- #316
physicsuser
- 82
- 1
Do the chickens have large talons?zanazzi78 said:
In summary: This is because the light is being pushed down by the water. The dark is occupying more space and is therefore heavier.
- #317
DaveC426913
Gold Member
- 22,497
- 6,168
eax:eax said:
Q: What is the #1 reason women use to get out of having sex?
A: They have a headache.
- #318
eax
- 61
- 0
Ah yeah lol. Now the joke makes sense.
- #319
- 2,021
- 796
Q: How many Microsoft technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. Two to hold the ladder and one to hammer the bulb into a faucet.
-Dan
A: Three. Two to hold the ladder and one to hammer the bulb into a faucet.
-Dan
- #320
- 2,021
- 796
An Oxford philosopher was giving a lecture on the philosophy of language at Columbia University, and came to a curious aspect of the English language. "You will note," said the stuffy Oxford scholar, "that in the English language, two negatives can mean a positive, but never is it the case that two positives can mean a negative." To which someone in the back responded, "yeah, yeah."
-Dan
-Dan
- #321
- 2,021
- 796
Researchers in Fairbanks Alaska announced last week that they have discovered a superconductor which will operate at room temperature.
-Dan
-Dan
- #322
- 2,021
- 796
SCIENCE: BREAD IS DANGEROUS
1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat, begged for bread after as little as two days.
6. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cream cheese.
7. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey, bread-pudding person.
8. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
9. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 450 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than two minutes.
10. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
-Dan
1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat, begged for bread after as little as two days.
6. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cream cheese.
7. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey, bread-pudding person.
8. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
9. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 450 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than two minutes.
10. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
-Dan
- #323
- 2,021
- 796
A pessimist, and optimist, and an engineer were having breakfast together. They all had their glasses half full of whatever they were drinking when they stopped to look at them.
The pessimist says, "My glass is half empty."
The optimist says, "My glass is half full."
The engineer says, "What moron made this glass? It has twice the mass required to hold the fluid!"
-Dan
The pessimist says, "My glass is half empty."
The optimist says, "My glass is half full."
The engineer says, "What moron made this glass? It has twice the mass required to hold the fluid!"
-Dan
- #324
QueenFisher
the twisted logic of my french teacher:
'who agrees with sarah?'
'who doesn't?'
'who can't be bothered to put their hand up?'
worryingly, i was the only one who saw the flaw.
'who agrees with sarah?'
'who doesn't?'
'who can't be bothered to put their hand up?'
worryingly, i was the only one who saw the flaw.
- #325
- 2,021
- 796
QueenFisher said:
You know I once asked my 7 AM class to put their hands up if they were sleeping. Only two students raised their hands!
-Dan
- #326
neutrino
- 2,094
- 2
A physicist, an engineer, a mathematician, and an accountant attend an interview for a job.
Interviewer: What's 2+2?
Phy: It's 4 +/- 0.001.
Int: What's 2+2?
Eng: It's 3.99 to a good approximation.
Int: What's 2+2?
Math: I have no idea what 2+2 is, but I do know that a solution exists.
Int: What's 2+2?
Acc: *Looks around to make sure that no one's listening and says* What do you want it to be?
Interviewer: What's 2+2?
Phy: It's 4 +/- 0.001.
Int: What's 2+2?
Eng: It's 3.99 to a good approximation.
Int: What's 2+2?
Math: I have no idea what 2+2 is, but I do know that a solution exists.
Int: What's 2+2?
Acc: *Looks around to make sure that no one's listening and says* What do you want it to be?
- #327
Moonbear
Staff Emeritus
Science Advisor
Gold Member
- 11,923
- 54
I haven't read this thread in a while! I used to get the biggest kick out of peeking in the door during physics exams and watching them all trying to use the right-hand rule...and looking for the one student in the room who is using their left hand to do it! :rofl: (There's always at least one.)Ivan Seeking said:
- #328
BobG
Science Advisor
Homework Helper
- 352
- 87
Understanding Engineers
A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We've been waiting 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golfers!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper, let's ask him."
