Conflicted Feelings: Moving On from High School

In summary, moving on from high school can be a time of conflicting emotions for many individuals. While it marks the end of a significant chapter in one's life, it also brings about the excitement and uncertainty of new beginnings. The nostalgia for the past and the fear of the future can create a sense of conflict within oneself. However, it is important to embrace these conflicting feelings and use them as motivation to grow and move forward. Whether it is pursuing higher education, starting a career, or exploring new opportunities, the process of moving on from high school is a natural and necessary part of life.
  • #491
A trained professional can help you avoid emotionally scarring the girl in the process. I'm less concerned about it now than I originally was, but I'm not withdrawing the suggestion.


Anyways, Zantra, I have a piece of advice I do feel confident about... stop getting sloshed. :wink:
 
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  • #492
Originally posted by Hurkyl
Sigh, sometimes I hate being right. :frown: Well, all is not lost, since you didn't mean to mislead him, I"m sure he'll understand if he did get that impression.

You going to say anything to him? When are your exams?
I am not going to say anything, I've known him for quite a while (were college friends) now he just lives around the block, so I go over and say hi once in a long while, he's actually not a friend but more of an acquintance.

Zantra, I think the others were head on in their replies. About the couch incidence after the picnick, could it have been that she expected you to make a move on her. You didn't seem interested in her, so she got irritated and demanded to be brought home?
 
  • #493
I don't have much time on the com today, so I've only read until this post, so my opinion may be outdated.

Me: Hey we haven't been hanging out or talking much lately. I'm leaving for California soon. I wanted to know you're ok.

Her: you don't need to check up on me.

Me: well I'm just concerned, that's all.

her: We'll I don't need you to worry about me, I'm fine

me: I thought we were friends. I'm just letting you know I care

her: I don't need your friendship, and I don't need you to care- I have enough people who already care about me.

me: you know, I can't figure you out. What is the problem exactly?

Her: I don't want to be around you anymore.

Me: What exactly is your beef with me. I don't get it.

Her: And you never will. Goodnigh
Anways, we were talking, and had a conversation. I made a rare joke about us having sex. And she said that if we did, she'd never be able to speak to me again. Then later on, I said something to effect of I'd like to, but that I didn't want to be another number in the line. I said I didn't want to be like all the other guys. She responded "well then don't be".

Here's my take on the situation:

When you told her your feelings, she gave you the usual put-down at the spur of the moment. But turns out, after some thinking, she realizes you're the one she really wants, not the other guys who just want to get in her pants. But she's too stubborn and doesn't want to tell you that. So she drops lots of hints to tell you that she likes you, but you never picked up on them. So she gets extremely frustrated and thinks, "****, if even the guy i like doesn't understand me, then who else will?! (insert other negative thoughts)" So in the end she also shifts you to the "other people" category and gets pissed off with the world.
 
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  • #494
Originally posted by Hurkyl
A trained professional can help you avoid emotionally scarring the girl in the process. I'm less concerned about it now than I originally was, but I'm not withdrawing the suggestion.


Anyways, Zantra, I have a piece of advice I do feel confident about... stop getting sloshed. :wink:
YEAH! What Hurkyl said! That s**t'll kill ya, man.
 
  • #495
Yo! Monique! You Mentor You!

I'm thinking this thread ought to end! We ARE on page 42 (a very good number, IMO )... We need to split this up into three different threads. "Psuedo's Love Life", "Monique's Love Life", and Zantra's Love Life". I'm starting to have a hard time keeping track!
On the other hand, we (the women here, anyway) could always resort to my sister's solution:
IF WE CAN PUT A MAN ON THE MOON, WHY NOT ALL OF THEM!
 
  • #496
42. A rather special number.
 
  • #497
Originally posted by Tsunami
Yo! Monique! You Mentor You!
End this thread but we're just getting started! Now, how are you and Ivan doing, any interesting things we should know about? don't get you started, right?

And Zero is the big boss in this microverse
 
  • #498
Originally posted by Monique
End this thread but we're just getting started!
Yes, but I'm an old lady and I'm getting TOO CONFUSED!
Now, how are you and Ivan doing, any interesting things we should know about?
Just your basic love story of a NORMAL person trying to keep from going insane while living with and loving her nerd as best she can!
don't get you started, right?
RIGHT!
And Zero is the big boss in this microverse
:wink:
OMG! THE BIG ZERO?! (God love the man. I wonder if I could talk him into splitting this thread up...NAAHHHHHHH. )
 
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  • #499
Originally posted by Adam
42. A rather special number.
 
  • #500
Originally posted by Hurkyl
A trained professional can help you avoid emotionally scarring the girl in the process. I'm less concerned about it now than I originally was, but I'm not withdrawing the suggestion.


