Science Humor: A Wide Selection

[deferro]

On wall of Lab:

"Heisenberg didn't know his L from his S"

 

[mabs239]

Teacher : What's 7Q + 3Q ?
Student: 10Q
Teacher: haha. Your welcome.

If the student were Chinese, he also could say "You'r welcome" ;)

3Q

3 is San in Hanyu. 3Q is famous replacement for thankyou in Chinese chats.

 

[deferro]

Assume:

h = humor; c = cheery; G = good grief...

to calculate what Einstein thought was so amusing about his "big mistake".

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

3 is San in Hanyu. 3Q is famous replacement for thankyou in Chinese chats.

In Japanese also 3 is san and level is kyu, so third level is san kyu, which is the same as they pronounce thank you.

 

[Manchot]

Just heard this one on American Dad. I thought that it was surprisingly accurate, given all of the popular misconceptions about the uncertainty principle:

"Heisenberg's wife was upset because when he had the time, he didn't have the energy, and when he had the position, he didn't have the momentum."

 

[mabs239]

We used to present it to our friends in the school. A funny poem which seems to be pleasant remarks until one completes reading it. Some people can not guess the meanings even then. Translated to English from my native language.

Rose you rose
Rose are rose
Rose a rose
Rose dirty rose
Rose boy rose

 

[drizzle]

We used to present it to our friends in the school. A funny poem which seems to be pleasant remarks until one completes reading it. Some people can not guess the meanings even then. Translated to English from my native language.

Rose you rose
Rose are rose
Rose a rose
Rose dirty rose
Rose boy rose

haahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

that's a dirty one

 

[John37]

Ok there were some good ones there ,but this will be the worst ever
1+1 = 41
see your in shock it's so good

 

[BobG]

http://xkcd.com/21/

 

[DaveC426913]

Ok there were some good ones there ,but this will be the worst ever
1+1 = 41
see your in shock it's so good

Has your cheese slipped off its cracker?

 

[davee123]

The difference between engineers and mathematicians:

An engineer was given the problem of removing two nails from a piece of wood. One of the nails had been hammered all the way in, while the other was slightly protruding. So the engineer first pulled out the protruding nail without much difficulty. Then, he dug in with his fingernails and slowly pulled out the second nail, taking far longer.

Next, a mathematician was given the same problem. The mathematician started with the nail that was pressed all the way into the wood, similarly digging in and slowly making progress until the nail was removed. He then looked at the protruding nail, and said "Oh, that's easy-- I can reduce this to a problem I've already solved!" and started by pushing the protruding nail all the way into the wood.

DaveE

 

[DaveC426913]

A mathematician sits on a bench eating lunch with a friend. Across the street they observe two people walking into a building. A few moments later, they see three people exiting the building.

The mathematician turns to his friend and says "Now, if only a person would re-enter the building, it will once again contain exactly zero people."

 

[Danger]

The difference between engineers and mathematicians:

An engineer was given the problem of removing two nails from a piece of wood. One of the nails had been hammered all the way in, while the other was slightly protruding.

And the difference between me and a real engineer... I'd set the wood on fire. When it burns away, the nails won't be in it.

 

[mabs239]

haahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

that's a dirty one

Sorry, I have messed up the whole thing. You know I am out of the school for a long time. Therefore had to ask from a young lad. Unfortunately the puzzle I translated is not half as interesting as it were in Urdu. "Dirty" is not used in the origional version. Let me see if I can write the oigional one

We used to wrap up the paper so that only one line were visible to the victim. Each line contained flower ---- flower. Middle word to be filled in by the victim with the advise of the "hunter"

پھول میں پھول
پھول جمع پھول
پھول دار پھول
پھول ہوں پھول
Word by Word translation:

Folwer in Flower ("in" looks same as "I, me")
Flower plus flower ("plus" is used as "collector")
Flower"ed" Flower ("Collect in above has been converted to a noun by adding دار)
Flower "am" flower.

Then the paper is unfolded. Victim reads the middle column which translates somewhat like "I am a collector". Funnny part is that the word Collector or جمع دار is used for a sweaper or the person who cleans the gutters.

You may notice that where I used the word dirty, it acutually consits of two words, each having separate and useful meanings in their context. So it decieves much better than the word "dirty". "Dirty is a rather badword also. Moreover the same shape of "in" and "me" keeps the victim unsuspecious.

I don't know how many people do understand Urdu here and can enjoy this joke. Anyway English readers could come up with a better English version, though I am not sure that I have been able to convey the acutual tone.

 

[drizzle]

پھول میں پھول
پھول جمع پھول
پھول دار پھول
پھول ہوں پھول
Word by Word translation:

...

are these Arabic letters? you use them to write Urdu?

 

[Danger]

Victim reads the middle column which translates somewhat like "I am a collector".

This reminds me, in a way, of one that my ex-employer showed me a few years ago. It's a tongue-twister, presented as follows, printed on paper:

Eye
Sofa
King
We
Todd
Did

Just get the victim to try it faster and faster until (if ever) he realizes what he's saying.

 

[drizzle]

Eye
Sofa
King
We
Todd
Did

for how long?

 

[Danger]

for how long?

That depends upon how quick he is.

 

[atyy]

And the difference between me and a real engineer... I'd set the wood on fire. When it burns away, the nails won't be in it.

You see a house on fire, a hose and a hydrant. How would you solve the problem?
Engineer, mathematician: I'd connect the hose to the hydrant and put out the fire.

You see a house on that's not on fire, a hose and a hydrant. How would you solve the problem?
Engineer: I wouldn't do anything, because there's no problem.
Mathematician: I'd set the house on fire, thus reducing it to a problem previously solved.

 

[DaveC426913]

How do you know an Engineer is an extrovert?

