Conflicted Feelings: Moving On from High School

[-Job-]

What's with the "f'ing pervert!" thing? Is that how girls react to this data nowadays?

 

[mattmns]

Yeah that is a weird reaction. Sounds like something a 5th grade girl would say. How old are you?

 

[Moonbear]

Some guys like it when the girl comes onto them.
Personally just about every girl I have dated came after me. I've found that most girls that are interested in me will come after me and just about every girl that I go after is not interested. As a result I very rarely try to pick up on girls anymore. My last serious girlfriend was actually really bothered when I told her that had she not made a move on me I probably would not have made one on her. I also told her that looking back on it the only reason I think I was so comfortable with her during the "courting" stage was that I thought she was so amazing a woman that she would never really be interested in me. I assumed that she would just think I was a nice guy and we would wind up friends so the pressure was never there. In the end I was right and I never really was what she wanted, she just thought I was.

Unfortunately, I haven't had the same experience...when I ask guys out, it seems to put them off. But, I think it's more of a meeting halfway thing...a guy won't want to ask a woman out if she's not showing ANY interest in him, but if she pretty much does everything BUT do the asking, then it's clear he can ask if interested. Actually, all that guy at the club had to do was move a little closer while I was facing him dancing and we'd have been dancing together. I think he was thinking of it and got scared off when that other guy started dancing with me. I would have loved for him to cut in and "rescue" me from the sharks.

 

[rocketboy]

WHY? Why did i have to mess it up?

Ok, now that I've calmed down I can get this out. I guess it's not HORRIBLE but I am pretty dissapointed in myself.

So first of all, I like this girl named Brittany. We've been planning on getting together for quite awhile, and finally tonight we were both free, so I invited her skating on the Ottawa Canal. (Worlds longest skating rink). So I picked her up at 7, and we went. I ended up parking about a 25 minute walk from the canal, but that's irrelevant. So we get to the canal, put on our skates, and go skating. It was a really great time, we talked, laughed, flirted (both ways) and had a lot of fun. By the end of the skate we were holding hands, and on the walk back to the car we had our arms around each other.

It was all going perfectly.

Then I drive her home, and in the driveway I go to kiss her, but it turns into me just hugging her. Now that wouldn't be so bad, but when I hugged her I heard teh sound of her lips makin the "smooch" where my lips SHOULD have been...

Now what is she going to think? Girls like guys with confidence, guys who make the move and DON"T **** it up. I would kill to know what she is thinking right now. Probably something like "why didn't he want to kiss me?"

i need advice...i really like her...god, her looks, her smell, her personality...and i know she likes me because her little sister stole the phone when she was away from it and told me so. grrrrrrrrr...

 

[Moonbear]

Having said that, let me offer one more piece of advise. Never, ever, ever go out with a someone who will cheat on their current SO to be with you. They will end up cheating on you at some later time. I've walked down that road more times than I care to admit and it always ends in tears.

This is a tough call. A lot of people tend to hedge their bets and start dating someone new before they've dumped the previous person...sort of checking that the new one is really worth leaving the old one for. I guess it depends on what you call cheating and whether there's any physical intimacy involved. But, it seems the advice being given is reasonable. Take it slow. If she's interested and leaves the other guy, great, and if she doesn't, then you haven't done anything to embarrass yourself or make it awkward to just be friends if that's all she intended.

 

[Moonbear]

Ok, now that I've calmed down I can get this out. I guess it's not HORRIBLE but I am pretty dissapointed in myself.
So first of all, I like this girl named Brittany. We've been planning on getting together for quite awhile, and finally tonight we were both free, so I invited her skating on the Ottawa Canal. (Worlds longest skating rink). So I picked her up at 7, and we went. I ended up parking about a 25 minute walk from the canal, but that's irrelevant. So we get to the canal, put on our skates, and go skating. It was a really great time, we talked, laughed, flirted (both ways) and had a lot of fun. By the end of the skate we were holding hands, and on the walk back to the car we had our arms around each other.
It was all going perfectly.
Then I drive her home, and in the driveway I go to kiss her, but it turns into me just hugging her. Now that wouldn't be so bad, but when I hugged her I heard teh sound of her lips makin the "smooch" where my lips SHOULD have been...
Now what is she going to think? Girls like guys with confidence, guys who make the move and DON"T **** it up. I would kill to know what she is thinking right now. Probably something like "why didn't he want to kiss me?"
i need advice...i really like her...god, her looks, her smell, her personality...and i know she likes me because her little sister stole the phone when she was away from it and told me so. grrrrrrrrr...

