Science Humor: A Wide Selection

[DaveC426913]

How awkward. All I want to do is change my notification from instant to daily. But I can't without posting a message...

 

[DaxInvader]

Two atoms are talking to each other...

- I think I lost an electron..
- Are you sure?
- I'm positive.

 

[AlbertEinstein]

I don't know if you have read this but then-
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why did the chicken cross the road?

Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest, chickens in motion tend to cross roads.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends on your frame of reference.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

Wolfgang Pauli: There already was a chicken on this side of the road.

Max Planck..Chicken can only cross road in fixed intervals of time, which are multiples of the fundamental time decided by dist, speed and size of chick...and no other times are allowed.

S. Chandrashekhar : Whether the chicken actually crossed the road can only be told by weighing it first and putting an upper limit to the mass in the integral of the road.

Eddington: Only two ppl on this entire Earth know how the chicken crossed the road. Einstein and me.

Stephen Hawking: we can explain this by moving the video of the motion of the chicken in the backward direction and study the beggining of its motion.

My Physics teacher: I cannot tell u that as it is beyond the scope of ur textbook.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads. This brought such occurrences into being.

The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

jk rowling:some body might have put the chicken under imperious curse.

I:Chicken cross the road since it knew..all above people were watching it and had to comment on it.

 

[ritwik06]

I don't know if you have read this but then-
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why did the chicken cross the road?

Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest, chickens in motion tend to cross roads.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends on your frame of reference.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

Wolfgang Pauli: There already was a chicken on this side of the road.

Max Planck..Chicken can only cross road in fixed intervals of time, which are multiples of the fundamental time decided by dist, speed and size of chick...and no other times are allowed.

S. Chandrashekhar : Whether the chicken actually crossed the road can only be told by weighing it first and putting an upper limit to the mass in the integral of the road.

Eddington: Only two ppl on this entire Earth know how the chicken crossed the road. Einstein and me.

Stephen Hawking: we can explain this by moving the video of the motion of the chicken in the backward direction and study the beggining of its motion.

My Physics teacher: I cannot tell u that as it is beyond the scope of ur textbook.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads. This brought such occurrences into being.

The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

jk rowling:some body might have put the chicken under imperious curse.

I:Chicken cross the road since it knew..all above people were watching it and had to comment on it.

Fantastic. And very true comment about the physics school teacher... Just enjoyed it

 

[DaxInvader]

HAHAHAHA imperious curse...

LOL "Thou shalt cross the road"

Very nice one :P:P

But you forgot one! hahaha

Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy: 42.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

Q. What do you get when a chicken crosses a road?
A. chicken road sin theta.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

How to identify artistic genes: They are prone to self expression.

 

[Danger]

Which reminds me... the only way to tell the sex of a chromosome is to pull down its genes.

 

[MadScientist 1000]

Nerd Comeback...

Yo' mama is so old, she still believes in the luminous aether.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-- Socrates

 

[DaxInvader]

Heres one that is almost as bad as the famous "Why did the chicken crossed the road", and all the answers I found..

Q: How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

1). Ten! One to change the bulb, and nine to argue how their own bulb
gives better colour.

2). None! Astronomers aren't afraid of the dark.

3). See the FAQs
"What sort of light bulb should I buy?"
"Should I start with a candle?"
"Where should I buy my light bulb?"
"Where NOT to buy a light bulb."
"What type of light bulb to avoid?"
"What will I be able to see with my bulb?"
"How do I deal with telescope-pollution?"
"Can I buy a bulb for a friend?"
"Can I use my bulb in the daytime?"

4) FAQ addendums, approximately four pages, each:
"The new microwave pumped plasma lamp vs. a bank of krypton incandescents for solar simulation experiments."
"The red LED flashlight vs. the conventional flashlight with removable red
filter."
"The different light pollution filters and the lights they can filter."
"Directed beams for convincing automatic streetlights that it is daytime."

5) 5
* one to measure it's black body radiation at room tempreature to verify it is totally dead.
* one to lobby government for money to buy another one.
* one to write the environmental impact statement.
* one to record the steps during the change for later publication in
Scientific American.
*one to shell out the money for a new one, because the government turned you down.

6) I thought astronomers used standard candles.

7) One to change the bulb, the other to complain about the light
pollution.

8) Only one, but you have to go to Hawaii to get the really good
bulbs.

9) Three, plus or minus seventy-five.

