Conflicted Feelings: Moving On from High School

[PrudensOptimus]

Originally posted by Monique
I meant this dad liked you, and the dad of the other girl :) that's a good thing.

You are really starting to become a playboy, Prudens

rofl, all thanks to you and many others for the continuing support and advices! keep them comin!

 

[Bubonic Plague]

Errr, I think I misunderstood somethings. The guy I saw in a picture with her was actually her cousin.

Then forget everything i said.

rofl, all thanks to you and many others for the continuing support and advices! keep them comin!

Who knows man. One day we might see you walking down the street, with a girl fanning you on the left and a girl feeding you with grapes on the right. Then you'll leave a bar with 3 more girls as an entourage, enter a limousine and drive off to who knows where.

 

[PrudensOptimus]

Originally posted by Bubonic Plague
Then forget everything i said.



Who knows man. One day we might see you walking down the street, with a girl fanning you on the left and a girl feeding you with grapes on the right. Then you'll leave a bar with 3 more girls as an entourage, enter a limousine and drive off to who knows where.

ROFL, until then, we must still communicate through this post.

 

[Bubonic Plague]

ROFL, until then, we must still communicate through this post.

When that happens and you write some killer book on dating, remember all your old pals at PF.

 

[PrudensOptimus]

Originally posted by Bubonic Plague
When that happens and you write some killer book on dating, remember all your old pals at PF.

Chapter XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX - Secrets from pF;

When I was around 15 years old, I remember the words of an infamous old man by now named Bubonic Plague.

.........

 

[The_Professional]

Originally posted by PrudensOptimus
lol i got a mail from her dad
-----------------------------------
Hi Tom,

It was good to meet you, I am sure we will run
into each other again.

Take Care,
-----------------------------------

I never really met him but umm, I think he sat next to me ... didn't really knew that was her daddy at the moment.

Her Dad DIGS you! too bad she doesn't. Just learn from your mistakes, by not coming on heavy and strong from the get-go.
On a date you keep things lighthearted and fun, No negatives (ex:my last gf crushed my heart and stabbed into pieces), No put-downs (ex: This guy sucks..etc)Don't overcompliment her.

As mentioned previously, women do speak a different language and here's some things they say and what they REALLY mean.

"I want a guy who's ambitious" = I want a guy with money

"Looks aren't important" = You better look like a GQ cover boy

"I can't give you my number because I'm in the middle of changing phone companies" = Not if you're the last man on earth!

"I can't quite figure you out" and/or "You're intriguing" = You, being a challenge is raising my interest.

"Where is this going?" = Are we going to get married?

 

[twizted1]

Ok...so after being gone for the holidays...wheres the first damn post i read? this one...but to steal a few lines from a friend... remember prudens..."Fat girls have skinny, hot friends" -Brent he used to say that because he had some female friends that were a lil chubby, but being friends with them, they put in lots of good words with some of their "hot" friends and that got him a fair number of dates.

Also, dad #3 said he'll see you later, that can mean SEVERAL different things, 1 he likes you as a person, 2 he likes the idea of you dating his daughter, 3 a niceity because he'll see you at the conferance next year.

When a girl rejects you don't think of yourself as not good enough for her, but her as not good enough for you, its her loss if she doesn't want you. And seein as how I just went thru a fairly bad break-up a few months ago (2 yrs together), its always the other person's loss, but remember the good times together and forget the bad, there are other girls out there! (just took me a few months to realize that again...)

And as for asking a girl out, just make it fun, don't make it out to be anything its not, let her kind of dictate where it goes. I'm takin out a girl next weekend that I never would have thought I would, but I did it just by askin her where she's takin me next weekend and offerin to drive. It broke down into a playful "argument" over who was takin who because she thought whoever was being taken should choose where to go, so I told her to choose. Course I got over my shyness with girls many years ago when I figured out that if you don't make a move your going to miss...and if you make a move you might get hurt, but if you don't make a move and never get hurt you never learn and never get anywhere...