Oh, that sounds like a wonderful date! Nothing wrong with a hug rather than being too forward and kissing in case that's not what she wanted. Now you know she did want the kiss, so...call back right away and ask for another date! It sounds like it went well and if she has any doubts, calling her and asking for a second date will get rid of them. And, you can kiss her on the second date. For future reference, the best approach at the end of a first date, when you're not entirely sure if you should kiss or not is to simply ask, "May I have a goodnight kiss?" If she isn't ready for a kiss, she'll offer, "How about a hug?" and if she does want the kiss, you'll get one. Heck, she might have even found it more endearing that you weren't too forward and a kiss on the cheek was appropriate for a first date.

 

[dicerandom]

This is a tough call. A lot of people tend to hedge their bets and start dating someone new before they've dumped the previous person...sort of checking that the new one is really worth leaving the old one for.

See, I don't subscribe to that practice. Call me old fashioned. That's not what I meant by cheating though, hanging out and going out to dinner or lunch is simply that as far as I'm concerned. If the intention is to 'scope out new ground,' however, that is dishonest towards your SO at the very least.

I guess it depends on what you call cheating and whether there's any physical intimacy involved.

Sorry, I should have mentioned that when writing that I most certainly had physical intimacy in mind.

 

[___]

Well jeez, what if she likes you? And you kept telling her no no no.

Her behavior says "No", so does her "f'ing pervert"

Your friends suck. Why'd they do that?
Jade is a nice name. Where are you?

Guam USA.

How old are you?

14
And by the way, there are 2 girls waiting in line for me, which are better than Jade.

 

[The_Professional]

Ok, now that I've calmed down I can get this out. I guess it's not HORRIBLE but I am pretty dissapointed in myself.
So first of all, I like this girl named Brittany. We've been planning on getting together for quite awhile, and finally tonight we were both free, so I invited her skating on the Ottawa Canal. (Worlds longest skating rink). So I picked her up at 7, and we went. I ended up parking about a 25 minute walk from the canal, but that's irrelevant. So we get to the canal, put on our skates, and go skating. It was a really great time, we talked, laughed, flirted (both ways) and had a lot of fun. By the end of the skate we were holding hands, and on the walk back to the car we had our arms around each other.
It was all going perfectly.
Then I drive her home, and in the driveway I go to kiss her, but it turns into me just hugging her. Now that wouldn't be so bad, but when I hugged her I heard teh sound of her lips makin the "smooch" where my lips SHOULD have been... :cry

The Proper Execution Of The First Kiss

Don't try to justify your actions with a compliment. Don't try to excuse or explain what you're about to do. Don't try to motivate her by telling her how much you like her. Don't ask her for permission to kiss her, which she will perceive as weak and begging (unless her Interest Level [degree of love] is off the chart from the get-go).

Remember, the classic male archetype of women's romantic fantasies is "The strong silent type." As my Uncle Jethro Love used to say, "You can't wind up saying something that lowers her Interest Level or her comfort level if you simply don't speak at all, now can you?" So be Mr. Nike, and without a word -- just do it.

 

[Astronuc]

rocketboy, go with Moonbear's advice! Set up another date.

The first time I kissed my wife (on our first date, well before we got married), I asked her permission. I simply asked, "may I kiss you". This was after I walked her to the door of her apartment. She said yes, we kissed, and I nearly fell down the stairs. It was a really nice kiss.

We were engaged 3 months later, and got married a year after that.

 

[rocketboy]

Thanks guys, I had no intention of forgetting her, so I'll definitely be setting up another date!

Now, any ideas for the next date? There's always dinner/movie, but I want to do something original, something special.

 

[russ_watters]

A little late, but...

I sent him all the signals...

If you didn't send him all http://www.boatsafe.com/nauticalknowhow/distress.htm" signals, then you didn't send him all the signals. Specifically, did you send him the 3rd one down on the right? That one is quite versatile.

 

[Moonbear]

A little late, but... If you didn't send him all http://www.boatsafe.com/nauticalknowhow/distress.htm" signals, then you didn't send him all the signals. Specifically, did you send him the 3rd one down on the right? That one is quite versatile.

I guess I missed a few. I guess that explains my lack of dates...I keep forgetting the best approach with men is to club them over the head and drag them home with you, and even then some aren't quite sure if you're interested.

 

[Moonbear]

The first time I kissed my wife (on our first date, well before we got married), I asked her permission. I simply asked, "may I kiss you". This was after I walked her to the door of her apartment. She said yes, we kissed, and I nearly fell down the stairs. It was a really nice kiss.