Because, when he talks to you, he stares at *your* shoes.

 

[mabs239]

are these Arabic letters? you use them to write Urdu?

Yes. These are arabic alphabets. Howeve Urdu has more alphabets than Arabic and some of the unique Urdu sounds are written with more than one alphabet combiation of arbic.

Danger,

Toung-Twisters jokes have a separate category and there are many more like these in Urdu also.

 

[Danger]

Toung-Twisters jokes have a separate category and there are many more like these in Urdu also.

I'm aware of the difference, mabs. The point here is that this is not a tongue-twister; it's merely presented as one in order to lure the victim in.

 

[ViewsofMars]

I can't stop laughing. It's a science joke that a friend turned me onto, yet there is an element of truth that unfolds in this cartoon that lurks in the back of one's mind when having to debate. (tee-hee) Of course, keeping a cool head while getting the message across is essential. I salute every scientist that manages that feat. You know who I'm talking to.

I've got some catching up elsewhere on physicsforums. Looking forward to tomorrow.

p.s. A little off topic - I have the most spectacular picture I hope to post to the board if I can figure out how to do that. I took a close-up photograph of a dove with her two babies. I was on a ladder day after day and less than six inches from the nest. It was the most awesome experience. Everyday, I was watching them grow. They have flown away now, but the memory is still alive. I miss 'em.

 

[Vals509]

an argument between pi and square root of 2 is going on.
Square root of 2 : be rational man!
Pi : get real!

 

[prysdieheer]

What does a mathematician shout when hitting a golf ball?
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
Square root of 16!

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
In Love
Prys die Heer!

 

[Redbelly98]

an argument between pi and square root of 2 is going on.
Square root of 2 : be rational man!
Pi : get real!

Or was it π and i ?

 

[Redbelly98]

From, among other places, http://www.jumbojoke.com/product_warnings_for_physicists.html

Pretty funny, even if they did get Newton's law of gravitation wrong.

My favorite is the "100% Matter Product" warning.

Product Warnings for Physicists

Warning: This product attracts every other piece of matter in the universe, including the products of other manufacturers, with a force proportional to the product of the masses and inversely proportional to the distance between them.

Handle With Extreme Care: The mass of this product contains the energy equivalent of 85 million tons of TNT per net ounce of weight.

Caution: This product contains minute electrically charged particles moving at velocities in excess of five hundred million miles per hour.

Consumer Notice: Due to the Uncertainty Principle, it is impossible for the consumer to find out at the same time both precisely where this product is and how fast it is moving.

Advisory: There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process known as tunneling, this product may spontaneously disappear from its present location and reappear at any random place in the universe, including your neighbor's domicile. The manufacturer will not be responsible for any damages or inconvenience that may result.

Read This Before Opening Package: According to certain suggested versions of the Grand Unified Theory, the primary particles constituting this product may decay to nothingness within the next four hundred million years.

This Is a 100% Matter Product: In the unlikely event that this merchandise should contact antimatter in any form, a catastrophic explosion will result.

Public Notice as Required by Law: Any use of this product, in any manner whatsoever, will increase the amount of disorder in the universe. although no liability is implied herein, the consumer is warned that this process will ultimately lead to the heat death of the universe.

Note: The most fundamental particles in this product are held together by a "gluing" force about which little is currently known and whose adhesive power can therefore not be permanently guaranteed.

Attention: Despite any other listing of product contents found hereon, the consumer is advised that, in actuality, this product consists of 99.9999999999% empty space.

Please Note: Some quantum physics theories suggest that when the consumer is not directly observing this product, it may cease to exist or will exist only in a vague and undetermined state.

Component Equivalency Notice: The subatomic particles (electrons, protons, etc.) comprising this product are exactly the same in every measurable respect as those used in the products of other manufacturers, and no claim to the contrary may legitimately be expressed or implied.

Health Warning: Care should be taken when lifting this product, since its weight is dependent on its velocity relative to the user.

Important Notice to Purchasers: The entire physical universe, including this product, may one day collapse back into an infinitesimally small space. should another universe subsequently re-emerge, the existence of this product in that universe cannot be guaranteed.

 

[Danger]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Atmospheric scientists do it at a bar.

 

[humanino]

I'm sure many of the PFers are quite interested in archaeology.

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

In the weeks that followed, not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, a California archaeologist dug to a depth of 200 feet, and shortly after a story in the LA Times read: "California archaeologists, finding traces of 200 year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers."

One week later, the Escanaba Daily Press, a local newspaper in Upper Michigan, reported the following: "After digging over 300 feet in his pasture, Ole Olson, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he'd found absolutely nothing. Ole has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Upper Michigan had already gone wireless."
.
credit
Andrew Heller | The Flint Journal February 06, 2009

 

[Ivan Seeking]

It turns out that plug-in hybrids do not make sense after all. Given a range of thirty miles, the price of the extension cord is ridiculous!

 

[humanino]

Best typo so far in "High Energy, Nuclear, Particle Physics"
[thread=330145]quantum chronodynamics[/thread]

 

[Kaimyn]

Why don't mathermaticians make good quantum physicists?
Because they always stop at Quantum ElectroDynamics!

Ahh, that one will be worth it for the ones who get it...
Or, then again, maybe not...

 

[sylas]

Why was Heisenburg's wife depressed?

Because when he had the time, he didn't have the energy; and when he had the position, he didn't have the momentum.

 

[QuantumED]

Sad Homework excuses.
Teacher, I don't have my homework, as due to Heisenburg's uncertainty principle, I know its speed, which is x m/s, but I don't know its location.

Teacher, I don't have my homework, as due to uncertain nature of reality, it promptly vanished into the mouth of a Canis Familiaris.

______________________________________
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