Science Humor: A Wide Selection

[OmCheeto]

the pic isn't showing, Om

Dave

It's the porn filter...

 

[OmCheeto]

Argh...

 

[OmCheeto]

​

 

[dkotschessaa]

 

[OmCheeto]

​

 

[strangerep]

[Science teachers & playground duty...]

OK, that one actually made me laugh out loud.

 

[OmCheeto]

OK, that one actually made me laugh out loud.

Some bossy friend of mine on FB told me; "Post this on PF"

so I did.

 

[OmCheeto]

(Mg,Fe)₇Si₈O₂₂(OH)₂​

-------------------------
sorry... but I just can't stop laughing.
This is so funny, on at least two levels.
Oh god. Three levels. (Feynman's second layer of the Onion!)
I'm about to be banned...
...
Perhaps I should pray...
Psalms 23:4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of PF, I will fear no ZZ, for... BOOM!...

Good god... 4 levels...

ps. It was nice knowing you all.

 

[drizzle]

​

LOL

 

[davenn]

(Mg,Fe)₇Si₈O₂₂(OH)₂​

-------------------------
sorry... but I just can't stop laughing.
This is so funny, on at least two levels.
Oh god. Three levels. (Feynman's second layer of the Onion!)
I'm about to be banned...
...
Perhaps I should pray...
Psalms 23:4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of PF, I will fear no ZZ, for... BOOM!...

Good god... 4 levels...

ps. It was nice knowing you all.

hahahaa Om ... you're so bad

think I have some of that in my rock and mineral collection

Dave

 

[davenn]

stolen from a friend on another forum ...
it has a hint of physics about it

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?


First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

cheers
Dave

 

[Enigman]

Good God...

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

Old meme, but still good!

 

[davenn]

haha Greg, nice one
lot of truth in there huh

one for today ...

some time ago after I posted this on another forum, one "bright spark" noted that the bottom resistor was different in that it was leading by its tolerance band.
He suggested this would result in a Mac instead of a PC :w

Dave

 

[dkotschessaa]

Hilarious Dave!

-Other Dave

 

[dkotschessaa]

My Analysis teacher told us this one:

A professor was notorious for leaving complicated demonstrations to the students, with no more than a remark that "It is obvious that..." One day a student interrupted. "Professor, is it really obvious that the second line follows from the first?" The professor looked at the board, wrinkled his brow, paced about the room for a few minutes, then, triumphantly said, "Why yes, it is obvious."

 

[OmCheeto]

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

 

[Borek]

Dad, what is a Higgs boson?

(that's from one of the best Polish cartoonists, Marek Raczkowski)

 

[Enigman]

 

[Enigman]

Cartoon Laws of Physics
Cartoon Law I
Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its
situation.
Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters
in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At
this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second per second
takes over.

Cartoon Law II
Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter
intervenes suddenly. Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on
foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a
telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion
absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion
the stooge's surcease.

Cartoon Law III
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation
conforming to its perimeter.

Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality
of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who
are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a
house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or
matrimony often catalyses this reaction.

Cartoon Law IV
The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than
or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to
spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken.

Such an object is inevitably priceless, the attempt to capture it
inevitably unsuccessful.

Cartoon Law V
All principles of gravity are negated by fear.

Psychic forces are sufficient in most bodies for a shock to propel them
directly away from the Earth's surface. A spooky noise or an
adversary's signature sound will induce motion upward, usually to the
cradle of a chandelier, a treetop, or the crest of a flagpole. The feet
of a character who is running or the wheels of a speeding auto need
never touch the ground, especially when in flight.

Cartoon Law VI
As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once.

This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw fights, in which a
character's head may be glimpsed emerging from the cloud of altercation
at several places simultaneously. This effect is common as well among
bodies that are spinning or being throttled. A `wacky' character has
the option of self-replication only at manic high speeds and may
ricochet off walls to achieve the velocity required.

Cartoon Law VII
Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel
entrances; others cannot.

This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least
it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to trick
an opponent will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical space.
The painter is flattened against the wall when he attempts to follow
into the painting. This is ultimately a problem of art, not of science.

Cartoon Law VIII
Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent.

Cartoon cats possesses even more deaths than the traditional nine lives
might comfortably afford. They can be decimated, spliced, splayed,
accordion-pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but they cannot be
destroyed. After a few moments of blinking self pity, they reinflate,
elongate, snap back, or solidify.

Corollary: A cat will assume the shape of its container.

Cartoon Law IX
Everything falls faster than an anvil.Cartoon Law X
For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite revengeance.

This is the one law of animated cartoon motion that also applies to the
physical world at large. For that reason, we need the relief of watching it
happen to a duck instead.

Cartoon Law Amendment A
A sharp object will always propel a character upward.

When poked (usually in the buttocks) with a sharp object (usually a pin), a
character will defy gravity by shooting straight up, with great velocity.