Anyways, Zantra, I have a piece of advice I do feel confident about... stop getting sloshed. :wink:

I can see that scenario now. Go to a shrink and start off with "I have this friend..."... RIIIIIIIIGHHHT. Next thing you know, I'm being admitted for BP disorder. I suppose an intervention, but there's a distance factor involved which makes this extremely difficult.


Oh, and I don't get sloshed as muc these days.. she was just a bad influence:wink:
 
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  • #501
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
I pretty much agree with Hypnagogue. You basically lost her when you withdrew and gave up on your interest because of her verbalized objections. The transition from friends to more can be easy or difficult for some women. This one needed to get used to the idea and have time to test the strength of your interest. You're a nice guy. Nice guys don't cross boundaries. On the other hand, nice guys can bring things up again later, if they do it nicely. That's the kind of thing that might have worked.

Instead you gave up and saw other women. In the meantime, your announcement seems to have been working on her, getting her imagining and thinking, and becoming open minded about a transition to romance. By the time that happened, you weren't there anymore. She became bitter.

The psychiatric aspects are less important than you would think. It's all normal male/female dynamics. In affective disorders the emotions, whatever they happen to be, are not so much inappropriate, as inapropriately amplified.

Think of it this way: her emotions are so loud she can't calm down to the degree where she could sort them out. This is why she can't get herself to a place where she could work this out with you: try describing a song to someone in detail at the very same time you're listening to that song turned up loud on headphones.

You're only interested in salvaging the friendship so the thing to do is reiterate your interest now and then and hope it gets to her at a calmer time down the road when she is able to sort her feelings out and talk about them.

Sorry I don't have any shortcuts to that, to suggest.

-zoob

P.S. I am not a shrink. Just opinionated.

Thanks for the advice Zooby Doo. It's very helpful.

Ok So far here's the pattern I'm seeing. Most of you agree that:

1. She's in a chrisis and needs help
2. She did actually have feelings for me, but being a woman couldn't just come right out and SAY she did. NOOOOO.. that would be WAAAAY too simple .
3. I didn't haandle it the right away, and I turned her bitter-perhaps even to women, becuase she perceived me as rejecting her simply because I missed a date. Forget about 8 years of friendship, forget the fact that I always put her first ahead of other women. Forget that I was closer to her than anyone else. I was late one day, and it changed everything else
4. My head is up my butt
5. I need to get sloshed less
6. I'm ready to move to the moon as the women there will probably make more sense.

That about sum it up? Obviously I have to do something- or at least attempt to. If I don't, I'm scum. I will call her today. God help me.
 
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  • #502
Originally posted by Zantra
I'm ready to move to the moon as the women their will probably make more sense.
Yep, that's about right.
 
  • #503
Called and she wasn't home. Bummer. I tried
 
  • #504
I noticed Andy's signature:
"All the love in the world couldn't save you, All the innocence inside, You know I tried so hard to make you, To make you change your mind."
I thought the following applies to it:

"The first time I met you, I was afraid to kiss you. The first time I kissed you, I was afraid to love you. And when I loved you, I was afraid to lose you. But now that I have lost you, I don't know what to do."

"No person is worth your tears, and the one who is won't make you cry."
 
  • #505
Originally posted by Tsunami
Yo! Monique! You Mentor You!

I'm thinking this thread ought to end! We ARE on page 42 (a very good number, IMO )... We need to split this up into three different threads. "Psuedo's Love Life", "Monique's Love Life", and Zantra's Love Life". I'm starting to have a hard time keeping track!
On the other hand, we (the women here, anyway) could always resort to my sister's solution:
IF WE CAN PUT A MAN ON THE MOON, WHY NOT ALL OF THEM!

Who's Pseudo1!?
 
  • #506
Originally posted by Monique
I noticed Andy's signature:
I thought the following applies to it:

"The first time I met you, I was afraid to kiss you. The first time I kissed you, I was afraid to love you. And when I loved you, I was afraid to lose you. But now that I have lost you, I don't know what to do."

"No person is worth your tears, and the one who is won't make you cry."


Nice
 
  • #507
Here's my take on the situation:

When you told her your feelings, she gave you the usual put-down at the spur of the moment. But turns out, after some thinking, she realizes you're the one she really wants, not the other guys who just want to get in her pants. But she's too stubborn and doesn't want to tell you that. So she drops lots of hints to tell you that she likes you, but you never picked up on them. So she gets extremely frustrated and thinks, "****, if even the guy i like doesn't understand me, then who else will?! (insert other negative thoughts)" So in the end she also shifts you to the "other people" category and gets pissed off with the world.



Exactly.
 
  • #508
Originally posted by PrudensOptimus
Who's Pseudo1!?
That would be you, dear. So very sorry. I was in the middle of a small brain obstruction at the time, and the synapse connections were just not making it. Up all night, very tired... (Of all the things I've lost in life, I miss my mind the most.)