He said, "Hello, George! What's wrong with the group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We've been waiting 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golfers!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper, let's ask him."
He said, "Hello, George! What's wrong with the group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
- #329
neutrino
- 2,094
- 2
Here's a one-liner...
String Theory
String Theory
- #330
Jeff Ford
- 155
- 2
The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term exam. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The porollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The porollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
- #331
Geographer
- 24
- 0
Not exactly a joke, but I found it funny... especially considering I'm terrible at maths. In fact, this picture gives me some ideas for the next time I'm asked a question like this :tongue: .
- #332
- 8,142
- 1,756
Geographer said:Not exactly a joke, but I found it funny... especially considering I'm terrible at maths. In fact, this picture gives me some ideas for the next time I'm asked a question like this :tongue: .
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
That one caught me off gaurd.
Okay, I've been playing with Linux and the Bash - Bourne again shell. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: That's funny!
Last edited:
- #333
munky99999
- 202
- 0
Geographer said:Not exactly a joke, but I found it funny... especially considering I'm terrible at maths. In fact, this picture gives me some ideas for the next time I'm asked a question like this :tongue: .
lol that's so great. I would have been like here it is. oh and X tells me the answer is 5cm. and never do that pythagorium theorum work.
oh and ill be nice and give you a picture to.
http://img136.imageshack.us/img136/1811/auto0ua.jpg
Last edited by a moderator:
- #334
eax
- 61
- 0
The clothes are in the way :D
- #335
Astronuc
Staff Emeritus
Science Advisor
2023 Award
- 21,911
- 6,338
From somewhere at UMass/Lowell
THE LAST WORD - The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
Activation Energy: The useful quantity of energy available in one cup of coffee.
Atomic Theory: mythological explanation of the nature of matter, first proposed by the ancient Greeks, and now thoroughly discredited by modern computer simulation. Attempts to verify the theory by modern computer simulation have failed. Instead, it has been demonstrated repeatedly that computer outputs depend upon the color of the programmer's eyes, or occasionally upon the month of his or her birth. This apparent astrological connection, at last, vindicates the alchemist's view of astrology as the mother of all science.
Bacon, Roger: An English friar who dabbled in science and made experimentation fashionable. Bacon was the first science popularizer to make it big on the banquet and talk-show circuit, and his books even outsold the fad diets of the period.
Bunsen Burner: device invented by Robert Bunsen (1811-1899) for brewing tea or coffee in the laboratory, thereby enabling the chemist to be poisoned without having to go all the way to the company cafeteria.
Butyl: An unpleasant-sounding word denoting an unpleasant - smelling alcohol.
CAI: Acronym for "Computer-Aided Instruction". The modern system of training professional scientists without ever exposing them to the hazards and expense of laboratory work. Graduates of CAI-based programs are very good at simulated research.
Cavendish: variety of pipe tobacco that is reputed to produce remarkably clear thought processes, and thereby leads to major scientific discoveries; hence, the name of a British research laboratory where the tobacco is smoked in abundance.
Chemical: substance that:
1) An organic chemist turns into a foul odor;
2) an analytical chemist turns into a procedure;
3) a physical chemist turns into a straight line;
4) a biochemist turns into a helix;
5) a chemical engineer turns into a profit.
Chemical Engineering: The practice of doing for a profit what an organic chemist only does for fun.
Chromatography: (From Gr. chromo [color] + graphos [writing]) The practice of submitting manuscripts for publication with the original figures drawn in non-reproducing blue ink.
Clinical Testing: The use of humans as guinea pigs. (See also PHARMACOLOGY and TOXICOLOGY)
Compound: To make worse, as in:
1) fracture;
2) the mutual adulteration of two or more elements.
Computer Resources: The major item of any budget, allowing for the acquisition of any capital equipment that is obsolete before the purchase request is released.
Eigen Function: The use to which an eigen is put.
