a crush on me, I didn't fancy him or anything, but what he did was pretty effective: he was always standing close to me: leaning over when I was sitting at the computer, touched my hand when explaining a calculation which I had in my hands, one time we had to write something on a board in class and he was also standing very close and I had this dreamflash that we were kissing, lol, that was the weirdest experience ever, since: I didn't fancy him, but that is what attention does to you.

 

[Hurkyl]

That's a really cute pic, Monique.

 

[Monique]

Well, hope no guys I know are reading this forum (or.. I hope they do!)

 

[PrudensOptimus]

loll where should I stare at? and... he hold your hands? Wouldn't a usual girl feel weird and uncomfortable when a guy comes up and hold her hands?

 

[Monique]

Originally posted by PrudensOptimus
loll where should I stare at? and... he hold your hands? Wouldn't a usual girl feel weird and uncomfortable when a guy comes up and hold her hands?

Her face maybe??

No, I never said holding, I said touching! It is not unusual to point with your finger on a piece of paper right? Or when one can't really see it one can take the holder's hand to hold the paper closer right?

 

[Hurkyl]

Bah, my luck isn't good enough to have a smart, attractive girl I know IRL spill the way to her heart on a forum I read!

 

[Hurkyl]

It is not unusual to point with your finger on a piece of paper right?

Studying together is a great vehicle for enabling touching of this type.

 

[PrudensOptimus]

Originally posted by Hurkyl
Studying together is a great vehicle for enabling touching of this type.

:\ somehow I just don't feel comfortable accepting some girl's invitation to their houses to study together. not even guys.

 

[PrudensOptimus]

Originally posted by Monique
Her face maybe??

No, I never said holding, I said touching! It is not unusual to point with your finger on a piece of paper right? Or when one can't really see it one can take the holder's hand to hold the paper closer right?

Why not her body?

 

[Monique]

Originally posted by PrudensOptimus
:\ somehow I just don't feel comfortable accepting some girl's invitation to their houses to study together. not even guys.

have you ever been invited? Seriously, have you? You declined?

Why not her body, yeah, you go stare at her body, be prepared for a long and lonely life with magazines lying under your mattress.

 

[Hurkyl]

\ somehow I just don't feel comfortable accepting some girl's invitation to their houses to study together. not even guys.

*gasp* If a girl I had a crush on invited me to her house, I'd go in a heartbeat! (I trust myself not to do anything stupid, though)

Homes aren't the only option; e.g. you can study at the library, or at a quiet restaurant (taking full advantage of free refills. )

 

[PrudensOptimus]

Originally posted by Monique
have you ever been invited? Seriously, have you? You declined?

Why not her body, yeah, you go stare at her body, be prepared for a long and lonely life with magazines lying under your mattress.

She asked me 3 or 4 times, but I said I can't make it.

 

[Monique]

Originally posted by PrudensOptimus
She asked me 3 or 4 times, but I said I can't make it.

She asked you over at her house, she asked you over for Thanksgiving, she comes up to you at school and starts conversations, everytime you blow her off and you are asking how to approach this girl? [b(]

 

[PrudensOptimus]

Originally posted by Monique
She asked you over at her house, she asked you over for Thanksgiving, she comes up to you at school and starts conversations, everytime you blow her off and you are asking how to approach this girl? [b(]

I told her I really can't make it, because i have other plans for christmas. I told her I really love to go if it was sometime after, and besides, she invited me because it was a CLUB POTLUCK, nothing personal.

 

[jimmy p]

I have to agree with monique here, you are unintentionally being defensive and so when she asks you to do things or spends time with you then you keep screwing up! ARGH! lol i wish i had it laid on a plate for me like you do! Drop everything and get round that house or, as monique said, get prepared to spend a lonely life with magazines under your mattress, or start "batting for the other side" lol

 

[Andy]

i wish i had it laid on a plate for me like you do!

What dya mean, you wish? You make it sound like you've got it hard!

 

[PrudensOptimus]

Originally posted by jimmy p
I have to agree with monique here, you are unintentionally being defensive and so when she asks you to do things or spends time with you then you keep screwing up! ARGH! lol i wish i had it laid on a plate for me like you do! Drop everything and get round that house or, as monique said, get prepared to spend a lonely life with magazines under your mattress, or start "batting for the other side" lol

loll, "drop everything and walk around house" in a CLUB POTLUCK? I don't think that's possible. Her parents will be home anyways.

 

[Monique]

You said you were invited over for study, or were these other girls?

 

[PrudensOptimus]

Originally posted by Monique
You said you were invited over for study, or were these other girls?

She did invite me over to help her fix a computer virus or some crap. But homework was offered by some seniors and junior girls in my ap classes.