-Ty

 

[Tsu]

Originally posted by twizted1
And as for asking a girl out, just make it fun, don't make it out to be anything its not, let her kind of dictate where it goes. I'm takin out a girl next weekend that I never would have thought I would, but I did it just by askin her where she's takin me next weekend and offerin to drive. It broke down into a playful "argument" over who was takin who because she thought whoever was being taken should choose where to go, so I told her to choose.

EXCELLENT ploy. What a sly fox you are!

Course I got over my shyness with girls many years ago when I figured out that if you don't make a move your going to miss...and if you make a move you might get hurt, but if you don't make a move and never get hurt you never learn and never get anywhere...
-Ty

Good advice. Another round of thoughts: If you don't make a move, you just sit there. If you just sit there, you atrophy. If you atrophy enough, after awhile you start to rot. When you sit there and rot, you start to SMELL REALLY BAD! Not a good situation. You should have gone out on a date. (Rather a poor end to what could have been a really nice time, ya?)

 

[Monique]

Originally posted by Tsunami
Another round of thoughts: If you don't make a move, you just sit there. If you just sit there, you atrophy. If you atrophy enough, after awhile you start to rot. When you sit there and rot, you start to SMELL REALLY BAD!

Yeah, you start smelling like acetone

 

[Tsu]

Originally posted by Monique
Yeah, you start smelling like acetone

Really? Acetone? I've never noticed THAT smell! (actually, I have, but not in conjunction with rotting flesh. I've smelled acetone on the breaths of patients with ketosis, low blood sugar, excessive vomiting...The wounds of my patients with rotting flesh smelled extremely putrid.) Is acetone a also a by-product of the rotting process?

 

[Monique]

I was referring to ketosis before the rotting kicks in basically

 

[Tsu]

Originally posted by Monique
I was referring to ketosis before the rotting kicks in basically

Interesting. I guess I was just always 'lucky' enough to get them well AFTER that point. (I love my job, I love my job, I love my job...if I say i often enough I'll start to believe it...)

 

[rick1138]

"Fat girls have skinny, hot friends"

Or better yet, "Skinny girls have fat, hot friends".

 

[Monique]

Guy trouble

Ok, I've given plenty of girl to guy advice,
now it is time for guy to girl advice :)

Ok, I have this rule: don't accept a one-to-one invitation from a guy if you only see him as a friend, only go in a group.


So I was msn chatting with these two guy friends, one asked: did you guys see TLOTRIII yet (he did). I didn't so didn't the another guy. So he asked: let's go see it together. To which I didn't reply. The first guy leaves and the second guy asks, so how about the movie, to which I reply, "sorry, no dates :)", to which he replied: "what is that supposed to mean", I: "nothing, I'm just busy studying this week" (what else can I say), after which he disconnected.

After a while the other guy comes up again and asks: "so were you going to go to the movie with him?", I said no, he says, "you shouldn't look anything behind it, it is just to see the movie".

So: is it just to see the movie or is it a date?


I don't understand these guys, he actually lives around the block and I've been over there and it was fun, after which on msn chat he tries to get me on what seem to be dates with him, but in real life nothing happens.

Only on chat he makes, what seem to be, avances. So what, I should go to the movie with him and stop him when he actually makes an avance or should I keep ignoring his invitations. I actually thought the "sorry, no dates :)" would've been a good point for him to make himself clear, but "what is that supposed to mean" doesn't tell me much. If only more men were gay.. ;)

Gùys.. nothing but trouble!

 

[Monique]

btw, I know these people for maybe 5 years or so, so with the 'sorry, no dates' I am not blowing off any regular guy :) that's why he should've said 'just to see the movie' or 'why not a date' I mean..

 

[rick1138]

Do you want this guy as a lover or a friend? It is hard to tell from your posts.

 

[PrudensOptimus]

Originally posted by Monique
Ok, I've given plenty of girl to guy advice,
now it is time for guy to girl advice :)

Ok, I have this rule: don't accept a one-to-one invitation from a guy if you only see him as a friend, only go in a group.


So I was msn chatting with these two guy friends, one asked: did you guys see TLOTRIII yet (he did). I didn't so didn't the another guy. So he asked: let's go see it together. To which I didn't reply. The first guy leaves and the second guy asks, so how about the movie, to which I reply, "sorry, no dates :)", to which he replied: "what is that supposed to mean", I: "nothing, I'm just busy studying this week" (what else can I say), after which he disconnected.