Yes, all the dates I have had that have gone well were ended by the guy asking permission before getting the kiss. If it went well, she's not going to refuse the kiss, but if things are iffy, showing you respect her enough to ask permission rather than just go for it can help sway her affection your way. Well, there was one exception...I met a guy at a hotel (we were both staying there for a wedding...he was friends with the groom and I was friends with the bride), so after hanging out all night, and my refusal to return to his room with him...I had just met him that night...we said goodnight in the elevator as I got off for my floor and he kept going...as I was fumbling with the key to my room, he came racing down the stairwell, all out of breath, and panted, "I forgot to ask for a goodnight kiss." He got one and we ended up dating for a long time. So, all is not lost if you even end up doing something goofy like forgetting a kiss and then running back for one.

 

[GeorginaS]

"I forgot to ask..." Wow, how endearing is that?

All of this shouldn't be this confusing, but it sure seems that it is.

 

[Evo]

I think asking for a kiss is nice. It's been so long since I was on a date I don't remember if I ever had anyone ask. I do know the last guy I dated didn't ask, we were in a very busy public place and it got us some applause.

 

[Astronuc]

I was pretty inept at body language and receiving signals. So rather than leave it to chance, I simply asked. Well, anyway, I didn't have to worry about it after that, since I ending up marrying her.

I mean even when one girl kept coming up to me, throwing her arms around me, just about sucking the wind out me, I still wasn't sure about what she wanted. As far as I knew, she had a boyfriend, but their relationship was shaky. Perhaps she figured I was safe.

I never could tell if a girl was looking at me because she was interested or if she just happened, like so many others in the general population, are looking at my beard, and then long hair and rather shabby dress. I preferred bare-feet, T-shirt and blue jeans.

 

[rocketboy]

I'm just wondering about the whole "asking for a kiss" thing. Girls, when guys ask you for a kiss does it ever come off ass them lacking confidence or being inexperienced or, anything like that? I mean, I don't think I've ever asked a girl for a kiss before, I've always just gone ahead and done it, and usually it works out. But lately (ie last night) I wasn't able to "just do it" for some strange reason. Perhaps it's because I really care about this girl and don't see her as just another make-out session? I don't know to tell you the truth...lol, so confusing

 

[Evo]

I'm just wondering about the whole "asking for a kiss" thing. Girls, when guys ask you for a kiss does it ever come off ass them lacking confidence or being inexperienced or, anything like that? I mean, I don't think I've ever asked a girl for a kiss before, I've always just gone ahead and done it, and usually it works out. But lately (ie last night) I wasn't able to "just do it" for some strange reason. Perhaps it's because I really care about this girl and don't see her as just another make-out session? I don't know to tell you the truth...lol, so confusing

Unles you're totally clueless, you "know" if a kiss is expected. I think that's sweet that you hugged her instead. Of course she probably went inside and cried her eyes out, or made a voodoo doll of you, or both because she was expecting a kiss and now she's wondering what went wrong.

Makes me remember that old mouthwash commercial "a handshake instead of a kiss".

 

[Astronuc]

I'm just wondering about the whole "asking for a kiss" thing. Girls, when guys ask you for a kiss does it ever come off ass them lacking confidence or being inexperienced or, anything like that? I mean, I don't think I've ever asked a girl for a kiss before, I've always just gone ahead and done it, and usually it works out. But lately (ie last night) I wasn't able to "just do it" for some strange reason. Perhaps it's because I really care about this girl and don't see her as just another make-out session? I don't know to tell you the truth...lol, so confusing

I was reading your original problem statement, and trying to figure out how you ended up hugging while she seemed, according to you, making a kissing sound, which is a way to kiss, but not intimately. There are very special women friends (friends of my wife and me) whom I have known for years. When my wife and I greet them, I will give an embrace and a kiss on the cheek. That is a special, but not intimate greeting. I do the same with my sister, mother, aunts, etc.

Now, as for this young lady, you have several options:

1. you could bring it up in a phone conversation that you wanted to kiss here but you were unsure, or that you didn't want to impose on her (which hopefully would be a truthful statement),

2. when you pick her up for the next date, you could tell her that you forgot something the last time, and then kiss her (but maybe that is too bold), or you could ask to kiss her ( but ask first),

3. you could go on your next date, and wait to kiss her at the end (but ASK her first).

You may be the first guy that ever asked her. That will make an impression.

In human relationships, one of the most important factors is -
COMMUNICATION!

Asking a woman's permission to kiss her is simply a matter of respect and due consideration. If she yes, then great, if not, don't feel bad about it.