10) Eight:
1 observational astronomer to measure luminosity and redshift of bulb
1 theoretical astronomer to calculate spherical co-ordinates of bulb
1 departmental head to write to PPARC, for project funds
1 astronomical engineer to design and build the bulb replacing
satellite
1 starling SIG programmer to write satellite control and data reduction
software
1 NASA mission control expert to arrange satellite launch and say
"t-2 go for main engine start..." etc
1 remote observer to manipulate the satellites arm once in elliptical
orbit around light bulb
1 Grad student to act as scapegoat in event of mission failure

11) Four:
A research student to sit around and not learn anything.
His/her supervisor to explain how much harder it was to change light
bulbs when he/she was a research student.
An amateur astronomer to make sure it's a low pressure sodium light
bulb with proper shading to reduce light pollution (right kids!).
Some technical johnny to actual change the light bulb and generally
keep the place running while the astronomers contemplate their NGCs.

12) 10^8, because astronomers love really big numbers !

13) None, they wouldn't change it because it ruins their night vision.

14) What's a light bulb ?

15) Four:
One to actually change the darn thing.
One to operate the CCD camera to measure the number of photons it emits
whilst his friend operates the computer to do the task
And another to complain about how the CCD is out of focus and how the
light bulb actually looks like a polo mint.

16) Infinite

1 says I'm new to this: what bulb should I get?
1 says it won't be a proper bulb unless you make it yourself
1 complains about the price
1 says get it from the US
1 says get it from supersaver BC&F
1 says try 2nd hand as puts the old bulb onto UKAstroAds
1 tries to collimate the overmantle mirror
1 says the infocus rings are oval
1 says collimation is impossible
1 (Tonkin) says it's ridiculously easy
1 goes off in a huff and buys a refractor
1 says he's barmy and should buy an SCT
1 discovers the bulb has already been sold on ebay
1 says there is no lamp - it's all a NASA hoax
50 say #*=£ off Min
1 says I can't see the lamp because of the bloody Moon
1 blocks any change in case the light helps top posters
1 arrives too late because his watch is set to relative time
1 finds gravity interaction of lamp and bulb scrambles his brain
1 (from Selsey) is electrocuted trying to fit a candle
1 actually changes the bulb
1 immediately shoots it with his airgun/laser

and from the top til ready

Off! That took time.. Next time i'll try to remember that Ctlr + C shortcut..

 

[EmilK]

http://www.filehive.com/files/1223/Th.verizon.jpeg

This is the best science joke I've seen all week

 

[arunbg]

Q : How many relativistic physicists does it take tio change a light bulb ?

A : Two. One to hold the bulb in place and the other to turn the universe
around.

 

[Gib Z]

At the physics exam: 'Describe the universe in 200 words and give three examples.' Question:
What do physicists enjoy doing the most at baseball games?

Answer:
The 'wave'.

The Stanford Linear Accelerator Center was known as SLAC, until the big earthquake, when it became known as SPLAC.
SPLAC? Stanford Piecewise Linear Accelerator.

A student recognizes Einstein in a train and asks: Excuse me, professor, but does New York stop by this train?

Researchers in Fairbanks Alaska announced last week that they have discovered a superconductor which will operate at room temperature.

The answer to the problem was 'log(1+x)'. A student copied the answer from the good student next to him, but didn't want to make it obvious that he was cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to 'timber(1+x)'

One day in class, Richard Feynman was talking about angular momentum. He described rotation matrices and mentioned that they did not commute. He said that Sir William Hamilton discovered noncommutivity one night when he was taking a walk in his garden with Lady Hamilton. As they sat down on a bench, there was a moment of passion. It was then that he discovered that AB did not equal BA.

The experimentalist comes running excitedly into the theorist's office, waving a graph taken off his latest experiment. 'Hmmm,' says the theorist, 'That's exactly where you'd expect to see that peak. Here's the reason (long logical explanation follows).' In the middle of it, the experimentalist says 'Wait a minute', studies the chart for a second, and says, 'Oops, this is upside down.' He fixes it. 'Hmmm,' says the theorist, 'you'd expect to see a dip in exactly that position. Here's the reason...'.

A Princeton plasma physicist is at the beach when he discovers an ancient looking oil lantern sticking out of the sand. He rubs the sand off with a towel and a genie pops out. The genie offers to grant him one wish. The physicist retrieves a map of the world from his car an circles the Middle East and tells the genie, 'I wish you to bring peace in this region'.

After 10 long minutes of deliberation, the genie replies, 'Gee, there are lots of problems there with Lebanon, Iraq, Israel, and all those other places. This is awfully embarrassing. I've never had to do this before, but I'm just going to have to ask you for another wish. This one is just too much for me'.