After a while the other guy comes up again and asks: "so were you going to go to the movie with him?", I said no, he says, "you shouldn't look anything behind it, it is just to see the movie".

So: is it just to see the movie or is it a date?


I don't understand these guys, he actually lives around the block and I've been over there and it was fun, after which on msn chat he tries to get me on what seem to be dates with him, but in real life nothing happens.

Only on chat he makes, what seem to be, avances. So what, I should go to the movie with him and stop him when he actually makes an avance or should I keep ignoring his invitations. I actually thought the "sorry, no dates :)" would've been a good point for him to make himself clear, but "what is that supposed to mean" doesn't tell me much. If only more men were gay.. ;)

Gùys.. nothing but trouble!

Hey! You did good! Blow him off! We agreed on watching LOTR III in America, remember? I'll buy you popcorn and hotdog:D

 

[Hurkyl]

I know nothing, so don't listen to a word I say.

Now that I've gotten that disclaimer out of the way...

Ok, I have this rule: don't accept a one-to-one invitation from a guy if you only see him as a friend, only go in a group.

I'm wondering how strict this rule is; surely you go out with just one of your female friends from time to time, right? What's so bad about men that you can't do the same with us? One can be close friends with the opposite sex without having interest in them. (In fact, the majority of my friends, including best friends, have been female)

The first guy leaves and the second guy asks, so how about the movie, to which I reply, "sorry, no dates :)", to which he replied: "what is that supposed to mean", I: "nothing, I'm just busy studying this week" (what else can I say), after which he disconnected.

...

I actually thought the "sorry, no dates :)" would've been a good point for him to make himself clear, but "what is that supposed to mean" doesn't tell me much.

It sounds to me like he could have been either startled or confused. I know I may have been after "sorry, no dates :)", and would respond with a "huh?"

And to make matters worse, you were the one who actually brought up the idea of you and him dating, and you did not deny interest. He might even start to think that you're trying to drop hints that you are interested in dating him!

Do you want this guy as a lover or a friend? It is hard to tell from your posts.

There is an in-between, you know.

 

[Monique]

Originally posted by rick1138
Do you want this guy as a lover or a friend? It is hard to tell from your posts.

as a friend ofcourse, otherwise I would've accepted all his insinuations which seemed to be dates.

 

[Hurkyl]

Upon reflection, I realize I never answered your question. If I had to guess, I'd say he just wanted to see the movie. After all, he has had 5 years to ask you out if he wanted; I know I can be hopeless, but I don't quite think even I would dawdle for 5 years if I wanted to ask someone out.

 

[Monique]

Originally posted by Hurkyl
I'm wondering how strict this rule is; surely you go out with just one of your female friends from time to time, right? What's so bad about men that you can't do the same with us? One can be close friends with the opposite sex without having interest in them. (In fact, the majority of my friends, including best friends, have been female)

Well, that is what I am wondering about. My experience has been that if a guy asks a girl to come over, there is only one purpose :O No guy asks a girl to come over without having interest for more. Been there, done that..

It sounds to me like he could have been either startled or confused. I know I may have been after "sorry, no dates :)", and would respond with a "huh?"

Ok.. so what should I've said? 'No' flat out, or, again make an excuse (like I've been doing since the past year or so), or go on the date which is not a date?

And to make matters worse, you were the one who actually brought up the idea of you and him dating, and you did not deny interest. He might even start to think that you're trying to drop hints that you are interested in dating him![/B]

Nooo! I didn't? He has been giving me vibes, but only thru msn, which is really hard to interpret you know. How can I deny interest on msn?? When did I drop hints?

 

[Monique]

Originally posted by Hurkyl
[..]but I don't quite think even I would dawdle for 5 years if I wanted to ask someone out.

The thing is, I think he has.

Ok, how if someone calls you honeybuns and babe on msn. I always thought it was his rapper character coming through so just joked about it (since real life he acts normal).

Oh, to make matters worse, 4-5 years ago or something my sister sent him phone-pages that I liked him (which wasn't true, I told him), remember, I spent 3 yrs in the US inbetween too.