PrudensOptimus, (not Pseodo...) I most humbly appologize for messing up your name. (Wierd. I knew as I was typing, that something about it was wrong...too tired to try to figure it out.)
 
  • #509
Originally posted by Monique
I noticed Andy's signature:
I thought the following applies to it:

"The first time I met you, I was afraid to kiss you. The first time I kissed you, I was afraid to love you. And when I loved you, I was afraid to lose you. But now that I have lost you, I don't know what to do."

"No person is worth your tears, and the one who is won't make you cry."
Ah geeze, now you've made me cry. (wallowing in self pity tonight) :frown:
 
  • #510
Evo, Never frown, not even when you're sad, because you'll never know who is falling in love with your smile :)

Let your heart guide you. It whispers so listen closely..
 
  • #511
*sigh* tomorrow's the day I ask Kathy out; I'm totally nervous, and I just realized I haven't decided on a good place for dinner. :frown:
 
  • #512
Monique, you are so wonderful, so sweet.

I'll get past it, it's just that the guy I pushed away is in a line of business that means I see him or what he's involved in everywhere I turn. From the newstand at the grocery store to the tv in my bedroom, even here in the forum. I only pushed him away because I didn't feel I was good enough for him. It stinks.
 
  • #513
I'm sitting here with the phone in my hand toying with weather to call her. 1 of 2 things will happen. Either she'll hang up on me, or she'll talk to me and hopefully I'll be able to fix things. I'm not sure which option I'm more afraid of. Hanging up would definitely be easier. You know, this is supposed be easier the older you get. It isn't.
 
  • #514
Originally posted by Zantra
I'm sitting here with the phone in my hand toying with weather to call her. 1 of 2 things will happen. Either she'll hang up on me, or she'll talk to me and hopefully I'll be able to fix things. I'm not sure which option I'm more afraid of. Hanging up would definitely be easier. You know, this is supposed be easier the older you get. It isn't.

That's assuming you get the courage to dial all the numbers and stay on the line long enough for her to answer. I still have a problem doing that. I asked this girl's number in early September and have yet to call her.
 
  • #515
Doing it can't be worse than worrying about it. You might want to wait for a time when you have a few hours to talk, should the opportunity arise.


P.S. sorry for my interlude; I know my worries pale in comparison to everyone elses, but they still feel bigger. :frown:
 
  • #516
It never gets easier Zantra, believe me.

Have you decided on what you want to say, or how to even start the conversation? Since you know her, maybe you can think of a safe topic you can engage her in, just to get her to loosen up?
 
  • #517
Relax, It's going to be fine. I usually imagine the woman as weighing 300 pounds. It helps..
 
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  • #518
Originally posted by Hurkyl
P.S. sorry for my interlude; I know my worries pale in comparison to everyone elses, but they still feel bigger. :frown:
First date? Do you know what her favorite food is? Does she prefer elegance or simplicity?
 
  • #519
Yes, first date. I think she'd prefer simplicity... I don't know what she likes to eat though.

However, I recall that I have been looking for an excuse for quite a while to get a chicken parmasagno from Macaroni Grill again. Maybe that would be good!
 
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  • #520
Originally posted by Hurkyl
Yes, first date. I think she'd prefer simplicity... I don't know what she likes to eat though.
Somewhere nice, not too noisy or busy. That will allow you to linger at the table if things go well. Candlelight is always good. (Women feel prettier in candelight and that is a "good thing")

I don't know how old you are, or how experienced, but a few things that you can't do wrong:

Pay attention to her, everything she says. Don't get distracted and start looking around the room. Don't comment on how hot the girl at the other table is. Don't flirt with the waitress.

Compliment her.

If it starts to get "romantic" offering her a bite of your desert can lead to other things...
 
  • #521
The problem is I don't know anywhere like that. It's notoriously difficult to find stuff around here. :frown:


Don't comment on how hot the girl at the other table is. Don't flirt with the waitress.

Lol, I'm not that hopeless!
 
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  • #522
Originally posted by Monique

Let your heart guide you. It whispers so listen closely..

Nooooo, they shout very loud, but often contradictory or unintelligible messages.
 
  • #523
Dinner? For a date? Girls eat? I'd better write that down...
 
  • #524
The Macaroni Grill is ok. Try to get a quite booth.

Hurkyl - "Lol, I'm not that hopeless!"

I was just teasing. :) My ex-husband actually did that kind of thing. He told me once "who was he to deny any woman that wanted him?" I kicked his a** out the door.
 
  • #525
The Macaroni Grill is ok. Try to get a quite booth.

*phew* I was starting to get in a panic. :smile: I can't put it off and ask another day when I'm better prepared because I actually have a valid excuse to drop by her office tomorrow so I can ask her in person!
 

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