 

[Moonbear]

I'm just wondering about the whole "asking for a kiss" thing. Girls, when guys ask you for a kiss does it ever come off ass them lacking confidence or being inexperienced or, anything like that? I mean, I don't think I've ever asked a girl for a kiss before, I've always just gone ahead and done it, and usually it works out. But lately (ie last night) I wasn't able to "just do it" for some strange reason. Perhaps it's because I really care about this girl and don't see her as just another make-out session? I don't know to tell you the truth...lol, so confusing

I've always appreciated it when asked, and it never came across as lacking confidence. On the contrary, it came across as very considerate. I've gotten more of the sense of inexperience when a guy just dives in for a kiss without asking first. I think it takes more self-confidence to ask than to just do it without asking, because when you ask, you risk getting a "no" as the answer (which isn't going to happen unless some wires have gotten majorly crossed in your communication with her). Your instinct might be just right...this time might have been more special and you have more respect for this woman, so hesitated to just force a kiss on her.

I think you might do well to take one of Astronuc's suggestions for the second date. Perhaps as you're arriving at the location of your next date, before getting out of the car, you could say something like, "There's something I forgot to ask you last night that I can't stop thinking about." She'll ask you what that is, and you build up the suspense a bit that way. Then you answer with, "I forgot to ask if I could have a good night kiss." (If you want, you can add a compliment in there, so something like, "I was so flustered by your beauty, I forgot to ask..." or, "I had such a great time with you, I can't believe I forgot to ask..." Hopefully she'll laugh or blush. Now, you have to look her directly in the eye (this is the key to appearing confident) as you ask, "May I kiss you now?"

Of course, the great thing about those first kisses is that once it's accomplished, more follow. :shy: Aww...now this thread has me all nostalgic about first kisses.

 

[rocketboy]

I was reading your original problem statement, and trying to figure out how you ended up hugging while she seemed, according to you, making a kissing sound, which is a way to kiss, but not intimately.

I'm trying to figure out the same thing.

I heard the kissing sound just as I hugged her, as if I went to kiss her, and she responded by going to kiss me, and then I changed into a hug last second, probably because I didn't want her to think I was being to forward/bold.

So I have gathered that I must make a second date with her, and I think I'll just see how things go.

Any suggestions on where to take her? I am horrible at planning dates...the only reason I was able to successfully plan this one is that she told me "hey, I heard the canal is finally open for skating..." It was the clearest hint ever to come out of a female mouth. (No offense to anyone).

 

[Evo]

Perhaps as you're arriving at the location of your next date, before getting out of the car, you could say something like, "There's something I forgot to ask you last night that I can't stop thinking about." She'll ask you what that is, and you build up the suspense a bit that way. Then you answer with, "I forgot to ask if I could have a good night kiss." (If you want, you can add a compliment in there, so something like, "I was so flustered by your beauty, I forgot to ask..." or, "I had such a great time with you, I can't believe I forgot to ask..."

I think she knew he was going in for a kiss, but something happened, so he needs to be honest. Just tell her that you intended to give her a kiss, but it suddenly dawned on you that you saw more in her than other girls you've dated and the realization startled you, but it didn't mean that you didn't want to kiss her. Damn, that would work on me. :!)

 

[Evo]

Oh, too funny, a dear friend of mine that stalks these forums just pm'd me and asked for a handshake. (I guess I need mouthwash)

 

[rocketboy]

I think she knew he was going in for a kiss, but something happened, so he needs to be honest. Just tell her that you intended to give her a kiss, but it suddenly dawned on you that you saw more in her than other girls you've dated and the realization startled you, but it didn't mean that you didn't want to kiss her. Damn, that would work on me. :!)

You are amazing. That's brilliant Evo. It tells her that I appreciate her, and it shows that I care for her, and it explains it all in a very affectionate manner.

 

[Moonbear]

Yep, that should work.

 

[Astronuc]

You [Evo] are amazing. That's brilliant Evo.

Yes she is! Actually both Moonbear and Evo are two of the greatest women you will ever meet. Have you met the other PF Sisters yet? They are also pretty exceptional too!

 

[GeorginaS]

Mbear rocks, no question there. It appears Evo's pretty serious herownself.

Now you've got me thinking about first kisses, Mbear. It's been over 15 years since my last first kiss. I wonder how my next one will turn out.