En: The universal bidentate ligand used by coordination chemists. For years, efforts were made to use ethylene diamine for this purpose, but chemists were unable to squeeze all the letters between the corners of the octahedron diagram. The timely invention of en in 1947 revolutionized the science.
Evaporation Allowance: The volume of alcohol that the graduate students can drink in a year's time.
Exhaustive Methylation: A marathon event in which the participants methylate until they drop from exhaustion.
First Order Reaction: The reaction that occurs first, not always the one desired. For example, the formation of brown gunk in an organic prep.
Flame Test: Trial by fire.
Genetic Engineering: recent attempt to formalize what engineers have been doing informally all along.
Grignard: fictitious class of compounds often found on organic exams and never in real life.
Inorganic Chemistry: That which is left over after the organic, analytical, and physical chemists get through picking over the periodic table.
Mercury: (From L. Mercurius, the swift messenger of the gods) Element No. 80, so named because of the speed of which one of its compounds (calomel, Hg2Cl2) goes through the human digestive tract. The element is perhaps misnamed, because the gods probably would not be pleased by the physiological message so delivered.
Monomer: One mer. (Compare POLYMER).
Natural Product: substance that earns organic chemists fame and glory when they manage to systhesize it with great difficulty, while Nature gets no credit for making it with great ease.
Organic Chemistry: The practice of transmuting vile substances into publications.
Partition Function: The function of a partition is to protect the lab supervisor from shrapnel produced in laboratory explosions.
Pass/Fail: An attempt by professional educators to replace the traditional academic grading system with a binary one that can be handled by a large digital computer.
Pharmacology: The use of rabbits and dogs as guinea pigs. (See also CLINICAL TESTING, TOXICOLOGY).
Physical Chemistry: The pitiful attempt to apply y=mx+b to everything in the universe.
Pilot Plant: modest facility used for confirming design errors before they are built into a costly, full-scale production facility.
Polymer: Many mers. (Compare MONOMERS).
Prelims: (From L. pre [before] + limbo [oblivion]) An obligatory ritual practiced by graduate students just before the granting of a Ph.D. (if the gods are appeased) or an M.S. (if they aren't).
Publish or Perish: The imposed, involuntary choice between fame and oblivion, neither of which is handled gracefully by most faculty members.
Purple Passion: deadly libation prepared by mixing equal volumes of grape juice and lab alcohol.
Quantum Mechanics: crew kept on the payroll to repair quantums, which decay frequently to the ground state.
Rate Equations: (Verb phrase) To give a grade or a ranking to a formula based on its utility and applicability. H=E, for example, applies to everything everywhere, and therefore rates an A. pV=nRT, on the other hand, is good only for nonexistent gases and thus receives only a D+, but this grade can be changed to a B- if enough empirical virial coefficients are added.
Research: (Irregular noun) That which I do for the benefit of humanity, you do for the money, he does to hog all the glory.
Sagan: The international unit of humility.
Scientific Method: The widely held philosophy that a theory can never be proved, only disproved, and that all attempts to explain anything are therefore futile.
SI:Acronym for "Systeme Infernelle".
Spectrophotometry: long word used mainly to intimidate freshman nonmajors.
Spectroscope: disgusting-looking instrument used by medical specialists to probe and examine the spectrum.
Toxicology: The wholesale slaughter of white rats bred especially for that purpose. (See also CLINICAL TESTING, PHARMACOLOGY).
X-Ray Diffraction: An occupational disorder common among physicians, caused by reading X-ray pictures in darkened rooms for prolonged periods. The condition is readily cured by a greater reliance on blood chemistries; the lab results are just as inconclusive as the X-rays, but are easier to read.
Ytterbium: rare and inconsequential element, named after the village of Ytterby, Sweden (not to be confused with Iturbi, the late pianist and film personality, who was actually Spanish, not Swedish). Ytterbium is used mainly to fill block 70 in the periodic table. Iturbi was used mainly to play Jane Powell's father.
--
From the RHF archives as selected by Brad Templeton, Maddi Hausmann and Jim Griffith. This newsgroup posts former jokes from the newsgroup
rec.humor.funny. Visit http://www.netfunny.com/rhf to browse the RHF pages and archives on the web.