Taken aback, the physicist thinks a bit and asks, 'I wish that the Princeton tokamak would achieve scientific fusion energy break-even.'

After another deliberation the genie asks, 'Could I see that map again?'

What is the difference between a physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician?

If an engineer walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he takes the bucket of water and pours it on the fire and puts it out.

If a physicist walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he takes the bucket of water and pours it eloquently around the fire and let's the fire put itself out.

If a mathematician walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he convinces himself there is a solution and leaves. (credit: Jeremiah Jazdzewski)

An experimental physicist performs an experiment involving two cats, and an inclined tin roof.

The two cats are very nearly identical; same sex, age, weight, breed, eye and hair color.

The physicist places both cats on the roof at the same height and let's them both go at the same time. One of the cats fall off the roof first so obviously there is some difference between the two cats.

What is the difference?

One cat has a greater mew. (credit: Mike Varney)

French physicist Ampere (1775-1836) had two cats, one big and a one small, and he loved them very much. But when the door was closed cats couldn't enter or exit the room. So Ampere ordered two holes to be made in his door: one big for the big cat, and one small for the small cat. (credit: Marga - unverified story)

A psychologist makes an experiment with a mathematician and a physicist. He puts a good-looking, naked woman in a bed in one corner of the room and the mathematician on a chair in another one, and tells him: 'I´ll half the distance between you and the woman every five minutes, and you´re not allowed to stand up.' the mathematician runs away, yelling: 'in that case, I´ll never get to this woman!'. After that, the psychologist takes the physicist and tells him the plan. The physicist starts grinning. the psychologist asks him: 'but you´ll never get to this woman?', the physicists tells him: 'sure, but for all practical things this is a good approximation.' (credit: Thomas Mayer)

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?
To get to the same side. (credit: Tom Gregg)

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Issac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest, chickens in motion tend to cross roads. (credit: Muhammad Ahmed)

A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, 'How much for a beer?' The bartender looks at him, and says 'For you, no charge.'

Two fermions walk into a bar. One orders a drink. The other says 'I'll have what he's having.' (credit: Jeff Nastasi)

Two atoms bump into each other. One says 'I think I lost an electron!' The other asks, 'Are you sure?', to which the first replies, 'I'm positive.'

Renee Descartes walks into a bar, the bartender says 'sir can I get you a martini 'Descartes says 'I don't think...' and he disappears (credit: OCROWLEY101)

Where does bad light end up? Answer: In a prism! (credit: Gary Lisica)

Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says 'Do you know how fast you were going?' Heisenberg says 'No, but I know where I am.'

Why did the chicken cross the road? Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference.

There is this farmer who is having problems with his chickens. All of the sudden, they are all getting very sick and he doesn't know what is wrong with them. After trying all conventional means, he calls a biologist, a chemist, and a physicist to see if they can figure out what is wrong. So the biologist looks at the chickens, examines them a bit, and says he has no clue what could be wrong with them. Then the chemist takes some tests and makes some measurements, but he can't come to any conclusions either. So the physicist tries. He stands there and looks at the chickens for a long time without touching them or anything. Then all of the sudden he starts scribbling away in a notebook. Finally, after several gruesome calculations, he exclaims, 'I've got it! But it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum.'
=================================================

At the Party with the Physicists

One day, all of the world's famous physicists decided to get together for a party (ok, there were some non-physicists too who crashed the party). Fortunately, the doorman was a grad student, and able to observe some of the guests...