Cartoon Law Amendment B
The laws of object permanence are nullified for "cool" characters.

Characters who are intended to be "cool" can make previously nonexistent
objects appear from behind their backs at will. For instance, the Road
Runner can materialize signs to express himself without speaking.

Cartoon Law Amendment C
Explosive weapons cannot cause fatal injuries.

They merely turn characters temporarily black and smoky.

Cartoon Law Amendment D
Gravity is transmitted by slow-moving waves of large wavelengths.

Their operation can be wittnessed by observing the behavior of a canine
suspended over a large vertical drop. Its feet will begin to fall first,
causing its legs to stretch. As the wave reaches its torso, that part will
begin to fall, causing the neck to strech. As the head begins to fall,
tension is released and the canine will resume its regular proportions
until such time as it strikes the ground.

Cartoon Law Amendment E
Dynamite is spontaneously generated in "C-spaces" (spaces in which cartoon
laws hold).

The process is analogous to steady-state theories of the universe which
postulated that the tensions involved in maintianing a space would cause
the creation of hydrogen from nothing. Dynamite quanta are quite large
(stick sized) and unstable (lit). Such quanta are attracted to psychic
forces generated by feelings of distress in "cool" characters (see
Amendment B, which may be a special case of this law), who are able to use
said quanta to their advantage. One may imagine C-spaces where all matter
and energy result from primal masses of dynamite exploding. A big bang
indeed.

 

[I like Serena]

Cartoon Law I
Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its
situation.
Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters
in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At
this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second per second
takes over.

I seem to recall Daffy first splay out his arms and feet, then stay frozen and looking horrified for a while.
After that he plummets with an instantaneous momentum that appears to remain constant until he hits the ground, which instantaneously stops his movement, as per Cartoon Law II.

 

[Borg]

They seem to be slightly different from my source.
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Laws_of_physics

 

[Enigman]

They seem to be slightly different from my source.
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Laws_of_physics

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Physics_doesn%27t_exist,_it%27s_all_about_Gnomes

 

[Borg]

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Physics_doesn%27t_exist,_it%27s_all_about_Gnomes

Yeah, it was a tossup between those two links.

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

 

[mfb]

Never trust an atom.

They make up everything.

 

[Baffle]

NEWS FLASH: Illiterate pirates make people walk the Planck; find out that their feet are too big.

 

[Enigman]

 

[Enigman]

HOW TO PUT AN ELEPHANT INTO A REFRIGERATOR:

Analysis:
1) Differentiate it and put into the refrig.
Then integrate it in the refrig.
2) Redefine the measure on the referigerator (or the elephant).
3) Apply the Banach-Tarsky theorem.Number theory:
1) First factorize, second multiply.
2) Use induction. You can always squeeze a bit more in.

Algebra:
1) Step 1. Show that the parts of it can be put into the refrig.
Step 2. Show that the refrig. is closed under the addition.
2) Take the appropriate universal refrigerator and get
a surjection from refrigerator to elephant.

Topology:
1) Have it swallow the refrig. and turn inside out.
2) Make a refrig. with the Klein bottle.
3) The elephant is homeomorphic to a smaller elephant.
4) The elephant is compact, so it can be put into a finite collection
of refrigerators. That's usually good enough.
5) The property of being inside the referigerator
is hereditary. So, take the elephant's mother,
cremate it, and show that the ashes fit inside the refrigerator.
6) For those who object to method 3 because it's cruel to animals.
Put the elephant's BABY in the refrigerator.

Algebraic topology:
Replace the interior of the refrigerator by its
universal cover, R^3.

Linear algebra:
1) Put just its basis and span it in the refrig.
2) Show that 1% of the elephant will fit inside the refrigerator.
By linearity, x% will fit for any x.

Affine geometry:
There is an affine transformation putting the
elephant into the refrigerator.

Set theory:
1) It's very easy!
refrigerator = { elephant } 2) The elephant and the interior of the
refrigerator both have cardinality c.

Geometry:
Declare the following:
Axiom 1. An elephant can be put into a refrigerator.

Complex analysis:
Put the refrig. at the origin
and the elephant outside the unit circle.
Then get the image under the inversion.

Numerical analysis:
1) Put just its trunk and refer the rest to the error term.
2) Work it out using the Pentium.

Statistics:
1) bright statistician.
Put its tail as a sample and say "Done."

2) dull statistician.
Repeat the experiment pushing the elephant to the refrig.

3) Our NEW study shows that you CAN'T put the elephant
in the refrigerator.

 

[Borek]

 

[lendav_rott]

..but it's correct

 

[Enigman]

 

[Enigman]

The B in Benoît B. Mandelbrot stands for Benoît B. Mandelbrot.

 

[alpha3031]

You forgot one
Engineer- the glass is two time its over the necessary design parameters

Politician- the glass would be more empty if the opposition were in charge