THE LAST WORD - The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
Activation Energy: The useful quantity of energy available in one cup of coffee.
Atomic Theory: mythological explanation of the nature of matter, first proposed by the ancient Greeks, and now thoroughly discredited by modern computer simulation. Attempts to verify the theory by modern computer simulation have failed. Instead, it has been demonstrated repeatedly that computer outputs depend upon the color of the programmer's eyes, or occasionally upon the month of his or her birth. This apparent astrological connection, at last, vindicates the alchemist's view of astrology as the mother of all science.
Bacon, Roger: An English friar who dabbled in science and made experimentation fashionable. Bacon was the first science popularizer to make it big on the banquet and talk-show circuit, and his books even outsold the fad diets of the period.
Bunsen Burner: device invented by Robert Bunsen (1811-1899) for brewing tea or coffee in the laboratory, thereby enabling the chemist to be poisoned without having to go all the way to the company cafeteria.
Butyl: An unpleasant-sounding word denoting an unpleasant - smelling alcohol.
CAI: Acronym for "Computer-Aided Instruction". The modern system of training professional scientists without ever exposing them to the hazards and expense of laboratory work. Graduates of CAI-based programs are very good at simulated research.
Cavendish: variety of pipe tobacco that is reputed to produce remarkably clear thought processes, and thereby leads to major scientific discoveries; hence, the name of a British research laboratory where the tobacco is smoked in abundance.
Chemical: substance that:
1) An organic chemist turns into a foul odor;
2) an analytical chemist turns into a procedure;
3) a physical chemist turns into a straight line;
4) a biochemist turns into a helix;
5) a chemical engineer turns into a profit.
Chemical Engineering: The practice of doing for a profit what an organic chemist only does for fun.
Chromatography: (From Gr. chromo [color] + graphos [writing]) The practice of submitting manuscripts for publication with the original figures drawn in non-reproducing blue ink.
Clinical Testing: The use of humans as guinea pigs. (See also PHARMACOLOGY and TOXICOLOGY)
Compound: To make worse, as in:
1) fracture;
2) the mutual adulteration of two or more elements.
Computer Resources: The major item of any budget, allowing for the acquisition of any capital equipment that is obsolete before the purchase request is released.
Eigen Function: The use to which an eigen is put.
En: The universal bidentate ligand used by coordination chemists. For years, efforts were made to use ethylene diamine for this purpose, but chemists were unable to squeeze all the letters between the corners of the octahedron diagram. The timely invention of en in 1947 revolutionized the science.
Evaporation Allowance: The volume of alcohol that the graduate students can drink in a year's time.
Exhaustive Methylation: A marathon event in which the participants methylate until they drop from exhaustion.
First Order Reaction: The reaction that occurs first, not always the one desired. For example, the formation of brown gunk in an organic prep.
Flame Test: Trial by fire.
Genetic Engineering: recent attempt to formalize what engineers have been doing informally all along.
Grignard: fictitious class of compounds often found on organic exams and never in real life.
Inorganic Chemistry: That which is left over after the organic, analytical, and physical chemists get through picking over the periodic table.
Mercury: (From L. Mercurius, the swift messenger of the gods) Element No. 80, so named because of the speed of which one of its compounds (calomel, Hg2Cl2) goes through the human digestive tract. The element is perhaps misnamed, because the gods probably would not be pleased by the physiological message so delivered.
Monomer: One mer. (Compare POLYMER).
Natural Product: substance that earns organic chemists fame and glory when they manage to systhesize it with great difficulty, while Nature gets no credit for making it with great ease.
Organic Chemistry: The practice of transmuting vile substances into publications.
Partition Function: The function of a partition is to protect the lab supervisor from shrapnel produced in laboratory explosions.
Pass/Fail: An attempt by professional educators to replace the traditional academic grading system with a binary one that can be handled by a large digital computer.