* Everyone gravitated toward Newton, but he just kept moving around at a constant velocity and showed no reaction.
* Einstein thought it was a relatively good time.
* Coulomb got a real charge out of the whole thing.
* Cauchy, being the mathematician, still managed to integrate well with everyone.
* Thompson enjoyed the plum pudding.
* Pauli came late, but was mostly excluded from things, so he split.
* Pascal was under too much pressure to enjoy himself.
* Ohm spent most of the time resisting Ampere's opinions on current events.
* Hamilton went to the buffet tables exactly once.
* Volta thought the social had a lot of potential.
* Hilbert was pretty spaced out for most of it.
* Heisenberg may or may not have been there.
* Feynman got from the door to the buffet table by taking every possible path
* The Curies were there and just glowed the whole time.
* van der Waals forced himeself to mingle.
* Wien radiated a colourful personality.
* Millikan dropped his Italian oil dressing.
* de Broglie mostly just stood in the corner and waved.
* Hollerith liked the hole idea.
* Stefan and Boltzman got into some hot debates.
* Everyone was attracted to Tesla's magnetic personality.
* Compton was a little scatter-brained at times.
* Bohr ate too much and got atomic ache.
* Watt turned out to be a powerful speaker.
* Hertz went back to the buffet table several times a minute.
* Faraday had quite a capacity for food.
* Oppenheimer got bombed.
* The microwave started radiating in the background when Penzias and Wilson showed up.
* After one bite Chandrasekhar reached his limit.
* Gamow left the party early with a big bang while Hoyle stayed late in a steady state.
* For Schrodinger this was more a wave function rather than a social function.
* Skorucak wanted to put everybody on his web site.
* Erdos was sad no epsilons were invited.
* Born thought the probability of enjoying himself was pretty high.
* Instead of coming through the front door Josephson tunnelled through.
* Groucho refused to attend any party that would invite him in the first place.
* Niccolò Tartaglia kept stammering throughout the evening.
* Pauling wanted to bond with everyone.
* Keynes was keen to question the marginal utility of this party.
* Shakespeare could not decide whether to be or not to be at the party.
* John Forbes Nash wanted to play a n-person zero sum game.
* Pavlov brought his dog; which promptly chased after Schrodinger's cat.
* Zeno of Elea came with two friends - Achilles and the tortoise.
* Bill Gates came to install windows.
* Bertrand Russell kept wondering if the cook only cooks for the guests, who cooks for the cook?
* Witten bought a present all tied up with superstrings.
* The food was beautifully laid out by Mendeleyev on the periodic table.
* Riemann hypothesised about who would arrive next; to which Newton retorted, ' hypotheses non fingo.'
* Chadwick was handing out neutrons free of charge.
* Everyone was amazed at Bell's inequality.
* Watson and Crick danced the Double Helix.
* While Fermat sang, 'Save the Last Theorem for me.'
* Maxwell's demon argued with Dawkin's friend, the selfish Gene.
* Russell and Whitehead insisted on checking the bill for completeness and consistency. Godel said it was incomplete and it can never be proved otherwise.
* Epimenides the Cretan announced that only non-Cretans spoke the truth.
* Rontgen saw through everybody.
* Descartes cogitated, 'I think I am drunk. Therefore I am at the party.'
===============================================

The Fate of the Universe

a poem by Leslie C. McKinney, Ph.D

You physicists have become annoying
You can't seem to make up your minds
Did everything come from nothing
Or was nothing all there was to find?

What was that first singularity
And what made it start to inflate?
You say a vacuum is not really empty
As long as energy potentiates?

At time zero there was zero space
But fluctuation took care of that
Now there's space of an ill-defined shape
That's full of live/dead cats.

Continuing on you tell us
That we're here cause CP ain't conserved
I never thought of myself as a leftover
This is becoming absurd.

But the universe is here now
At least part of it, I guess,
How is it you can't find the dark matter
To account for the missing mass?

And what is this dark energy
Permeating like a fog?
Einstein was shamed by his fudge factor
But you've brought it back in vogue.

The news from Canada is distressing
There are too few neutrinos from the sun
But physicists aren't constrained by facts
They'll make three neutrinos from one.

So the Standard Model is in danger
It's time for a paradigm shift,
Well paradigm shift, shmaradigm pfffft,
Will you guys please get over it.

Any idea how the story will end?
Big crunch, cold death, lost souls?
Or a slipper slide to a new universe
Through a slimy little worm hole?

Which confirms my general suspicion
That reality is just theory for this bunch
Waves are particles, particles are strings,
And the universe is the ultimate free lunch.
========================================
And finally to end it, Something for this special time of year:

Is there a Santa Claus? - a physicists view

Consider the following:

1) No known species of reindeer can fly. But there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical).

This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the Earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight.

On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that 'flying reindeer' (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine.

We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the Earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each.

In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second.

Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.> In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.
=======================
Bloody Hilarious ****

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

A psychologist makes an experiment with a mathematician and a physicist. He puts a good-looking, naked woman in a bed in one corner of the room and the mathematician on a chair in another one, and tells him: 'I´ll half the distance between you and the woman every five minutes, and you´re not allowed to stand up.' the mathematician runs away, yelling: 'in that case, I´ll never get to this woman!'. After that, the psychologist takes the physicist and tells him the plan. The physicist starts grinning. the psychologist asks him: 'but you´ll never get to this woman?', the physicists tells him: 'sure, but for all practical things this is a good approximation.' (credit: Thomas Mayer)

Here's a slight improvement to the punchline. The physicist tells him: 'Sure, but we will be close enough for all practical purposes'

 

[Gib Z]

Yea i was thinking that too, but still, its all pretty hilarious.