I really don't know what to think at the moment, and it is not like you ask someone: 'are you trying to get me to date you?'

And no, he doesn't have a white horse, I would've know if he had in all that time

 

[Monique]

OK, so how do you go with a guy to the movies and let him know you are only going as friends? I mean, I would feel uncomfortable!

Oh, I went with a guy to a movie one time (the One, of all movies) and I made it VERY clear we were only going as friends, very very clear, actually, very clear, (since I had a bf at the time), he ended up buying me chocolates and the whole thing

 

[Hurkyl]

My experience has been that if a guy asks a girl to come over, there is only one purpose :O No guy asks a girl to come over without having interest for more. Been there, done that..

I think you're right on that, but only because the guys who don't have an ulterior motive wouldn't dare ask a girl over for fear of it being interpreted the wrong way... but then again we're not talking about whether you should go over to his place or not.


I guess one thing to establish is if you would see the movie with him if you knew he wasn't interested in dating. I'm presuming you would...

Ok.. so what should I've said? 'No' flat out, or, again make an excuse (like I've been doing since the past year or so), or go on the date which is not a date?

I think reiterating "I don't want to go on a date" or something is probably best. (though don't quote me on that!) If he really is interested in you, it's probably better to let him know that you aren't interested in him rather than leave it ambiguous.

I really don't like the making excuses approach; but I dislike lying in general. I'd be worried that he might resent you if he caught you in a lie, but maybe he wouldn't. *shrug*

(Of course, all of this is a lot easier to suggest when I'm not the one in there doing it. )


And, as I mentioned, mentioning dating then leaving it ambiguous could put the wrong idea in his head.

OK, so how do you go with a guy to the movies and let him know you are only going as friends? I mean, I would feel uncomfortable!

Well, after you (hopefully) make it clear you don't want to date, but he still asks you, you could go out of your way to do anti-datish things. Don't give him a chance to offer to pick you up or pay for your ticket (or alternatively, make sure to give him the chance, and decline if he does), make sure he sits down first and then you sit two seats over.

But I guess when it's all said and done, if you don't want to go, then don't go. Guilt is a bad basis for a friendship. Wait and be adventurous with another male friend who you are more confident doesn't have an interest in you.

And if he buys you chocolates, chew him out and go home. *harumph*

 

[Monique]

Well, I said 'sorry, no dates' since we WERE going to go alone, which qualifies as a date, and I don't want to be ambiguous. Since we are already friends he should've said, no, just to watch the movie. Normally I would've just said, ok, let's go and see it, but he has been leading me on, so it seems.

He asked me out many times (on chat), mostly I just talked over it or replied with 'let's take a bunch of people along' (since it is hard to chauge the intent from words on a screen). Should I have said "no, I am not interested in a date, let's stay friends" when I don't even know what he is getting at?

Hgm, never ask a girl out over a chat OK guys??

Next week there is a party we are going to, so I'll measure his intend there. *to be continued*

sorry prudens, I am going to take over your thread

 

[Monique]

One thing clear: I think he is a great guy!
But he's 'just a friend' to me. :)

 

[PrudensOptimus]

Originally posted by Monique
Well, I said 'sorry, no dates' since we WERE going to go alone, which qualifies as a date, and I don't want to be ambiguous. Since we are already friends he should've said, no, just to watch the movie. Normally I would've just said, ok, let's go and see it, but he has been leading me on, so it seems.

He asked me out many times (on chat), mostly I just talked over it or replied with 'let's take a bunch of people along' (since it is hard to chauge the intent from words on a screen). Should I have said "no, I am not interested in a date, let's stay friends" when I don't even know what he is getting at?

Hgm, never ask a girl out over a chat OK guys??

Next week there is a party we are going to, so I'll measure his intend there. *to be continued*

sorry prudens, I am going to take over your thread

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! My thread!

I charge $0.5 for every post and every respond to your post.

 

[Hurkyl]

Should I have said "no, I am not interested in a date, let's stay friends" when I don't even know what he is getting at?