Pharmacology: The use of rabbits and dogs as guinea pigs. (See also CLINICAL TESTING, TOXICOLOGY).
Physical Chemistry: The pitiful attempt to apply y=mx+b to everything in the universe.
Pilot Plant: modest facility used for confirming design errors before they are built into a costly, full-scale production facility.
Polymer: Many mers. (Compare MONOMERS).
Prelims: (From L. pre [before] + limbo [oblivion]) An obligatory ritual practiced by graduate students just before the granting of a Ph.D. (if the gods are appeased) or an M.S. (if they aren't).
Publish or Perish: The imposed, involuntary choice between fame and oblivion, neither of which is handled gracefully by most faculty members.
Purple Passion: deadly libation prepared by mixing equal volumes of grape juice and lab alcohol.
Quantum Mechanics: crew kept on the payroll to repair quantums, which decay frequently to the ground state.
Rate Equations: (Verb phrase) To give a grade or a ranking to a formula based on its utility and applicability. H=E, for example, applies to everything everywhere, and therefore rates an A. pV=nRT, on the other hand, is good only for nonexistent gases and thus receives only a D+, but this grade can be changed to a B- if enough empirical virial coefficients are added.
Research: (Irregular noun) That which I do for the benefit of humanity, you do for the money, he does to hog all the glory.
Sagan: The international unit of humility.
Scientific Method: The widely held philosophy that a theory can never be proved, only disproved, and that all attempts to explain anything are therefore futile.
SI:Acronym for "Systeme Infernelle".
Spectrophotometry: long word used mainly to intimidate freshman nonmajors.
Spectroscope: disgusting-looking instrument used by medical specialists to probe and examine the spectrum.
Toxicology: The wholesale slaughter of white rats bred especially for that purpose. (See also CLINICAL TESTING, PHARMACOLOGY).
X-Ray Diffraction: An occupational disorder common among physicians, caused by reading X-ray pictures in darkened rooms for prolonged periods. The condition is readily cured by a greater reliance on blood chemistries; the lab results are just as inconclusive as the X-rays, but are easier to read.
Ytterbium: rare and inconsequential element, named after the village of Ytterby, Sweden (not to be confused with Iturbi, the late pianist and film personality, who was actually Spanish, not Swedish). Ytterbium is used mainly to fill block 70 in the periodic table. Iturbi was used mainly to play Jane Powell's father.
--
From the RHF archives as selected by Brad Templeton, Maddi Hausmann and Jim Griffith. This newsgroup posts former jokes from the newsgroup
rec.humor.funny. Visit http://www.netfunny.com/rhf to browse the RHF pages and archives on the web.
- #336
Atomos
- 165
- 0
What was the war between physicists in the early 20th century? The Bohr War
- #337
howtothinklikegod
- 2
- 0
Atomos, that was one bohring joke. God, I love science jokes. They amuse me. I think scientists need them once a day. They definitely need a lot of humor. They're too serious.
- #338
howtothinklikegod
- 2
- 0
Okay. I think here is one joke I really find amusing. To everyone, I hope you will all laugh.
What is matter? Never mind.
What is mind? No matter.
Hahahahaha! Human stupidity again! Have fun, everybody
What is matter? Never mind.
What is mind? No matter.
Hahahahaha! Human stupidity again! Have fun, everybody
- #339
Rach3
howtothinklikegod said:Okay. I think here is one joke I really find amusing. To everyone, I hope you will all laugh.
What is matter? Never mind.
What is mind? No matter.
Hahahahaha! Human stupidity again! Have fun, everybody
Simpsons! .
- #340
Hammie
- 111
- 0
A Physicist, trying to excuse his lateness for dinner due to extracurricular activities calls his wife:
"Sorry honey, traffic is brutal. I've been stuck on the Amperian loop all day, and can't find the exit.."
"Sorry honey, traffic is brutal. I've been stuck on the Amperian loop all day, and can't find the exit.."