Rocketboy, what about a trip to the art gallery and then an early dinner. You can pick someplace downtown and take a leisurely walk to where you're going. Maybe something in the Market area. Mbear's familiar with the territory, maybe she can offer some ideas. But I like the art gallery notion a) because the Ottawa art gallery is seriously cool and it gives tons of conversation fodder, plus b) it's downtown with a zillion options surrounding it.

Where on Earth did you park, anyway, that you had to walk 25 minutes to get to the Rideau Canal? Were you past Dow's Lake or in Nepean or something? (I'm teasing.)

 

[Moonbear]

Ottawa has wonderful museums! The Museum of Civilization is fun too, though I was there in the summer, so it was nice walking around outside it too (and watching all the folks there taking wedding photos made it a rather romantic setting that's likely to put anyone in the mood for kisses). I've heard of the skating on the Canal, but it was quite liquid while I was there. Beautiful, beautiful city. You should be able to find plenty of things to do on a date there.

Don't let G kid you though, the only stuff I know about Ottawa is what she recommended to me...she's my Canadian tour guide.

Oh, there's a fantastic bakery in the Market area...you should stop for some sweets. I just remember being like a kid in a candy shop staring at all the scrumptious desserts on display in there... a big cup of coffee or hot cocoa with some delicious pastries sounds like just the thing on a cold winter's day and will brace you for the walk over to the museum.

Though, as I recall, there's one street of shops that are not appropriate for first or second dates. Better stay away from there until you know her much much better.

25 minutes to the canal...that must have involved hiking up from the university campus!

 

[Mk]

Well, now I know where to go on a date in Canada.

Thanks for the tips guys. Asking is good.

I hate feelings, you have you're own, you try and figure out other people's and what to do to change both of yours!

I think you might do well to take one of Astronuc's suggestions for the second date. Perhaps as you're arriving at the location of your next date, before getting out of the car, you could say something like, "There's something I forgot to ask you last night that I can't stop thinking about." She'll ask you what that is, and you build up the suspense a bit that way. Then you answer with, "I forgot to ask if I could have a good night kiss." (If you want, you can add a compliment in there, so something like, "I was so flustered by your beauty, I forgot to ask..." or, "I had such a great time with you, I can't believe I forgot to ask..." Hopefully she'll laugh or blush. Now, you have to look her directly in the eye (this is the key to appearing confident) as you ask, "May I kiss you now?"
Of course, the great thing about those first kisses is that once it's accomplished, more follow. :shy: Aww...now this thread has me all nostalgic about first kisses.

Oh my god, that's so sweet, its just like a movie.

What does "a good kisser" mean. Is it just how the date went, and how her mind is going?

 

[rocketboy]

Where on Earth did you park, anyway, that you had to walk 25 minutes to get to the Rideau Canal? Were you past Dow's Lake or in Nepean or something? (I'm teasing.)

Lol, you're going to laugh at me, we parked at the experimental farm free parking...yes, past dow's lake. She lives in the south end so I picked her up and came down prince of wales drive (old highway 16 for those of you who know what I mean), because I forgot where the other parking lot was where I parked the previous time I was there.

It worked out though, because we had a very nice walk:!)

Oh, and btw, I've talked to her since and it seems she is still very interested in me, so I'm going to set up that second date soon

Yes, Ottawa is beautiful. I'm thinking the market would be fun, dinner, desert. There's a cake-place called "Memories" in the Market that is really good.

 

[GeorginaS]

Okay, you're right, Rocketboy, I did laugh. You parked at the Experimental Farm? To get to the Rideau Canal? Hee! Yes, it is a nice long walk. It must have been a lovely day out to trek that far.

Walking around that whole area -- lots to explore if she doesn't get downtwon often -- and then landing up in the Market for yummy desserts and coffee. That sounds grand!

I'm glad to hear she's still interested. Courage; you'll get that kiss yet.

 

[rocketboy]

Okay, you're right, Rocketboy, I did laugh. You parked at the Experimental Farm? To get to the Rideau Canal? Hee! Yes, it is a nice long walk. It must have been a lovely day out to trek that far.

Shhhh! You're making me look bad! LOL. Yes it was a lovely night...I don't see how it couldn't have been spending time with her!

 

[Evo]

Shhhh! You're making me look bad! LOL. Yes it was a lovely night...I don't see how it couldn't have been spending time with her!

Oooh, our rocketboy is clever as well.

 

[rocketboy]

Okie dokie, so I have secured a second date with her:!) We're not sure exactly when yet, because we are both busy this week, but it is definate that we are going to do something together soon.

I owe thanks to everyone here that has offered suggestions/moral support!

Btw, is a 1hr 40 min phone convo considered a good sign?

I'll keep you all posted!