Well, saying "No dates :)" was probably not a bad thing to say. The question is whether that caught him by surprise and if he had time to collect his wits before your follow-up... which, as you mentioned, is probably impossible to tell over chat! After his fumbling response, then what you just said might not be so bad... or maybe just something briefer like "I don't want to go on a date".


Oh, another thing I forgot to mention; the particular choice of movie causes me to be much more likely to believe that he didn't mean to ask you on a date. ROTK is much more of a "friends see this together" movie than whatever the latest chick flick is.

*sigh* Now I'm having second thoughts about my plan to ask the girl I like out next week. I was going to ask her to dinner to hear about her vacation, and at dinner I was going to ask her to see ROTK.

(dinner was an afterthought I concocted when I realized I probably wouldn't get a chance to ask her out in person, though that situation has changed...)

 

[PrudensOptimus]

Originally posted by Monique
One thing clear: I think he is a great guy!
But he's 'just a friend' to me. :)

i see! he's ugly!

what is ROTK? LOTR III? Rofl, ... That's what I brought #3 girl to see; too bad her smartass brother was talking to her all the time :(


@Hurkl, post a pic of yours and hers, and we'll see if you are compatible with her!

 

[Monique]

Doesn't ROTK last for like, 3h or so? Plenty of time for a romance to bloom I imagine.. :P you could fall asleep on her shoulder, arms wandering to touch her hand, her knee and such?

And what does the movie matter? For all it is worth, it might've been a set up! the other guy DID say that the other would've to pay and take me to a 5 star restaurant (although jokingly).

Taking a girl to a chickflick movie on a date is just cheap..

 

[Hurkyl]

Yes. ROTK = Return of the King.

Lol, I'm still trying to get a pic of just myself, now you want me to get one of my crush too? I generally don't like taking pictures anyways, and I somehow doubt she'd enjoy having her picture taken just so I could show her off.


I'll have to admit I never took a girl to a movie to make a move on her, so I don't know how that's supposed to work. Me and my ex-girlfriend both liked to watch movies, so we went to movies a lot and, well, watched them, and this girl is the first one I've met since that I really like who didn't have a boyfriend already.

P.S. I actually like some chick flicks.

 

[Monique]

Originally posted by PrudensOptimus
i see! he's ugly!

No, that really has a small influence, it is how the person PRESENTS himself that matters. Baggy clothes are a biiiiiiiiiiiiiig nono, I like someone who dresses like he is important :) and is concerned about skin care :P Has to have some ambitions too, and be curious about new stuff :D

 

[PrudensOptimus]

Originally posted by Monique
No, that really has a small influence, it is how the person PRESENTS himself that matters. Baggy clothes are a biiiiiiiiiiiiiig nono, I like someone who dresses like he is important :) and is concerned about skin care :P Has to have some ambitions too, and be curious about new stuff :D

Sounds like me. I present myself good, and dress good, but... Girl #3 still rejected me:(

@Hurkl, LOTRIII with Girl #3 was actually the first time I took a girl to a movie. 3hours... sigh, didn't know what the hell i was doing... nothing.

 

[Hurkyl]

As Uncle says

One more thing; I'm not entirely sure what to read into his online personality... people tend to have a lot fewer inhibitions online, but I don't know if it just means he's having fun with you or if he's hitting on you.

And both of y'all focus too much on looks. Sure, my crush is cute, but she has the most adorable personality and that's why I like her. To be honest, I barely noticed her until I first started seeing her personality, and now I can't stop thinking about her!

 

[Monique]

Originally posted by Hurkyl
One more thing; I'm not entirely sure what to read into his online personality... people tend to have a lot fewer inhibitions online, but I don't know if it just means he's having fun with you or if he's hitting on you.

Yeah, it could be an innocent flirt or really a serious flirt. I always took it as innocent joking.

OK, taking a girl to the theater. I once had a guy who was copying my every move, I intentionally moved certain ways or sit in a certain way, he would copy it, very annoying. But in a more translucent way it might work :)

Leaning in is where it starts, see if she also leans in, touch the arms, play with her hand.. you'll soon enough find out if she likes the attention. Don't lay it on thick though :P On next dates some knee touching or head-against-shoulder action might take place :)

Really, going to a movie doesn't need to be staring at a screen for three hours like a statue you know..