- #341
Rach3
Hilarious stuff at Cosmic Variance!
http://cosmicvariance.com/2006/02/13/bad-physics-jokes/#more-644
http://cosmicvariance.com/2006/02/13/bad-physics-jokes/#more-644
- #342
matthyaouw
Gold Member
- 1,125
- 5
Useful Metric Conversions...
* 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
* 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
* 10 cards = 1 decacards
* 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
* 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
* 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
* 10 rations = 1 decoration
* 10 millipedes = 1 centipede
* 3 1/3 tridents = 1 decadent
* 2 monograms = 1 diagram
* 2 wharves = 1 paradox
* 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
* 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
* 10 cards = 1 decacards
* 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
* 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
* 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
* 10 rations = 1 decoration
* 10 millipedes = 1 centipede
* 3 1/3 tridents = 1 decadent
* 2 monograms = 1 diagram
* 2 wharves = 1 paradox
- #343
Rach3
Um, no, that would be a phone.matthyaouw said:
I thought it was two ducks.
- #344
ubavontuba
- 167
- 0
Silly physics jokes
Forum, what silly physics jokes do you know? Here's one:
Q: What did the photon say to the electron?
A: Nothing, it just waved!
ha-ha-ha-ha!:rofl:
Forum, what silly physics jokes do you know? Here's one:
Q: What did the photon say to the electron?
A: Nothing, it just waved!
ha-ha-ha-ha!:rofl:
- #345
matt.o
- 390
- 0
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The barman pours the beer, gives it to the neutron and the neutron says "How much is that?". The barman says "For you, no charge."
- #346
Astronuc
Staff Emeritus
Science Advisor
2023 Award
- 21,911
- 6,338
Finagle's Laws
http://www.eecis.udel.edu/~mader/delta/deltoidslist/1998-06/msg00121.html
http://www.eecis.udel.edu/~mader/delta/deltoidslist/1998-06/msg00121.html
- #347
heartless
- 220
- 2
The Devil said to Daniel Webster: "Set me a task I can't carry out, and I'll give you anything in the world you ask for."
Daniel Webster: "Fair enough. Prove that for n greater than 2, the equation a^n + b^n = c^n has no non-trivial solution in the integers."
They agreed on a three-day period for the labor, and the Devil disappeared.
At the end of three days, the Devil presented himself, haggard, jumpy, biting his lip. Daniel Webster said to him, "Well, how did you do at my task? Did you prove the theorem?'
"Eh? No . . . no, I haven't proved it."
"Then I can have whatever I ask for? Money? The Presidency?'
"What? Oh, that—of course. But listen! If we could just prove the following two lemmas--"
----------------From Mathematical Magpie by Clifton Fadiman
It may not be funny anymore because FLT was already proven, and it's not a practical joke, but I found it really funny.
Daniel Webster: "Fair enough. Prove that for n greater than 2, the equation a^n + b^n = c^n has no non-trivial solution in the integers."
They agreed on a three-day period for the labor, and the Devil disappeared.
At the end of three days, the Devil presented himself, haggard, jumpy, biting his lip. Daniel Webster said to him, "Well, how did you do at my task? Did you prove the theorem?'
"Eh? No . . . no, I haven't proved it."
"Then I can have whatever I ask for? Money? The Presidency?'
"What? Oh, that—of course. But listen! If we could just prove the following two lemmas--"
----------------From Mathematical Magpie by Clifton Fadiman
It may not be funny anymore because FLT was already proven, and it's not a practical joke, but I found it really funny.
- #348
franznietzsche
- 1,504
- 6
Astronuc said:
You forgot Finagle's Theorem, the ultimate problem solving technique that solves any math problem in two steps.
1) Multiply by zero.
2) Add the right answer.
- #349
rocketboy
- 243
- 1
franznietzsche said:
I always thought the second step was look it up in the back of the textbook.
- #350
Hammie
- 111
- 0
Then there's always Fudd's first law of opposition:
If you push something hard enough, it will fall over.
Anybody who gets the reference to this may have a few issues..
If you push something hard enough, it will fall over.
Anybody who gets the reference to this may have a few issues..
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