 

[kurier44]

Two Hydrogen Atoms Walk Into A Bar

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar and order beers.
One says to the other one, "You know I think I'm missing an electron."
The other one asks, "Are you sure?"
To which the first one replies, "Yeah, I'm positive."

 

[Danger]

A limerick that I remember from some ancient book:

There was a young lady named Wright
Whose speed was far faster than light.
She set out one day,
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.

 

[DaveC426913]

Two neutrinos walk through a bar...

 

[Gokul43201]

A limerick that I remember from some ancient book:

There was a young lady named Wright
Whose speed was far faster than light.
She set out one day,
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.

No, Danger! I know this lady you speak of, and her name is Bright.

 

[Gib Z]

And the limerick is featured in Stephan Hawking's "The Universe in a Nutshell".

 

[Gokul43201]

I think Hawking calls her Wright too!

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

Some googling will show that the limerick is by Arthur Buller and was published in 1923. The woman's name was Bright in the original. Bright is unusual as a name, but ties in better with the theme of the limerick.

 

[Danger]

No, Danger! I know this lady you speak of, and her name is Bright.

I know that, actually. I changed it because I think the original sounds kind of stupid. I hadn't actually consided the association with light that jimmy mentioned. Frankly, it's so old that I didn't expect anyone else to know it. I found it in a book that my dad had from his university days, and he graduated in 1927.

 

[Reshma]

Yo mama is so OLD that she STILL believes in luminiferous ether.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

Frankly, it's so old that I didn't expect anyone else to know it.

It's fairly well known. I think the first time I read it was in Newman's "The World of Mathematics."

 

[Astronuc]

Declaration of Linear Independence

As a less serious piece of mathematics, David J. Grabiner wrote

When, in the course of a proof, it becomes necessary for a set to dissolve the argument which has connected it with a theorem, and to assume among the powers of mathematics a position above that of the mathematician, a decent respect for the axioms requires that a rigorous justification be given.

We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all nonzero vectors are created equal; that they are endowed by their definer with certain unalienable rights; that among these are the laws of logic and the pursuit of valid proofs; that to secure these rights, logical arguments are created, deriving their just powers from axioms; that whenever any argument becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the vectors to alter or to abolish it, and to institute a new argument, laying its foundation on such principles, and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to reach the correct conclusion. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that theorems long established should not be changed for light and transient causes, and accordingly all experience hath shown that sets are more disposed to accept the conclusions of arguments than to right themselves by abolishing the arguments. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object, evinces a design to reduce them to zero in a non-trivial way, it is their right, it is their duty to throw off such argument, and to provide new proofs for their future security. Such has been the patient sufferance of these vectors, and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter these arguments. The history of Professor Eigen is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of dependence among these vectors. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.

. . . .

Dave's homepage - http://remarque.org/~grabiner/index.html

 

[mace2]

Hey, this really IS funny. Have you ever looked in on a class of freshman physics students taking a test on vectors and cross products?

All of the contortions remind me of interpretive dance.

This is too hilarious to not quote. So true!

 

[siddharth]

question = 0xFF;        // optimized Hamlet

From http://phd.pp.ru/Texts/fun/signatures.txt" . There are some real good ones there.

 

[Reshma]

http://nothingbutnode.freehostia.com/images/Library/Mutant.jpg
http://nothingbutnode.freehostia.com/images/Library/expand.jpg

Very funny..lol!

 

[Ivan Seeking]

My dermatologist was telling me today that he is very popular: People are just itching to see him.

 

[Argentum Vulpes]

My dermatologist was telling me today that he is very popular: People are just itching to see him.

UGH! Where is the snare drum high hat sound bite.

 

[Moonbear]

My dermatologist was telling me today that he is very popular: People are just itching to see him.

I'm restarting my petition for a groan smiley.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

An ancient Greek is at the window of the unemployment office.

Occupation?

I'm a stand-up philsopher

What's that?

I coelesce the vapors of human experience into a viable and comprehensible form.

Oh, you're a bullsh't artist! Did you bullsh't last week?

No.

Did you try to bullsh't last week?

Yes...

- History of the World, Part I

 

[Ki Man]

We should start a new thread on Physics/Math Pick-up lines.

Is your name Avogadro because I need to know your number